The Demon Barber Is Alive!
by drivenbyrevenge
Summary: Alternate Ending where ST and Nell didn't die. Set 1yr after the movie. Nell tries to convince Sweeney that he loves her. He does, but he's not admitting it anytime soon. No plotline at all! Features: All characters that didn't die, UBER A/Ns and PIE
1. Chapter 1

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 1: the Story 1 Year after the Movie Left off and What Happened In Between

After almost being murdered by the not-so-bright Tobias Ragg, our stories hero, Mr. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street has been left with a rather graphic scar on his neck. His wife Lucy is, unlike himself very, very dead. Mrs Lovett however is not. She is alive and still in love with Mr. Todd, who cares for her most of the time but with his unpredictable moods it's hard to say whether it's love or hatred(but he could never love her more than Lucy), even after he threw her into a blazing bake oven and like Sweeney she also has a reminder of her run in with death, her skin is now patchy where it was burnt and it took her hair months to grow back and even now it is only a small mass of shoulder length curls. Johanna lives with them above the pie shop as she refuses to live with her fiancé, Anthony. This is because, after he rescued her and Mr. Todd killed Turpin, Anthony Hope bought Turpin's House and turned it into a pear tree orchard where he lives, he now supplies a women called, Penny Macintosh with pears to sell at the markets in London and Johanna never wants to go near the house again after the misfortune that found her in her years behind its walls. Mr Todd fears that years of trauma may have affected Johanna's mind as she spends most of her time in parks singing about finches and nightingales and talking to unresponsive birds.

Toby is locked in a large, metal cage in the sewer below the pie shop's bake house as a punishment for trying to kill Mr. Todd and is fed on leftover scraps from the pies.

Needless to say Mrs Lovett's Meat Pie Emporium is still running, Sweeney still butchers his costumers but, so as not to ruin the 'Best Pies in London' reputation they use a blend of beef as well.

It is one year after Sweeney Todd's 'death' and no-one was ever convicted of the murders of Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford and the inhabitants of London are completely unaware of Sweeney Todd's shaving method and Mrs. Lovett's secret recipe.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the new plot. Any references to the time before my plot comes into play belong to Tim Burton, Steven Sondheim etc. I fully respect their work and all the work of the productions involved actors

-THEY ARE ALL LEGENDS!-

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Anything written in _italics_ from this point onward signifies what the person is thinking. HAPPY READING! I LOVE REVIEWS!!


	2. Chapter 2

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 2: An Unwanted Interruption

Sweeney runs his razor over his glove carefully. Mrs. Lovett glances up from her workbench over to the dusty table where he sits, by the door.

"Oh, my beautiful, Lucy…why? What was I thinking?" He reminisces sadly to the razor.

"Mr. Todd, she's gone, I'm here and this can be our happy life together," She gazes at him her eyes full of love. Sweeney glares down on the razor. _Is he hearing things? Did it just talk? _ He frowns and gives it a shake. Mrs. Lovett sighs and puts down her rolling pin. She smiles and walks over to him. She sings merrily, "Oh Mr. T, this is it; this is us, you and me Mr. T.

Together now, forever now! Mr. T you mean so much to me...more than even the sun in the sky oh, yes it's you and me, you and I!"

He stares ahead coldly at her, stands and slips his razor into his belt and puts his hands around her waist, spins her around and sings, "Mrs. Lovett, my love for you, I cannot explain…but the truth is…I loved my Lucy more that is so plain," he gently places her down and with a vague look in his eye continues, "My Lucy…Lucy of the yellow hair and pale skin, her soft, blue eyes…soul without sin…oh Lucy, how I miss you, oh, and I wish I had not killed you."

Mrs. Lovett takes his cold, white hands in hers and sings softly to the barber, "Mr. Todd, your Lucy is not here for she is dead, you never again will see her…however you do have me instead. Mr. T, and, I love…you."

Their eyes lock, four brown eyes staring into each other. Mr. Todd is taken aback by his sudden realization of this strange, dark beauty. Mrs Lovett leans forward as if to kiss him, he slips his hand around her back and just as there lips are about to touch Johanna rushes through the door, "Daddy!"

Mrs Lovett and Sweeney break away from each other. Mrs. Lovett stares longingly up at him.

"What is it my dove?" Mr. Todd asks Johanna.

Anthony runs in, "Mr. Todd. Ma'am." He greets them.

"Tell Anthony that I can't live with him," She squeaks, "not in that house!"

"Why not, my lamb?" Mr. Todd strokes her blonde tresses.

"T…Turpin's Ghost," she whispers.

"Oh," Mr. T sighs.

Mrs. Lovett rolls her eyes back in her head and nods at Anthony, "Why can't he live here?" she asks no-one in particular.

"Ma'am," Anthony replies, "I have an orchard to look after."

"Then it's settled," Mrs. Lovett is angry at being interrupted, "Johanna and Anthony shall visit each other but Johanna will live here and Anthony shall live at his house." She claps her hands.

Johanna frowns and walks out, Anthony follows her, faithfully.


	3. Chapter 3

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 3: Filthy Judges/ Johanna's Song

Mrs. Lovett grips her rolling pin with the grip of a true baker and presses down on the dough for her pies. She looks over at Mr. Todd. It's noon and he's on his second glass of gin. She gazes at his face. _His defined features, chocolate eyes and swept back hair._

A bell jingles upstairs.

"Mr. T," she says. He looks at her icily. "Supplies," she explained nodding up at his parlour. Without a word he walks out and scales the stairs to his shop, razor clenched in his white fist. Once at the top he invites a plump, balding man into the barber's chair.

"Dingy in here aint it?" The man grimaces, looking around, "Very drab…needs to be repainted…not that I should brag,"

"Bit overtalkative aren't you?" Sweeney whispers to himself.

The man doesn't hear and continues, "I'm only a humble judge myself. I took over from that old Turpin Fellow…I hear he met a bloody end, murdered or somethin' like that," he looks over at Sweeney who was mixing a lather and speaks again, "Mind you, I do make a fair pile of money I could probably send someone around to clear up this old shack."

"Talkative and Rich," Mr. Todd murmurs as he lathers the man's five chins.

The tubby judge leans his head back and closes his eyes. Sweeney grasps his razor, his friend and slides it swiftly over the patron's throat. The man chokes and twitches slightly as blood drips down his thick neck and chest.

Sweeney carefully pulls a bundle of £10 notes out of his trouser pockets and takes a step back to admire his work. While looking at the judge he notices a pair of fingerless gloves on his hands, they are a rather attractive indigo colour so he pulls his own gloves off and replaces them with the new ones.

He pushes a lever at the bottom of the chair, a trapdoor opens and the chair tilts back. The murdered judge slips down with a thump.

Mrs. Lovett's first pie supplies of the day!

Mr. Todd cleans his razor carefully and smiles he sings up to the skylight, "They should all die, and I'll kill them all…JUDGES! Filthy, dirty, lying, pious judges! Yes they talk shit; they're full of it…JUDGES! Cold, hating, home wrecking judges!

He walks over to the doorway and frowns. Johanna, his beautiful swan, his daughter, is sitting outside on a table singing in her feminine voice, "Red swallow, flying high, turtle dove, in the sky," she cranes her slender neck to see higher, "Why do you fly? I sing for I can't fly like you, if only I was one of you…I'd soar above the sky to find…her…" Sweeney watches her wipe a tear from her porcelain face. "Fifteen winters, cold and drab, I waited for a caring dad and now he's everything to me all that I wish I could be but where's my mother? Father talks of her as Lucy, a pale and yellow haired Lucy. I want…more than just a ….Lucy…but she's gone and she's dead, that's what Mrs. Lovett said." She lowers her head and walks over to Anthony, who is standing behind her and hugs him.


	4. Chapter 4

The Demon Barber Is Alive!

Chapter 4: Freedom

It was barely past ten in the morning and Mrs. Lovett was already feeling flustered she had been going to settle on her armchair with a small glass of gin but there was a certain issue that plagued her, so as not to feel guilty she dusts flour from her hands and stumbles dizzily to a mirror. She smooths down her frizzy, mess of hair and walks up to Mr. Todd's parlour. He is standing next to his chair holding a razor. She shakes her head at him. _Bloody razors!_ "Lucy…" he strokes the razor. She taps his shoulder, he is ice cold and unresponsive, she taps him again. He half turns and speaks vaguely, "Mrs. Lovett?"

"Mr. T, well, I wanted to talk because...I was uh wonderin'…"

"Out with it!" He is in no mood for her ridiculous conversations. _Pie Hag!_

"Well, lately, Mr. Todd, I have been havin' a little trouble 'round the shop…so many customers and I've had no help," she mumbled to him.

"So?" He was getting very angry. _Why is the hag annoying me? I was having a perfectly good depression session before she came and now she wants to 'talk'!_

"You remember Toby, don't you, love?"

"Oh…the boy,"

"Maybe, we could stop feedin' him the pie scraps?" she squeezed his hand.

"What do you suppose we feed him on then?" He mocked.

"Oh Mr. T…he was like my son, I do miss him and he was a hard worker, always doin' just like I said," she looked at him pleadingly and traced his jaw line with her finger and said, "He's been down there a year now…can't we let him out?"

Mr. Todd was a cold hearted man with an unforgiving hatred for Toby but even the demon barber could see the sadness in Nellie Lovett's eyes and although it was not what he wanted he simply said, "Fine," and after a moment, "But keep him out of my way!" He threw her a metal key for  
Toby's cage.

"I…Oh Mr. Todd, thankyou!" she throws her arms around him but he doesn't return the embrace and instead shrugs her off.

She races downstairs to let Toby out. She climbs down the ladder into the putrid, stinking sewer below the bake house.

In a large cage, sits a very thin, weak, Tobias Ragg, bags under his eyes and terror set in his soul. He hears footsteps. _Is it that vicious Mr. Todd? Come to finish me off!_

"Toby, lad, I'm here," Mrs. Lovett's voice echoes through the sewer.

"Ma'am!" Toby finds a sudden spurt of energy and rushes to the door of the cage. Mrs. Lovett takes the key from her bodice and unlocks the cage.

"Mr. T has agreed to let you out but don't go near 'im he's in a foul mood," she says as she remembers him not hugging her back just moments ago. _I how I love him…does he even care? _

Toby clings to her dress and pleads, "No, I can't go up there! He'll kill me!"

"Nonsense! What a lot of foolishness," Mrs Lovett strokes his matted, brown, spikes of hair, "He wouldn't dare!"

Reluctantly, Toby braces himself and goes upstairs for his first glass of gin and taste of freedom in a whole year.


	5. Chapter 5

The Demon Barber Is Alive!

Chapter 5: Gone

"Mrs. Lovett, Ma'am," Anthony puffs as he bursts through the door, one of his more annoying habits, of Mrs. Lovett's shop.

"Yes, love?" she asks. Anthony notices that she has that boy with her and he hadn't seen him for a while. _What was his name? Timmy…Tommy…Toby? YES! It was Toby! _

"Have you seen Johanna?" he looks worried.

"Well of course I've seen her…but now that I think of it she did seem rather rushed at breakfast, she ate her bowl of porridge and ran off without a word. Why?" Mrs. Lovett looks at him curiously.

"She's missing! The last time that I saw her she was singing about birds or something but now-gone…" he trails off.

"Oh dear, best not to tell Mr. T…you know what he's like," she stresses running her hands over the back of her corset.

Anthony just nods when they'd first met; Mr Todd had sung off pits, vermin and zoos and from then on Anthony had thought him to be very odd and possibly disturbed.

"Toby, be a dear and go look for Johanna outside," Mrs. Lovett glances in the boys general direction.

As much as Toby wants Mrs. Lovett to think of him as a dear he can't deny that he doesn't know who Johanna is, "Who?" He glances at Mrs. Lovett to Anthony and back to Mrs. Lovett.

"Never mind, love, go have yourself a nice glass of gin," she smiles.

"I'll find her myself!" Anthony yells and rushes back out.

Mrs. Lovett looks at Toby in amazement of the usually, calm natured, Anthony's sudden outburst of anger and Toby shrugs back in reply.

"Ma'am?" Toby looks up from his glass of gin at her corpse-like face.

"Yes, love?" she says wearily.

"Your pies…what are they uh…made of?" Toby worries after having a previous bad experience with one of her pies.

"Oh. They're made of premium beef, of course. Why?" She lies, not wanting to upset the boy. He smiles at her and goes back to finishing his gin.


	6. Chapter 6

The Demon Barber Is Alive!

Chapter 6: That Toby

Mr. Todd is sitting in his barber chair sharpening his seven razors, one by one. It is just past eight in the night and Mrs. Lovett's dinner time rush of customers has finally thinned out.

_Bloody Judges! _"Stupid pieces of SHIT!" he says to himself as he strikes the sharpening stone quickly along the blade of one of his precious razors.

He hears footsteps. _Lucy? No I will never hear her footsteps again._ He walks stiffly to the door. Mrs. Lovett is standing on the stair landing holding a washing basket full of clothes. He glares up at her. _Old hag! What does she want now!_

He opens the door for her. She walks in without a word and places the basket down on the dusty, timber flooring.

"You'll 'ave to be more careful Mr. T," she shakes her head. 

"Why?" he answers back, one eyebrow raised.

"I've had to wash these bloody white shirts you insist on wearin' three times, that's why!" she scowls at him.

"Why?" the eyebrow doesn't move.

"Because they're all stained with blood you razor wielding lunatic!" she yells and then continues in a more softened tone with her hand on his shoulder, "Be more careful when you're slicin' up the ingredients for heaven's sake."

"Mmmm…Fetch me the boy, Mrs. Lovett," he has a distant look in his eye.

"Why?" It's her turn to question something.

"FETCH…THE…BOY!" He roars at her. Leaving the basket of clothes she, shuffles silently out of the parlour.

Toby is sitting at one of the outside enjoying the cool, night air tables when Mrs. Lovett, with a worried expression on her face, rushes down the steps. He knows why she's worried. _That Beast, Mr. Todd! _

"Mrs. Lovett, ma'am, are you alright?" He frowns.

"Quiet fine, my dear," she smiles, "Mr. T wants you up in his parlour."

"Yes, ma'am," he breathes deeply and readies himself. He walks carefully up the stairs to Mr. Todd's tonsorial parlour. _What does he want with me?! He cannot kill me! Then who shall protect Mrs. Lovett?! _Toby knocks on the door. A smiling, Mr. Todd opens it. _Why is he smiling…I never knew he could! _

"Toby, lad," He greets the somewhat petrified boy.

"Yes, s…sir," he fidgets with his handkerchief.

"Uh…well, Toby, how are you?" his mouth was in a completely straight line.

"What!" Toby couldn't believe his ears. Since when had Mr. Todd cared about him? "I mean um…fine, sir, now that I'm out of that sewer!"

"That's good lad! On your way now!" He gives him a pat on the back and gestures to the door in a friendly manner.

Toby, still completely bewildered, runs out and back down stairs.

Mr. Todd looks at Toby in the moonlight then at his razor. _Strange, strange, boy, that Toby._


	7. Chapter 7

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 7: Found

It had been another dull day at 186 Fleet Street. Mrs. Lovett's pie shop had received little to no patronage and Mr. Todd's barbershop had no better receiving only 3 customers the whole day. To make matters worse, Toby's gin supply had run out and he hadn't stopped complaining about it since noon.

Mrs. Lovett's eyes slowly open, she glances up at the clock, nine at night, and she arises from her lounge by the fireplace. The baker stretches her pale arms above her head and yawns.

She goes to sit back down and the door opens. It is Anthony the only young sailor in London who is friends with Mr. Todd and engaged to Johanna and still refuses to knock on Mrs. Lovett's shop door at nine at night…actually the ONLY young sailor in London who is friends with Mr. Todd…FULL STOP. If you could call it friends…yes, Anthony had rescued Sweeney and was unconditionally in love with his daughter but as far as relationships went they were hardly friends.

"Mrs. Lovett, ma'am," he smiles.

"Yes, love?" she yawns and notices that he's wet.

"I found her!" he looks excited.

"Found who?" she's tired and confused. 

"Johanna," he says.

"Oh…that's nice, dear," she yawns again, "Where was she?"

He lowers his voice and continues with a rather embarrassed look on his face. "Hyde Park, she was running around after a swan and when it jumped into a lake she jumped after it and …." He swallows and inhales deeply, "She can't swim so…I had jump in and grab her out of the water."

"What was she planning to do with the swan when she caught it?" Mrs. Lovett is annoyed now.

"I haven't asked her yet. I just told her not to chase wildlife around in public places," he frowns.

"Well, where is she now?" she looks around as if Johanna is sitting in the shop.

"Just outside," he nods towards the door.

"Bring her in!" she pushes him out the door. She hears voices outside and soon Anthony returns with Johanna. Her eyes are even wider than normal and a thick, wool shawl is wrapped around her soaking wet figure.

"Oh, Johanna," Mrs. Lovett whispers and takes the girl in her arms. She hugs and asks, "What have you been doin'…" She hadn't been expecting an answer and Johanna didn't give one. She just stands there a little confused looking at Anthony.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by a crash as Sweeney swung the door open, "Johanna! You found her!" he is smiling.

Mrs. Lovett sighed. _How did he find out she was gone?_

Sweeney looks as if he has read her mind and snorts, "You didn't expect me to not notice that my daughter was missing! Did you?" He looks at Anthony and Mrs. Lovett.

"…" Mrs. Lovett looks at Anthony for support.

Johanna whimpers and looks at her father, "I'm sorry," she says.

"That's alright my yellow haired angel," he looks at her, love lighting up his, usually demonic, eyes.

"Goodnight," Johanna says abruptly and kisses Anthony. She hugs her father and gives Mrs. Lovett a friendly nod before proceeding to go upstairs to bed.

The three of them look around, confused.

"Alright well that sorts that out," the baker walks to her bench, picks up a rolling pin and starts to finish a pie she started on a few hours ago.

Anthony smiles, "Goodnight, sir, ma'am."

Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett both give him a nod and he walks out.

Mr. Todd looks at Mrs. Lovett. He slowly walks over to behind the bench where she stands. He plucks the rolling pin from her hand; she gives him a confused look. Carefully he wraps his arm around her waist ands whispers in her ear, "Goodnight, Nellie."

She gazes at him, mouth agape. _He's in a good mood!_ He glances at her open mouth and kisses it. She feels his lips on hers, the loneliness and pain she once felt is enveloped with love.

But then he breaks his lips away from hers. He gives her one last meaningful look and walks from her shop.

She watches him as he leaves.

When he is gone she whispers, "Goodnight….I love you."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope this chapter makes up for previous ones and if you're wondering: Yes I promise to make longer chapters…when I feel like it! I'm not sure where to go from here…IDEAS ARE WELCOME!!!

I want REVIEWS!!! Hits are all very well and good but I can't tell opinions from hits can I?!! I DEMAND REVIEWS!!!!!! ;-) I MEAN IT!!!!!!!

-drivenbyrevenge, your friendly, demonic barber fanatic.


	8. Chapter 8

The Demon is Alive!

Chapter 8: Undying Love

Sweeney is sitting outside glaring up at the yellow midday sun. _What am I doing out here? Trying to get a tan?! _He looks down at his pale white skin and gets up. He watches Mrs. Lovett open her shop door and walk out to where he is.

What were his feelings for the baker? In one sense he hated her and her obsession with him and constant rambling and nagging but in another sense he loved her, her beautiful figure, her curly auburn hair and her love for him that shined through her deep brown eyes.

_Why?…My poor, dead Lucy is the one I'm meant to love but instead I find myself falling in love with this…this 'baker'!_

Mrs. Lovett sits down next to him, "Hello, Mr. Todd, much business today?" She strikes up a casual conversation despite knowing that he has had no more than one customer today.

"No, not very busy," he replies quietly.

"Mr. T, about what you did last night…" she trails off.

"Oh…Mrs. Lovett," he takes her lace gloved hand in his, "I just wanted you to know…." Like her, he too trails off.

_What am I doing! Confessing my undying love to her?! No! I can't…but do I love her? If I do there's no reason that I can't tell her, it's not like she would reject me. What have I got to lose?_

Mrs. Lovett leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, he didn't pull away and then they both knew for sure this was how they were meant to stay…together. However that didn't mean they were going to admit it to each other.

He pushes her off him, it hurts him to do so but he can't let her have him all at once, now can he?

She gets up very abruptly and silently walks back into her shop. Toby is sitting at a table with half a pie in his hands and half in his mouth.

"'Ello, Mrs. Wovert," he looks up at her and swallows his mouthful of pie, "what's Mr. T doin' out there?" he looks over at the door.

"I haven't the slightest clue, love, now how many pies 'ave you 'ad?" she strokes his brown hair.

"Not many, ma'am, this is only my third today," He smiles at her.

"Well, finish that one up and mop this floor, alright," her words are firm but kind.

"Yes, ma'am," He bites into what is left of his pie.

She walks to her bench and begins her constant work of rolling dough for pies.

Sweeney is still outside thinking about his relationship with Mrs. Lovett, he would go in and talk to her but Toby, _the boy, _was sitting in her shop. _Why should I care if that little rat boy is eating one of her pies?! That's it I'm walking in there RIGHT NOW!! _He stood up and strutted, yes strutted, into the shop.

He pulls the baker away from her bench and sings to her, "Mrs. Lovett, Yes I love you! Yes, I hate you. I love your voice, your looks, your body, your eyes, I hate that you see my love as a prize.

If I love you would you care? If I loved your skin, your dress, your hair?" he playfully kisses her cheek.

Surprised the baker sings back, "Mr. T, It's not fair for me, how is it fair on me, that you keep your heart in a box where no one can see?" She strokes the place on his chest where his heart lies, "I love you like the ocean, like the moon and I want you with me soon! Why do I put up with you? It must be because…" she stops singing and speaks the next part very slowly looking into his dark eyes, "I….love…you."

Toby spits out a piece of his pie.

Sweeney looks at the baker, "But, do I love you?" With that he strolls upstairs to his parlour where he remains for the rest of the day.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I refuse to write anymore without getting feedback!! Clicking the review link isn't hard I don't care if its criticism as long as it will help the story lines. Any ideas??!!! If you give me an Idea and I use it I'll thank you in that chapter

I WANT REVIEWS NOW OR IN THE NOT TO DISTANT FUTURE!!!!!!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 9: Waiting in the bay

It was time; Anthony had decided last night that he would wait no longer! Either Johanna would live with him or he would find someone else!

He opens the draperies in his sitting room; they are made of gold velvet and nicely match with the red leather lounges.

_What's wrong with my house? Turpin's dead there's nothing to worry about…_

He looks around as if searching for a ghost.

_I shall fetch Johanna and bring her back here to speak to me! _

With that Anthony stands up and walks out the door.

Johanna is sitting in front of a big, varnished duchess in her room, looking at the person staring back at her through the mirror, herself.

Hair like corn silk, a fine swanlike neck, skin the same colour of flour and the eyes of a doll but all Johanna saw was fear, sorrow and loss.

Fear of the past, sorrow like a cloud looming over her pretty, little head, the loss of her mother slowly driving her mad.

Often she would lie awake at night fearing for her father, he was a dark soul, and Johanna could see it in his face, the tragedy and darkness ready to take him over, finishing of his remaining sanity, as soon as he let down his guard.

She walks over to her wardrobe and changes into one of her many dresses. A bell crashes downstairs. _Probably a customer in Mrs. Lovett's shop._

"Johanna," a call came from downstairs.

Johanna rushes down the stairs and into the shop, Anthony is standing beside Mrs. Lovett.

"J—Johanna," he looks nervous.

"What is it, Anthony?" She looks at him, confused.

"I…" He wraps his arms around her tiny frame and his voice softens, "I want you to live with me."

She just looks at him.

"I can't stand being away from you any longer…I…wake up every morning and you're not there…I love you, Johanna and we're engaged…you…you're meant to be with me." He looks at the ground.

"No," Johanna whispers.

"What!" He stares at her in disbelief.

"No," she repeats.

This time Mrs. Lovett opens her mouth, "Why?"

Sweeney walks into the shop, "What's going on?" his voice is of its normal dark, threatening pitch.

"Well, love, Johanna and Anthony where deciding what to do about their current real estate status," she dresses up the answer.

"Oh...this again," he takes a bottle of Gin from a shelf and pours himself a glass, he then sits down at a table and views the discussion.

Toby walks sleepily into the shop, "What's for breakfast, ma'am?" He rubs his eyes, yawning.

"Nothing yet, love I'm trying to help these two sort out their problems," she nods towards Johanna and Anthony.

Toby shrugs and walks over to where Sweeney is sitting and takes a swig from the gin bottle. Sweeney gives him a cold look.

"Alright, you two! Enough is enough either live together or end it!" Mrs. Lovett gives them both a jab with her floury hands.

"No," Johanna sniffs and turns out of the room and back up stairs.

"Well…" Sweeney trails off in thought.

"That's it!" the sailor grits his teeth and rushes up stairs after his fiancé.

Toby looks up from the table and says, "What happened to the shy, polite Anthony?"

Nobody answers him. Mrs. Lovett sighs and picks up her rolling pin, her days work must be continued. Sweeney plays with a razor and Toby takes another drink of gin.

Anthony doesn't knock before he opens the door to Johanna's room, he simply walks in. 

"Johanna, I don't want to be forceful but I want you with me so much. I love more than anything Johanna…PLEASE…live with me," he gazes into her enchanting eyes.

"Oh…Anthony, I can't, you don't understand…please, remember I'll always love you," she quickly kisses him on the cheek and pulls of the shining engagement ring he bought her. She kisses the ring and presses it into his hand.

He doesn't say anything, he doesn't need to. He knows that what lies in his hand is more than just a ring, it's a symbol of his love for her and she just handed it back.

He walks downstairs and leaves 186 Fleet Street.

It is noon now and Anthony is gone, sailed away on the Bountiful, the ship that bought him to London and a new life but now all that he lived for is gone. He locked up his house and found the ship waiting in the bay as it had been for a year and with a small group of sailors he sailed away.


	10. Chapter 10

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 10: A Rug!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is set two months after the last one but nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

He had it this time. _Why did it take me so long to figure it out…? _

Befoul his beloved razors, no…never!

Burning her hadn't worked…but he had it now…the only way to finally rid himself of the…pie hag….was to…

**ROLL HER UP IN A CARPET AND THROW HER OFF A BRIDGE!!!**

He leaps up with joy and starts singing to a razor,

"Oh, Mrs. Lovett…Goodbye Forever…I said I loved you but I don't and I will never!"

His voice softens and he loosens his grip on the razor, "Goodbye…Mrs. Lovett, the end is nigh, maybe you thought we would touch the sky…live by sea but oh Mrs. Lovett it can never be…" He looks at his reflection in the razor and sees a single tear dripping down his icy skin.

_What's wrong with me? _

_I can't grow all sentimental over the pie hag! _

_Once I'm finished I'll be free of her nagging and weird obsession with me! _

_Then I can even rid myself of her rat-boy! _

_Yes…it'll be just me and my lamb, Johanna, just the way we were…but without Lucy…_

The barber pockets the razor and goes downstairs to search for a rug.

Mrs. Lovett was taking some time off to shop around for a new dress, one that would impress Mr. T…something with lace…and perhaps a satin ribbon.

Suddenly a beautiful dress catches the baker's eye, it is blue and white with fluted, lace sleeves and is embellished with navy satin ribbons around the bustle…unfortunately somebody is already wearing it.

It is a, pale, blonde woman, with a chest barely half the size of Mrs. Lovett's.

As the woman turns the street corner, Mrs. Lovett slips a small dagger from her bodice and stalks the women.

The blonde turns into a dark alley way.

_Where on earth is she going? Going down an alley like this is very convenient for me but I can't help but wonder that she knows I'm here…_

The woman turns swiftly, "May I assist you?" Her voice is firm.

"Oh, yes, love," Mrs. Lovett smiles.

"With, what, exactly?" The woman purses her lips.

With that the baker runs at the woman and crash tackles her to the cobbled pavement.

Carefully, Mrs. L stabs the woman in the neck, _now I know how Mr. T must feel…_she is very careful not to let the blood drip down to the dress and stabs the woman again and again.

"Aar…aargh…" the woman drifts away.

Mrs. Lovett strips the dress from the woman's un-shapely figure, _here's something I won't be able to fit in my bodice. _

So leaving the dress and woman there, Nellie runs from the alley and back to the street where she had placed her shopping basket before pursuing the blonde.

She races back to her dress and folds it neatly into her basket she takes one last grimace at the undressed woman and says, "Thankyou, love," and walks off as normal.

Toby is looking up at the framed picture of Mrs. Lovett's late husband whom she always refers to as her 'dear Albert'.

He had been a large man and Toby found himself aimlessly wondering whether he had grown so fat from his wife's pies.

The boy's thoughts were interrupted were interrupted by someone coming inside, Johanna.

"Oh, Toby, hello," her voice is friendlier than usual and she looks happy.

"Hello, Jo," Toby acknowledges her with the nickname he just decided to give her.

"I…it's been two months since Anthony left London," she bites her lip.

Toby takes a sip of gin.

"He sent me a letter, saying he'd be back here tomorrow but only for an hour…I…I'm going to go with him on his ship because I miss him so much,"

"'Ave you told, Mr. Todd?" He looks up at her, confused.

"No…I'm only telling you because I don't think you'll tell anyone…I can trust you, can't I?" she smiles.

"Yes, Jo, I'm not very smart up 'ere," he points to his head, "But I can keep a secret."

"Thankyou, Toby," she hugs him and rushes out, possibly to pack her bags.

Sweeney has been searching the entire house for a suitable rug or carpet and he has finally found one he likes.

It is large, big enough for the pie hag, an ugly mustard colour, so it won't be used in the house and has grey tassels around the edges.

_Now all I have to do is find that…__**woman**__...and roll her up in this and throw her off a bridge…but what bridge and how on earth will I get her there? _

He looks down and realises that he is absentmindedly stroking the razor in his hand.

By now Mrs. Lovett is getting tired and considering leaving the markets and going home but then she notices a fortune teller's stall, she can't resist and makes for the stall quickly.

"How much, love?" she asks the vendor.

"That'll be tuppence," he doesn't smile.

"Bit, pricey, aint it?" she whispers to her self, reluctantly handing over the money.

"Go on in, Trinity will be at her table,"

She walks, nervously, into a small tent and sees a young woman wearing a gold turban.

"I have been expecting you," the woman uses a typical fortune teller's opening line, "sit."

Nellie sits and holds put her hand out. The woman takes it and looks at it for a few moments.

"Mmmm…..no…no…this isn't right…"

With a dazed look the woman continues, "YOU ARE IN DANGER! CHERISH WHAT YOU HAVE BEFORE IT BETRAYS YOU!!!!

I SEE A RUG!!!!! A RUG!"

The woman collapses against the table puffing.

Mrs. Lovett rushes out, clearly Trinity is mad! _A rug? Couldn't she have been a bit more creative!_

"Toby!" The barber calls the boy.

"Comin'" Toby sets down his glass of gin and runs up to Mr. Todd's tonsorial parlour.

The boy reaches the door and comes in.

"Toby, when Mrs. Lovett comes home, send her straight up…actually no..wait." He walks to his dresser and writes a note

Nellie,

Come up to my parlour, at once!

I wish to discuss our relationship with you.

I love you, your body, your voice and your heart. Keep everyone else downstairs I wish to make this meeting a very, very intimate and romantic one.

Until then I will wait in longing for you, my love.

With love from, Mr. Todd.

He folds the note in half, once and gives it to Toby, "Give this to her right away when she gets back, do you understand?

"Yes, sir," Toby takes the note and rushes back to his gin.

It is almost six p.m and Mrs. Lovett walks into her shop with her shopping basket.

"Ma'am, I 'ave a note for you!" Toby pushes it into her hand.

She reads it quickly. _I knew it! I knew it was only a matter of time before he realised that he loved me!_

The baker runs to her room to change to her new white dress. It fits perfectly hugging her chest and hips. She walks up to his parlour, the full moon shining upon her auburn hair.

Sweeney is waiting by the door the carpet at his side and Mrs. Lovett's rolling pin, which he stole from downstairs, in his cold hand.

She opens the door and says, "I got your note Mr. T," she is too infatuated to notice that he's holding her rolling pin.

"Good," he stares straight at her, trying not to lose himself in her eyes, perhaps there had been some truth to that letter.

"I read what you said about having a romantic, intimate meeting," she strokes his hair and giggles, "It sounds like a good idea."

"I thought so, too," he kisses her neck, the ecstasy of his lips consume her and with that, he hits her over the head with the rolling pin. "Bloody, Fucking, PIE HAG!" He spits.

He hits her a few more times for good measure and takes her semi-unconscious body and rolls it up in the carpet.

He pours himself a cup of coffee from his faithful kettle and drinks while considering what bridge to drop her off and how to get there.

_Tower Bridge, yes it's not to far away and if the drop doesn't kill her the unforgiving waters below will…_

He glares down on the rug and strolls down stairs to the dark street. A dog sniffs at his ankles, "Shoo, scat," he hisses at the dog and it flees. A carriage pulled by a large, important looking horse is going past.

"Stop! You, there, stop," he yells at the coachman.

The man leans forward, settling the horse and looks at the barber, "Lookin' for a lift, sir?"

"Of course I bloody, well am! Well, I mean…a lift would be great!" he smiles and continues, "I… I have some extra baggage, will that be alright?"

"As long as I don't 'ave to do any heavy liftin', me ol' back give out a couple years back," he drops the reigns and strokes a bushy, dark beard.

"I'll be right back!" Sweeney rushes excitedly up to his parlour. Mrs. Lovett is squirming slightly in the rug.

He grabs the rolling pin from where he left it on his chair. He looks down at the Mrs. Lovett shaped body in the rug and hits it a few times, as hard as he can, she stops moving.

He scoops up the rug, it is heavy, he gasps and almost drops her. He unrolls the carpet and looks down, _that dress must way a ton! _

He reaches down to take of the blue and white monstrosity and fails.

There is no point of exit from the dress so he takes his razor and in a last attempt to lighten the dress, rips the skirt into shreds…and still it doesn't budge.

He gives up and rolls her body back up in the carpet, takes a deep breath and drags her downstairs. 

Thunk, thunk, thunk, her body hits the steps as he drags her down.

He tucks in a few strands of her auburn hair and walks over to the coachman, "Where, should I put **her**, I mean...**it**," he nods down at the rug.

"Ain't no room in the back you'll 'ave to put that thing on your lap and I almost forgot a lift will be thruppence,"

The barber silently hands over the money and gets into the carriage.

"Where are you hoping to go?" The man gets the horse moving and they set off down the street.

"Tower, Bridge, my friend," the barber strokes his streak in thought.

"Well, I can take you as far as St. Paul's cathedral…how's that sound?" He frowns.

"Fine," they both grow silent and the horse moves through London at a steady pace.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know. I know this chap took 4ever! But I hope u like it!! Will Sweeney really throw the mustard carpet from the bridge, oh and Mrs. Lovett, what happens when Johanna joins Anthony and will anything interesting ever happen to Toby? Find out in Chap 11: Coming soon to a computer near you!


	11. Chapter 11

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 11: A Silent Goodbye/ I can do the CANCAN!

The man pulled the horse up at St. Paul's cathedral and turned to Mr. Todd, "Alright out with you, not that I want to sound unaccommodatin' but I'm don't usually work this late," he glances down at a pocket watch reading 8 o'clock.

Without a word Sweeney glances out to the street, which is conveniently deserted and pulls the carpet containing the baker's limp body, out of the carriage. The man gives him a nod and is gone. Sweeney watches the man and his horse disappear into the shadows and drags the carpet down an empty street towards Tower Bridge.

Toby is searching for Mrs. Lovett, "Mrs. Lovett, ma'am, where are you?" he goes to unlock the door to the bakehouse but stops, remembering what happened the first time he went down there. He gives up and decides to go and talk to Johanna.

He reaches the door and hears crying. Toby knocks twice and walks in.

"Ah! Oh, Toby it's you," Johanna wipes tears from her cheek.

"What's 'apenned Jo?" He sits down on her bed next to her.

"I'm afraid of what father will do once he knows I'm gone," she frowns.

"Oh, I know 'ow to fix that!" He ushers her down to the empty pie shop

The boy sits Johanna down and pours her a large glass of gin and pushes it across the dirty table, towards her.

She smells it, it's strong and it doesn't smell like anything she's ever seen before. She shrugs her dainty shoulders and drinks the whole glass.

Toby, who thinks he's being helpful, pours her another one, which she looks at once and drinks even faster than the first. They continue this pattern.

Sweeney has reached the bridge and it is as deserted as the streets, he glances down at the carpet by his feet and bites his lip.

He bends down and uncurls the carpet; Mrs. Lovett is out cold even after the jerky carriage ride.

He sits on the bridge with the unconscious woman saying a silent goodbye, _Nellie, I can't do this to you, I know, but I have too, I'll miss you but we'd both suffer more if you stayed alive when I didn't love you…do I love you? I can't, even if I do, I can't. I owe it to Lucy, when I married her I said till death do we part and even if she is dead I'm not…I can't betray my Lucy._

If there had been anyone watching this scene they would have viewed a strangely pale man with a white streak in his dark hair looking forlornly down at a mustard coloured carpet.

They sat like that for a good 15 minutes in complete silence.

Mr. Todd quickly kisses Mrs. Lovett's cold cheek and rolls the carpet back up. He inhales, lifts up the carpet containing Mrs. Lovett and throws her from Tower Bridge down to the River Thames.

She drops very quickly but to the barber it is like an eternity.

Somehow, as she falls the carpet manages to stay around her. She hits the dark water below with a crash.

Sweeney flinches at the sound and watches Nellie Lovett as she drifts and sinks being pulled down by the blue and white dress, he watches as her eyes momentarily open and seem to look right into his and then quickly close and he watches until there is nought on the surface of the river but a broken off tassel of the ugly carpet.

The bottle of Gin is empty but Toby and Johanna are having a wonderful time!

"Jo, come up here!" Toby is drunk and standing on one of the tables in the pie shop.

"Oh, alrighty!" Johanna goes to climb onto the table and falls mid-step.

In a fit of drunken laughter they get her onto the table.

"You know what, Toby?" Johanna steadies herself on the thirteen year old's shoulder.

"What, Jo?" he glances over at the empty gin bottle, perhaps waiting for more to appear.

"We should do the cancan on this table!" she giggles foolishly.

"I agree!" he laughs.

So with that the drunken Johanna and Toby join hands and dance the cancan while singing, "CANCAN, I CAN DO THE CANCAN, I CAN DO THE CANCAN, YES I CAN…**CAN**!!" over and over again in their loud, drunk voices.

Just as they're on to their seventeenth rendition of the cancan, Sweeney walks in; unfortunately they do not hear the door open.

"CANCAN, I CAN DO THE--"

"What are you doing?! What's going on?!" the sorrow that had been on the barber's face is immediately replaced with fury,

"Both of you, OUT! Johanna, straight to bed! Toby, scrub down this table and when your done do the same as Johanna and SLEEP!"

Toby and Johanna scatter, the latter goes straight to her room and Toby goes straight for a bucket and cloth for the table.

Sweeney stands for a while watching the boy wash the grimy table but eventually he retires up to his parlour. He doesn't sleep, he can't, instead he paces his parlour, razor in hand, all night.

_What was the rat-boy thinking? He and Johanna were completely drunk! The small supply of Gin that we had is completely gone and it's because of that fucking kid! As soon as I can I'm getting rid of him, back down into the sewer…NO! I have to kill him or else I'll have to feed him. Johanna! How could she have been so easily mislead! She can be forgiven but that boy has to go!_

The barber takes a look at his razor, still in hand, and looks over to the chair in the centre of the room…in a pointless rage he throws the razor at the worn, leather chair, it hits the back, like a dart and the whole chair quivers.

She slams the wardrobe door, her hands full of dresses which she proceeds to fold into a small suitcase.

_This is the second time that I've had to pack my bags_ _to run away from a guardian. No this is much different. I cannot compare Father to that man, Turpin! I can't be without Anthony but I can't live with him this is the only solution. _

"Daddy…I'm sorry," She looks up at the roof, tears welling in her eyes and sings, "I can't fly so I will sail with my love, forgetting my dreams of the sky above. Goodbye…father, it's not your fault, don't feel bad….I'll always love you but I'll be sad. I'll be sad to let you go but my spirit must grow. Daddy, I'm sorry…" she blinks tears back but they persist and roll down her pale cheeks.

She closes the suitcase and walks over to her mirror. Johanna brushes her long hair, thinking of a life with Anthony, imagining their wedding and whatever else destiny might bring, all happy things, she can't stand to think off anything else.

It is morning.

Sunlight shines through the skylight and into the barber's dark eyes, it does not wake him, he was up long before the sun. He glares back up at it and turns his back toward his mirror. A distorted, ghostly face stares back through the glass. For a moment Sweeney is generally worried about his appearance, _why is my face all blurry and broken up? _Then he realises that the mirror is cracked, _oh_. He walks over to his dresser, feeling rather stupid.

Toby is in the pie shop, but without Mrs. Lovett to order him about, he doesn't know what to do. _Where is Mrs. L? She hasn't been back since, since….since she went to see Mr. Todd!_ Toby screams the house down, possibly deafening the whole of Fleet Street.

Mr. Todd rushes down stares and storms into the shop, "You, boy!" He grabs Toby by the ear."

"A—aargh," Toby tries to pull away and fails.

"First you get my daughter drunk and now you scream the house down! You're going back to where you belong!" He then drags him right down to the cage, Toby once lived in. He throws him into it and locks it up.

"NO! Not this again, I...I almost died the first time! Please--"

"Shut up! You'll stay here until I can get rid of you, until then be happy you're alive!" With that the barber walks back into the pie shop and glances around. _Now…what am I meant to do if I get a customer wanting a pie? I can't cook; I'm a supplier, not a bloody baker!_

Johanna is standing, looking out at the water, on the side of the bay in London, waiting for Anthony.

A ship stops near her, "Johanna!" Anthony leans so far of the side it looks as if he shall fall. He takes her suitcase and pulls her aboard.

"Anthony," She presses herself into his chest and hugs him. He pulls her head up and gazes at her beauty.

"I missed you," He whispers to her. He kisses her gently and she kisses him back…they are both happy at last.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I forgot to put this in the last chapter! THANKS heaps to my big sister, Eliza, for story line help in chap. 10!!!

Also thankyou to JDLuvaSQEE for the cool review! (Check out her stories they're cool!!)


	12. Chapter 12

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 12: Marge

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is set three days after the last one. :-)

Sweeney had been having a long think, his daughter was gone and he had, literally, thrown his last chance at love away.

He decided that the only way he can keep the business up and running is if he has Toby, so reluctantly, he freed him from the cage.

Toby is sitting around the shop, grateful to be out of the cage, when Sweeney walks in.

"Take this money and buy some silver polish, my razors are getting dull, oh and I want a recipe book, don't say it's for me!" Sweeney is oh so slightly embarrassed that he has little to no cooking ability.

"Yes, sir," Toby takes the money but he doesn't make eye contact with the barber.

He walks out and straight to Mr. March's Silverware and China shop.

Sweeney glances around the shop and walks over to the bench. The rolling pin has been placed back on the bench and is next to the flour. He picks it up and starts rolling dough for pies.

By the end of his effort about an hour later Mr. Todd has produced a very sad pie, a pie in fact that is so sad that he doesn't even bother to bake it.

Instead he looks at the mouldy crust and the top of the pie which is barely managing to cling to the edges, and puts it on the shelf as a reminder to himself of what not to do.

Just as he stands back to look at the 'pie' Toby walks in with the polish and a leather bound recipe book. 

He pushes them into Sweeney's hands and says, "You'll never guess what that farmer Ivan Schmaltz gave me down at them markets!"

Sweeney rolls his eyes, "A free egg, a pint of cream somthin' like that?" he says vaguely.

"No and no! A goat!"

"A what?"

"A goat!" He says again.

"A what?"

"A goat!"

"A goat?"

"Yes, a goat !" Toby jumps up and down in excitement.

"Show me!"

"Alright then come outside," Toby is suddenly not afraid of the vicious barber and tugs him out the door.

An old nanny goat on a chain is standing out the front, her hair is grey but presumably used to be white.

"Maa—aa," she bleats.

"Her name is Marge," Toby strokes her small minded head, "Do you like 'er?"

"How are we meant to take care of this 'Marge', exactly?"

"Well, I thought maybe I could open a stall sellin' somethin' down at the markets and she might sleep in the yard or maybe when it's cold she can 'ave the outside dining area,"

"Keep it out of my way and you keep it!" Sweeney looks down at the goat.

"Yes sir!" Toby unchains Marge and leads her around to the back.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Only a short chapter to introduce Marge!

Thanks heaps to Evil Robina for the stupid review and heaps of new plot ideas!! Check out her stories there cool!

R&R PLEASE!!!


	13. Chapter 13

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 13: 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I haven't disclaimed in yonks so read on!

R&R PLEASE!!! :-)

Johanna and Anthony are standing on the bow of the Bountiful looking out onto the blue horizon, they are infatuated by the colours and she turns to kiss him.

Suddenly, a loud pop is heard and Anthony disappears. Johanna is completely bewildered, "Anthony, Anthony! I could have sworn he was right here," She looks over the edge to see if he's fallen in but there's no sign of him. She looks back to the floor and sees a frog next to her feet, "Oh, Anthony, is that you? You poor thing," she holds the frog close to her.

Anthony is suddenly standing in what looks like an abandoned warehouse, wearing a pair of black, tight, leather pants and an unbuttoned leather vest with metal chains shining from it. He is standing with one leg chained to a brick wall, next to him is a clearly delusional writer holding a flamethrower.

"Aaah," What the hell is that!" He nods down at the flamethrower.

"Uh…Duh! A flamethrower!" She pulls the trigger on the flamethrower and red hot flames spew from it.

"Aaah! Don't do that!" He looks down at himself, "What in God's name am I wearing?!"

"I thought that would have been fairly clear but as I keep forgetting **you are an idiotic, stalker/sailor! **You are wearing what I choose you to and be thankful that I chose that outfit and not the pink, zebra print, g-string!" She says smugly.

"G-string?"

"Never mind…" She shakes her head.

"My Johanna will be so worried…." He stresses.

"No, I left a frog in your place, if all goes to plan then she'll be married to it in no time" the girl grins down at the flamethrower.

"One more thing…Who are you?!"

"Once again, I thought you would know but whatever…I'm drivenbyrevenge, yes, I know it's a shock for you to meet such a famous writer as myself" She flicks her caramellow coloured hair at him.

"Uh…okay…what do you want?"

"You are going to be my disclaimer!"

"What? That's stupid! NO WAY!"

"Yes way, Mr. Hope!" She pulls the trigger and singes his pants.

"Ah, ouch that's hot!" he bats at his leg.

"DISCLAIM MY STORY!!!" she presses the flamethrower to his temple.

"Fine! Drivenbyrevenge owns nothing!"

"Good boy," she pats his head and pushes a toffee into his mouth.

* * *

Toby and Marge are sitting outside the shop, "You see, Marge, I fear the worst for ol' Mrs. Lovett, I do 'ope he didn't kill 'er, I just tries not to think about it! He scares me he does!"

"Maa-aa," she nuzzles against his chest.

"No…we'll be alright,"

* * *

Mr. Todd is having a very busy day and is standing by his door polishing his razor.

A young man rushes in, he looks about seventeen, he's crying, "Sir, you must help me,"

"What's happened, what's wrong?"

"You have razors; I want you to kill me!"

Mr. Todd stares at him. _What's this? Usually my customers don't ask me to kill them, _"Why?"

"Have---have you ever loved someone but it's forbidden…e--even when all loves are the same…I have, his name was Gordon and his father wouldn't allow us to see each other after we confessed that we were in love!"

_Okay, he's gay…weird but this might be a help to me! _

"I'm not going to kill you! You can start afresh working as a barber's assistant right here!"

He sniffs, "What will you pay me with?"

"A room and food," Sweeney is feeling a whole new kind of happiness, the joy of helping others.

"Maybe, I suppose Gordon would've wanted it…I'm William, You are?"

"The name's Bond…JAMES BOND,"

"Really?"

"No, it's Mr. Todd. Now, Downstairs there will be a boy and a goat, go to the boy, even though the goat's smarter and ask for the spare room, tell him I sent you," He pushes Will outside.

Sweeney grins down at his razor, smiling.

_

* * *

_

_I'm alive; _that was her first thought when, after almost a week of being unconscious, Nellie Lovett woke up on a carpet, which was soaring through the clouds above Liverpool.

_Soaring?! _"Aaaaah!! Bloody hell! Get me down!!!" No one can hear the baker but when she looks down on the rug she saw how safe she was, _My God! What are the chances that he'd use this rug! That old shop vendor told me it was magic but I thought he just meant lucky…I'm safe but where am I?_

* * *

William is sweeping the parlour floor for Mr. Todd who is downstairs with a glass of gin.

"Sweeping, sweeping…la la la….sweeping…" he sings and dances with the broom…_Maybe now my life might have a sense of purpose again, even if I can't be with Gordon, anyway that Mr. Todd is quiet nice…yes, very dishy…_

He puts the broom to one side and walks over to the pictures of Lucy and Johanna, _I haven't seen these people around…_All of a sudden Mr. Todd walks in and sees Will with his hand on his beloved photos.


	14. Chapter 14

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 14: Home

**A/N: **

"**You know what to do," Driven nods over to Anthony.**

"**But, WHY?" Anthony jumps up and down like a frustrated preschooler.**

"**Because, you stupid door-barger-innerer, I don't want to be sued!"**

"**How will that affect me?"**

"**Did you know that if you hadn't barged in on Mr. T's shop then Turpin would've died earlier and you could've ran off with Johanna waaaay before you did!" she says matter-of-factly.**

"**So?" **

"**So…DISCLAIM!"**

"**Drivenbyrevenge owns nothing…" he rolls his eyes.**

"**Nothing except?"**

"**Except my SOUL!" he gives her an icy look. **

Sweeney sees Will his hand touching the photo of Lucy. He walks over to him and quickly grabs him by the tips of his stylish, pink hair.

"YOU, BOY! You gandered at my wife, Lucy, you gandered at her! GANDER GANDER GANDER!!!!" He screams.

"Gander, Lucy? I'm confused!"

"I saw you with your finger on her left breast!"

"Tha—that was a breast!?" He rubs the bruise on his head, courtesy of Mr. Todd.

Now anyone who knows Sweeney well would know that Will's comment only made him angrier.

"OUT! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Sweeney throws the gay boy down the stairs.

"Aah, how rude!" Will purses his glossed lips and walks over to Toby and Marge.

Marge sees a teenage, human, boy wearing a purple, velvet jacket with a pair of silver jeans, which are strangely modern for the 1800s. She greets him, "

"Maa-aaaa."

"Helloo, Goaty," He scratches her ear.

"'er name is, MARGE!" Toby pulls the goat close to himself and glares at Will.

Will walks off, _Sweeney is mad at me, Toby is mad at me, but I don't even know why and now I might not even have a job!_

Nellie is finally learned how to steer the carpet which she has named George. She tugs a tassel and the rug veers slightly to the right. _Now all I has to do is get back to Fleet Street and find Mr. T……That asshole, throw me off a bridge! Who does 'e think 'e is? Yes I'll get back to me shop and have revenge……but Nellie Lovett loves that stupid barber…I'll just do what he did and become someone new…someone who doesn't care about him at all…I'll call myself…Gabrielle… West…well if he can give himself a bloody ridiculous first name with a normal last name than so can I!  
_

She forces the carpet to the ground and lands in a conveniently placed, small, forest clearing.

For the first time, Nellie, who from now on we shall call Gabrielle, looks down at her dress. It has turned a greyish colour and the skirt is ripped to shreds. The blue ribbons are now strands of silk hanging limply and the dress as a whole looks completely ridiculous.

_I worked so 'ard for this dress…now look at it! RUINED! Completely RUINED!! Oh well, no matter, I'll do the same to Sweeney when I get home!_

She moves to the rug and sits on it, she tugs one tassel up and it suddenly flies up.

Nellie, I mean, Gabrielle, crosses her legs and gazes out at the sky before her with a hint of malice in her smile.

The carpet flies above the cool, mist and onto the outskirts of London.

Gabrielle breathes in the polluted London air, _home at last._

**A/N: Sorry this one's really short…but…meh! If your name is Gabrielle then please don't take offense to this, I know that Gabrielle isn't really ridiculous but I thought it suited Nellie.**

**R&R PLEASE!!**


	15. Chapter 15

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 15: Multiple Reality Checks

**A/N: **

**Anthony's mouth has duct tape on it, "Bly do Bli blath to blav bluish bluth on bli blouth?"**

**Which, quite obviously translates to: Why do I have to have this stuff on my mouth? **

**Driven, who is a master at translating gibberish looks at him, eyebrows raised, "Because, AnThony," she emphasises the T sound, "I don't care what anyone says! I OWN SWEENEY!!!" She stomps her foot.**

"**Bluth you doth," He tries to say, But you Don't!**

"**Stupid, asshole sailor….prove me wrong…" she mutters as she rips the duct tape from Anthony's mouth.**

"**AAAAAH," Anthony rubs his lip, "Well at least that got rid of my upper lip hair problem."**

"**Just fucking say it!" her eyes momentarily flash from blue to red and back to blue again.**

**He smiles sarcastically, "drivenbyrevenge doesn't own anything Sweeney Todd related…apart from this work of fiction." **

"**Thanks Sailor-Moon," she snorts.**

"**Who?"**

"**Forget it…"**

Gabrielle aka Nellie is sitting by a stream near London, she looks at her reflection in the water.

A greyish, ghostly face framed by lank, dark, stringy curls stares out of the water.

Her eyes have lost their colour and are like murky grey pools.

She looks completely different.

Gabrielle looks around for people, when she knows that nobody is watching, she strips down to a yellow petticoat, bloomers and corset.

She kneels down with the dress and attempts to wash it in the stream, the once white dress is now riddled with algae and slime from the Thames. She scrubs hard with her nails but the dress is destined to be green. Eventually she gives up and collapses on the grass by the stream.

Sweeney has been thinking a lot in the past few days. He is sitting in his Barber chair, razor in hand, gazing off into space. _Nellie…Nellie…Nellie…Nellie, _Her name revolves in his head over and over again. _Nellie…Nellie…Nellie, why…what made me kill her?…I loved her…her pale skin and those beautiful brown eyes…so very different to Lucy's…so much deeper…and that voice…kind and soft…she really loved me…but it's to late now. _

He looks down to his razor, he has no intentions of hurting himself. He just wants to watch the rubies drip. He pulls of his glove and smoothly slices the back of his cool, white hand with his friend, his razor.

His skin drips rubies, precious rubies. He feels no pain as he runs the silver blade through his skin. The blood drips of the razor and out of his hand, bloody tears of pain and loss.

Mr. Todd watches the liquid drip down the leather chair. _Nellie. _He tastes the salt from a tear as it runs past his mouth and drips down onto the blood oozing out of the cut. _Nellie. _

Toby is talking to Marge outside, "I think you'd look awful pretty in a white veil, Marge….and one of them lacy things….yes a garter!"

He hugs the goat, "I'll wear a suit and tie for the reception! It'll be great!"

The lonely teenage boy sighs and strokes the animal, "No…I know, you're a goat but I've been feeling so upset since Mrs. Lovett left…."

He's crying. "I don't think she's coming back, Marge, I think he killed her, you would've loved 'er. She would have taken care of us, Marge…."

He frowns. "What am I doin'? Talking to a goat! You can't understand me anyhow!"

"Baa-aaa?" She cocks her head.

"If she is alive…which I doubt…I hope she's happy…" he forces a smile through his tears.

The bountiful is heading west, Johanna is sitting in the middle of the deck talking to the frog, "Oh Anthony…How did you turn into a frog!?"

"Cr—o-ak," the frog eyed a nice, juicy fly by Johanna's ear.

"I liked you better as a human,"

The frog whips out its sticky tongue and tries to get the fly, it misses and licks Johanna's cheek instead.

Johanna thinks that it tried to kiss her, "Oh, Anthony, I love you. Guess what! I know how to get you back to normal! All I have to do is kiss you!"

She leans forward and kisses the frog…..nothing happens…..until suddenly Johanna feels her yellow hair disappear, she shrinks and her feet become webbed and green. She also has a strong craving for flies, Johanna has turned herself into a FROG!

Sadly one of the ship's crew saw it all, "WITCH! IT'S A WITCH! BURN HER!!" He runs over to the pair of frogs.

Quickly he scoops up Johanna and the frog and proceeds to take them below to his small cabin. Johanna peeks through the man's fingers. She sees a hammock, various possessions obviously belonging to this suspicious man and a large glass bowl full of fruit.

He tips the fruit out, grapes go rolling everywhere, then he partially fills the bowl with water from a jug and puts Johanna and the other frog in it, after realising that they can escape he places a book over it.

Johanna realises that they are trapped she tries to scream but all that escapes her mouth is a feeble, "Ccc-rroo-ak," to which the other frog replies, "Cro-ak."

_What was I thinking, he's not Anthony at all! He's a frog and thanks to me being a gullible idiot, I am too!_

**A/N: Helloo! I know this chap isn't very long but I sort of wrote myself into a dead end here! Chap 16 is coming soon but It may take a few days!**

**R&R Please!**


	16. Chapter 16

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 16: Cruel Intentions

**A/N: driven pats Anthony's hand, "You don't have to say it, Ant,"**

"**You're only saying that because you want to live in a delusion where you own Sweeney Todd," he pulls his hand away.**

"**Sailor-Moon!"**

"**Stop that! My name is Anthony, Little miss 'I have Sweeney OCD but I'm too happy living in a magical pixie land of my own to admit that I don't own it!" He sticks his tongue out rather immaturely. **

**She sticks her tongue out in reply.**

"**This is hardly a chapter anyway! It's not even 500 words! You're only posting it to make a threat at the end!" he says very Matter-of-Factly.**

"**Touché…disclaim away," her eyes sink.**

"**Driven owns N-O-T-H-I-N-G!" He shouts.**

"**You didn't have to spell it out!" she grimaces.**

Gabrielle aka Nellie has put the dress back on…she looks pitiful. Once full, bouncy curls, that are now lank auburn strands hang from her head. Even her skin looks greyer.

Her appearance change is similar to that of Mr. Todd's. Benjamin Barker had wide eyes and soft hair and a kind smile….Sweeney Todd's eyes were cold and unforgiving, his white streak proving his insanity and his eyebrows and mouth set into a petulant scowl.

In short Benjamin had been truly alive whereas Sweeney, though legally alive, was already dead inside.

Nellie Lovett had been loving and caring, she had a pretty face, high cheekbones and knowing, kind eyes….Gabrielle West is a broken woman. Almost grey skin, strangely hair and empty, soulless eyes show her for what she is, a woman, with cruel intentions.

**A/N: Very short but I only wrote it for this: I will not be updating until the review count gets up to 20! Reviewing is a very simple thing. CLICK THE LINK! 20 good reviews and you get to find out what Gabrielle does to Sweeney!**

**Until then****,**

**-driven.**


	17. Chapter 17

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 17: Fack 

**A/N: I'm glad I am able to post this! 20 REVIEWS!! THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!**

**This Chap is set one week after the last. **

**Anthony's eyes widen in curiosity as he leans over driven's shoulder to see her computer's screen, "Fack…? What's a fack?"**

**Driven looks around for something to hit him with, she fails and decides to explain, "Fack is a word….in some contexts it can be used as an insult but it's mainly just a more polite replacement of the 'F' word," she tells him.**

"**Finch?" he asks. **

"**No! Fu--….yes! Finch!" she grins evilly, once again looking around the room, this time for her flamethrower.**

"**So…what's with my outfit today?" Anthony is wearing a full body suit of foil topped off with swimming flippers and a Luigi hat (don't know what that is? Luigi's one of the Mario Bros. He wears a big, floppy green cap with a giant white L on the front. GOOGLE IT!!!)**

"**What's wrong with it? This is my favourite one yet!" She laughs.**

"**I thought you liked the Pikachu costume better," he explains.**

"**Oh…I did but….I really love the sound that the flippers make when you walk!" she nods down at his feet.**

"**Can I disclaim now?"**

"**You actually want to!?" her eyebrows hit her hairline.**

"**If I have to make a fool of myself in these clothes I might as well do something productive!" he puts his hands on his hips.**

"**Fine…go on," she sighs.**

"**Drivenbyrevenge does not own: Sweeney Todd, Super Mario Bros or Pokémon….or the word Fack," he says very proudly. **

"**Thanks, Anthony but I don't think anyone owns the word Fack,"**

Marge and Toby are sitting by the bottom of the staircase to Mr. Todd's parlour. He hasn't been out all day, not downstairs, not outside, not even into the pie shop which has meant Toby has had to serve the costumers with the remaining pies Mrs. Lovett left.

Sweeney is sitting in his barber chair, he hasn't slept, he hasn't eaten, all he's done is think. About her.

Usually his thoughts would linger around Lucy but now he finally realises that Lucy is gone and she has been…not since he killed her, no, he lost Lucy…HIS Lucy the moment that he got transported.

He missed Lucy, yes, but that pain was nothing compared to knowing that SHE was gone…SHE was the one who confessed her feelings to his blindness. SHE was the one who whispered "I love you," again and again to his deaf ears. SHE was the one who clung to his hand even though he was numb. SHE was the one who sang to his never-ending silence. SHE was the one who tried perfume after perfume to loosen his sense of smell. SHE was the one who kissed his lips when he couldn't taste a thing. SHE was the one who looked through his empty eyes and touched his dead soul. SHE was Nellie Lovett, HIS Nellie Lovett. SHE was gone.

His hand had healed quite nicely and there was only a small line left. He had made the cut fairly deep but still, only a line.

He drifts away in thought…about her…he's not really sleeping but he's not really awake.

Gabrielle has finally decided to return to Fleet Street and have HER revenge. For too long she had helped him get his! It was her turn now! She rolls out George and sits. She takes a breath and pulls the tassels up. George soars up and within seconds she is staring down, onto the dark, filthy London streets.

She flies through the foggy noon mist and smiles sickly when she sees a grimy barber pole protruding from a mossy brick wall, the wall of Mr. T's parlour.

She still can't control the carpet very well and ends up missing the skylight and lands straight on top of Toby.

"AAAAAH!" the boy screams as the woman on the carpet knocks him from his feet and onto Marge. He tumbles a few metres before getting up dizzily.

Gabrielle sees Toby, her little Toby, and runs to hug him. At the last moment she stops, remembering that she is Gabrielle West now and all she needs is revenge! Toby doesn't notice anyway, the fall has knocked him senseless; he turns to say something to Marge, "Fack…." That is all he can say. He tries to say hello, sounding out the word very slowly, "Faa-a-ck," Toby runs inside, possibly to throw a tantrum.

Gabrielle rolls George up and props him against the edge of the stairs. She climbs the stairs to the tonsorial parlour and opens the door. Sweeney is asleep…he looks broken, hurt, but not like usual…his eyelids keep flickering but they don't open.

She creeps around to the back of the chair and stands over him. "I love you," she whispers into the air. Breathing in his scent, she puts her lips to his ear, "I love**d** you…I FUCKING LOVED YOU!" she yells it feels good to finally let out her anger.

His eyes open, "Wha..?" he starts to speak but it's too late. She pulls the lever at the base of the chair. The chair flicks back, the trapdoor opens and the demon barber of Fleet Street slides down quickly, into the bakehouse.

Now she is crying, "I would've done anything for you…anything. You were to fucking obsessed with your whore wife…PRECIOUS LUCY…to even see! I loved you for what you were…I forgave you over and over for everything, you are a monster but all I saw was perfection!" Her voice lowers to a strained whisper, "I loved you." She dries her tears and leaves the parlour. She rushes past Toby, who is uttering the word 'fack' to himself and she goes down to her bakehouse.

Sweeney lies face down on the bricks. She walks over to him and flips him around. He is dizzy and barely conscious.

"You—you're….I killed you!" he says.

She smiles wickedly and sings, "No…I didn't die… You through me of that Bridge…but the carpet could fly! No…I didn't die and now I'm back, Mr. T, yes, Mr. T! I'm home at last! Revenge, Mr. T is sweet...and this is gonna be a real treat, Mr. T…I'll make it last! What I'm gonna make you go through…such a shame that I don't love you..." she kicks him.

He doesn't move.

She kneels down and slaps him across the face, "Wakie, Wakie, Angel!"

He opens his eyes and props himself up on an elbow. "Nellie? Nellie….is it really you?" He does fifty double-takes.

"No! My Name's Gabrielle!" She kicks him again, in the ribs. He doesn't react.

"Nellie…it is you!" he laughs, "Stop kicking me!"

"I…loved you so much!" she screams. She leans down and pulls his razor from his pocket and presses it to his neck

"You still do, Nellie," his voice isn't cold like usual…it has kindness.

"No! I HATE YOU!" she takes a shaky breath and gets ready to press the razor through his flesh.

"If you hated me…you wouldn't have returned…you wouldn't have put all this effort in for someone you hate, you love me Nellie…and…I didn't know it…not until I thought I'd lost you… but…" he gently pushes her hand away and stands up, feeling fine even after the attack and stares into her eyes, they are brown again, "I love you too."

She drops the razor, "Wha—at?"

**A/N: MWHAHAHA!! Aren't I just a cow for ending it there!!** **Thanks to Biohazrd23 for the help with the Fack plotline, which originally stemmed from my obsession of the word! Check out his 'Resident Evil' Parody!**

**-driven.**

**P.S. fack…fack…fack….**


	18. Chapter 18

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 18: Vanilla Musk

**A/N: "Hurry up and type! You said you'd return me to Johanna once you finished this chapter!" Anthony is jumping from one foot to the other as driven types.**

"**I know….I know. Stop annoying me!" she pushes him away.**

"**But I want to go home nooooowww!" he stomps.**

"**Bad Anthony!" she smacks his nose. **

**Anthony is dressed in one of the most degrading costumes in the history of degrading costumes. He is in a hot dog suit. **

**Suddenly Scooby-Doo and Shaggy pop out of no-where.**

**Scooby licks his lips (if dogs have lips) and says to Shaggy, "Raggy, rook a rot rog!"**

"**Awesome, Scooby, I'll beat you to it!" they run at Anthony/ Mr. Hot Dog. They tackle him to the ground and he face plants the concrete. **

"**AAAAAH! RAPE! Driven, help me!" he screams as Shaggy and Scooby bite off parts of the costume.**

**Drivenbyrevenge is having a hysterical laughing fit and does nothing.**

"**AAAAAH! They're biting parts that aren't even the costume!" **

**Driven finally decides to do something. She looks around for her flamethrower. She finds it next to her trophy for fastest toenail clipper and picks it up. She squeezes the silver trigger and flames spread all over Shaggy and Scooby…and the hotdog. **

"**Raaa! Rat's Rot!" Scooby screams.**

"**Yeah Scoob, what are we gonna do?!"**

"**Stop biting my leg, hopefully!" Anthony yells. **

**Driven kicks Shaggy and Scooby of Anthony and lets go of the trigger on the flamethrower.**

"**Holy cow! Who are you?" Shaggy looks up at driven**

"**I'm drivenbyrevenge MOTHERFUCKERS! And you have reached your final destination!"**

**Shaggy says, "I've seen Final Destination it's a great movie!"**

**Driven face palms her self, "I meant I'm going to kill you!"**

"**Why?" they both get up. Anthony moans in the background.**

"**Because you played with my hotdog!" she tries to say something threatening but it just comes out wrong!**

"**What?! That's disgusting!"**

"**No! That hotdog! You tried to eat him!" she points at Anthony who is examining his leg.**

"**Well…What do you do with hotdogs?"**

"**Well, I--"**

"**STOP!" he interrupts, "Do not answer that!" he looks grossed out.**

"**I was going to say that I don't do anything with hot dogs because they're disgusting!"**

"**Then why do you have a giant one?!" Shaggy yells.**

"**For the last fucking time, he's not really a hot dog!"**

"**Then why is he sooo delicious?!"**

"**Because you like the taste of foam rubber!" she smashes a random empty wine bottle against a random barstool and threatens Shaggy very randomly, "Eat a pie or I'll kill you!" she pushes a random pie at him.**

"**What is that?" He raises his eyebrows at the pie.**

"**It's Fop, BIATCH!" she yells.**

**He shrugs and eats the whole pie in 4.55555555555555555555555555557 seconds flat.**

**She pulls out a wand and says, "Wiggly, wiggly, weer! I make you disappear!" Shaggy does just that.**

"**Well, that takes care of that," she says before noticing that Scooby is still there.**

"**Raggy?! Where'd rou ro?" he whimpers.**

"**AAAAAH! The goddamn dog! He's still here! Shaggy went to Candy Mountain!"**

**Charlie the Unicorn and his two 'friends' appear.**

"**This doesn't look like Candy Mountain, Charlie," says one.**

"**No….Charlie!" says the other.**

"**Because It's not!" she's twitching in anger, "Why don't you go make out with a starfish!"**

"**Yes, this is exactly how I expected Candy Mountain to be!" Charlie is the current Sarcasm King.**

**Driven sits down and rocks back and forth saying, "It's just fiction……you can stop typing whenever you like….NO! It's a dream…yes…it's all one, big, messed up nightmare, dream, thing."**

"You heard me, Nellie, I said it. You can be you again now, I love you." His demonic eyes are still that deep brown that she loves so much.

She's crying, she drops down to the floor and her shadow is cast over the walls from the light of the flickering oven.

"Nellie," he doesn't finish, he can't. He's just done what he'd put off for so long. Admitting his love to her.

"Oh my god…" she's shaking.

He takes her in his cold arms and kisses her forehead. Her skin tingles from his lips. "Why aren't you happy?" he's worried that she doesn't love him, maybe he's made the wrong choice.

"I….oh my god….I never thought you'd say it…" she bites down on her lip.

"I'm sorry," he gets up and picks his razor from the ground.

_What does he mean, he's sorry. For what? Telling me he loves me or that he didn't say it sooner?_

Sweeney walks out and into the pie shop. Will and Toby are sitting at a table.

Sweeney looks over at them as he pulls out a gin bottle, "Will, whatever you do don't convert the boy!"

Will laughs girlishly, "I wouldn't dream of it, Mr. T!"

Mr. Todd sits with them and pours out a glass of gin for himself.

"Well, it's nice to have Mrs. Lovett back isn't it?" Sweeney sips the gin

"Who?" this comes from Will.

"Fack!" Toby says happily.

"WHAT?!" Sweeney puts his eyebrows into WTF mode.

"That's all he can say, Sir! Been like that since about noon."

"Okaaaaaay….." Sweeney is officially weirded out.

"Fack…fack, fack fack!" Toby explains.

Sweeney finishes the gin and walks out, probably to sit in angst in his parlour.

"So, Toby…What's with you having a goat?"

"FACK!" Toby looks insulted.

"Forget it!" Will gets up and goes to his room.

"Fack," Toby mumbles.

Mrs. Lovett is still on her knees in the bakehouse, she's stopped crying but she just can't bring herself to get up.

Eventually she staggers up and goes to her bedroom. She collapses on the blanket thinking of him.

_What's going to happen now? Are we going to get married? Is he just going to continue ignoring me? Maybe he was lying, he is that type but he's just so beautiful…I can't believe I thought I didn't love him. I'm going to talk to him, RIGHT NOW! _

Nellie awakes, how long had she been asleep for? She looks at the clock, eight at night; she's been sleeping for two hours.

She gets up and stands in front of an old mirror; she's still wearing the tattered remains of the dress that she worked so hard to get.

Her eyes look better already, they're brown again and her skin looks white, not grey. Still, she looks bad enough in the dress.

She pulls it off and the petticoat and the corset. She dresses again. In one of her nicer dresses.

It's barely ever been used, it's a burgundy colour with a black satin ribbon tied at the waist and sleeves down almost to her wrists.

She pulls a brush through her curls; they slowly separate from clumps into strands.

She looks back to the mirror. Dark eyes, pronounced cheekbones. She looked nice, not particularly beautiful but still nice. Nellie takes a hair pin and clips up her hair, the usual few unruly strands flick back down. She looks like herself again.

She sprays perfume on herself, Vanilla Musk, and goes upstairs to the parlour.

When she gets to the door. She stands on the stair landing and peers through the glass. The only person in there is Mr. Todd. He's kneeled down at the chair, playing around with wheels and levers. She knocks once and walks in.

"Hello? He looks up and sees red. No, maroon…actually it was burgundy. He stands up and studies her silently. He brushes her over with his eyes. She's beautiful, just as beautiful as Lucy had been; Lucy is dead though, Nellie Lovett is standing right before him.

Without a word he pulls her into him and kisses her.

This time they don't hold back, they both let the other engulf them.

She clings to him, how long had she waited for this moment? Truly, she didn't know. It had come now though and that was all that mattered.

He pulls his mouth from hers and looks around the room, his bed in the corner, yes.

He looks at her for another moment before he kisses her again. She looks different, still like Mrs. Lovett but different somehow.

She kisses him, and with one quick motion, somehow there are sitting on his bed.

Nellie looks at him, this man that she had lusted after for what had felt like an eternity, now willing to give himself up to her…finally.

He rips her dress off, then the corset. She pulls at his clothes and fails, he does it himself and for a split second they lie there on the bed naked, not quite sure what to do.

It's been fifteen years for him, just as long for her. Fifteen years since he's taken that pleasure from someone and given it back to them.

It was always different for her with Albert, forced, mechanical, but now, being with Sweeney…as one…joined, it felt completely natural.

The next morning he wakes, her wrapped around him, both of them still undressed. Her hair had fallen out and now her it lay loose on him.

Her head is on his neck, she's awake. She has been for an hour but she can't move from him.

"I love you," she mumbles into his skin.

He strokes her hair and says, "That perfume…I like it…what's it called?"

She props herself up and gazes at him, "Vanilla Musk,"

They lie back down, not planning to even leave each others arms ever again.

**A/N: "YAHOO! You're done!" Anthony runs around screaming. **

"**Yes Ant, I'm done! Well I'm finished the chapter not the story…DISCLAIM!" driven smiles.**

" **drivenbyrevenge doesn't own Sweeney Todd, Charlie the unicorn, buenanas, pineapples, the Scooby-Doo mystery gang or Vanilla Musk!" Anthony yells with joy of freedom.**

"**I'm gonna miss you," she says.**

"**But you'll put me back with Johanna?"**

"**Yes!" she sighs and pulls out her wand, "Oggy, oggy, ana I put you back with Johanna!" He is gone.**

**A yell is heard from the giant aquarium at the other side of the abandoned warehouse.**

"**I DON'T CARE ABOUT EACH AND EVERY SEA CREATURE YOU SEE!" Charlie is yelling to the other unicorns.**

"**But Charlie, they care about you!" One of them says. A catchy jingle starts up out of nowhere.**

**Driven stands up, "No! No! Stop the music!" the music dies down and she continues, "Dude, seriously, I'm trying to write a fanfic here, a moments quiet, please!"**

**A starfish pops up and looks at Charlie, "I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER!"**

**Driven shoots it.**

"**Nooooooo….the starfish!" says one of the boy/girl unicorns.**

"**Starfiiiiiiiish," the other echoes.**

"**Oh My Johnny Depp! (driven is a devoted deppist) I'm so bloody sick of all these random cartoon things popping up!" driven says to the empty hotdog costume.**

**Suddenly Evil Robina appears wearing a crown of bananas, "BUENANA!" (Evil Robina's my Fan Fiction writing friend!)**

"**AAAAAH! Robina, what do you want?" driven runs her nails down her arms.**

"**Stick a banana in your ear!" she chants.**

"**Stick a pineapple up your ass!" driven screams.**

"**NO! Btw what's with the unicorns?" Robina asks.**

"**I wish I knew," with that driven sits down and reminds herself that it's all a dream.**

**P.S Sorry about the Author's note being longer than the actual content!!**

**R&R PLEASE!**


	19. Chapter 19

The Demon Baber is Alive!

Chapter 19: Once a Pie Hag, Always a Pie Hag

**A/N:**

** Driven is running around trying to catch Scooby, "AAAAAH! I'll kill you!"**

**Scooby jumps over a river that randomly appeared in the warehouse.**

**Driven swims across in 0.46 seconds and screams, "Robina! Get off your banana hammock and do something!"**

**Robina puts down her copy of Nightlight (the twilight parody), "Fine!" she teleports to same side of the river as Scooby and driven. She looks at Scooby-Doo and yells, "Dr. Octagonapus! BLUUEEH!" A laser shoots out of her mouth.**

**Scooby makes to run, but the laser is too overpowering, in a matter of seconds Scooby becomes a vapourised puddle.**

"**I didn't really want to kill him," driven gives Robina an evil stare, "He was gonna be my disclaimer!"**

"**Well now I can be your disclaimer!" Robina throws banana confetti.**

"**Okay well disclaim then," driven dodges falling bananas.**

"**Driven doesn't own France, Buenanas, the Vampire Academy novels, hats with a spring on top….Uuum--"she is interrupted.**

"**No! Disclaim for things in the actual story!" **

"**Why didn't you say so!" she grins, "driven doesn't own Sweeney Todd…even though she luuurrvvs him!"**

"**Thanks….go back to your hammock now," driven sighs.**

"**NO WAY! I'm gonna see if Charlie will let me ride him!" she runs off.**

Will has been bored for the past two days, ever since that Mrs. Lovett woman got back. She seemed nice enough but she was always trailing after his Mr. Todd like a shadow.

He had a plan though, a plan to make Sweeney like him. He would brighten up the parlour.

All day Sweeney had been in the pie shop in a daze, very unlike him, watching Mrs. Lovett make pie after pie.

Will crept up to the parlour with his suitcase. "Okey dokey…let's see what we can do!" He opens the suitcase, all things pink and fluffy and sparkly cover the floor.

One hour later Will skips downstairs, "Ooh! I can't wait until Mr. T. Sees his newly decorated parlour!"

Sweeney is sitting in the pie shop staring intently at Mrs. Lovett.

"What's wrong love? Somethin' the matter?" she looks up from her rolling pin.

He looks down into his gin, "Nothing Nellie, I was just thinking,"

"Thinkin' what?" she walks over and sits down.

"I never apologised for trying to kill you did I?"

"No…I don't think you did," she looks up hopefully. He's barely spoken to her since that wonderful night two days ago.

"I'm sorry," he forces a smile and leans down and kisses her forehead.

"I forgive you," she leans across and puts her arms around him. He puts his hand on top of hers and says nothing. She makes to get up and he pulls her back down. He spins her head to face him and kisses her, properly this time.

For her every time he kisses her is better than the last. Each kiss bringing something different. His lips are like her drug and she is an addicted woman.

Even he finds bliss when she kisses him. She puts her lips to his and drowns out his broken memories. She is his saviour, his angel.

It is noon and Sweeney wishes to polish his razors. Mrs. Lovett reluctantly watches him leave, she gets back to work. Before she can even pick up her rolling pin a loud, angry scream is heard.

She rushes up to the parlour. Sweeney is in the middle of an unrecognisable room screaming. She rushes to him, "Sssh, its okay….what's 'appened 'ere?"

"MY FUCKING PARLOUR IS FUCKING PINK!"

This is an understatement. The tonsorial parlour is transformed and not in a good way. The skylight has a sparkly curtain hanging from it. The dusty floor boards have been varnished and fluffy pink mats are all over them. The box for the razors has disappeared; in its place is a velvet, pink and purple one. A new cushion is sitting on his chair it is, of course, pink. Over Sweeney's small bed in the corner is a bright pink mosquito net. Every where that something could have been added it has been and it's all pink.

"PIE HAG," Sweeney seems to have turned back into his demonic self and calls for Nellie, "FIX THIS NOW!"

"You will not command me to do anything!" she yells at him.

Sweeney puts his arms around her and whispers into her ear, "Nellie…please…remember…I love you,"

She knows what he's doing to her but can't say no. She stands up on the bed and starts taking down the net. Sweeney leaves, not wishing to watch.

He knows who did it and he goes right into their room, "Will!" he yells as he opens the door.

"Yes sir?" Will rushes over.

"My parlour looks somewhat different….do you...uh…have anything to do with that?" he stops himself from pulling out his razor.

"Do you like it?" Will smiles foolishly.

Sweeney falls to the temptation and pulls out his razor, he presses it up to Will's swanlike neck, "NEXT TIME YOU REDECORATE REMEMBER THIS: PINK DOESN'T SUIT MY HAIR STREAK!"

Will is shaking, he pushes the razor away. With a sudden rush of braveness the gay boy leans forward to the man before him and kisses his lips, softly.

Sweeney is trembling in surprise, without a word he turns and leaves.

Will stomps his foot, "Damn! I was hoping we'd end up naked together!"

Sweeney walks into the pie shop almost in tears. Toby tries to ask him what's wrong but instead says, "Fack fack?" Toby runs outside in frustration.

Mr. Todd screams for the second time today, "AAAAAH!" This time Nellie doesn't come running. Sweeney lies on the dirty floor whimpering in fear of what just happened with Will.

It is dark now and Toby has grown tired of talking to Marge. He has noticed that conversations lose all meaning when you are saying the same word constantly and the other just bleats.

He yawns and walks inside. Mrs Lovett places a steaming bowl of soup on the table for him, "There you go, love," she smiles.

Toby sits and starts on the soup. Sweeney has moved from the floor and is now leaning against the workbench, still perfectly silent.

"Fack," Toby gulps down the warm soup.

Mrs. Lovett ignores the boy and turns her attention to Sweeney, "What's happened to make you so unhappy?" she sits on the floor next to him.

He makes a small whimpering noise at her.

She smiles at him and gets up, confused.

Toby licks the last of the soup from his fingers.

Mrs. Lovett wipes down her bench top ready for the evening rush and Sweeney whimpers again.

In silence, the three of them sit until the clock chimes to six o' clock at night.

A family of people walk in to the shop.

The father walks to Mrs. Lovett, "I'll have two beef pies…a chicken pie and a …cheese and bacon pie, thankyou,"

He hands her the money which she proceeds to put down her top.

The family sit down outside and Mrs. Lovett serves them two lawyers, a farmer and a doctor with cheese.

Unknowingly the father, wife and two children become cannibals and devour their own kind within an hour.

"Ale! Please!" The father calls Mrs. Lovett, who is now wearing an apron. She brings a jug of ale and a glass and places it on their table as 12 more people walk in.

She rushes back into the shop and wipes her hands o her apron, "Toby, you'll have to help, but just don't talk to anyone or they'll be surprised from your little speech impediment," she tosses him an apron.

"Fack," he nods and takes a platter of lawyers and grocers to a large group having a meeting.

Sweeney needs to relax, he walks up to his parlour. It has been returned to its former glory, apart from the floorboards, which are still shining happily.

He takes of his denim jacket, vest and gloves and throws them into a corner.

Sweeney walks to his razors, somehow, the hag had managed to find the box and she'd put them all back, it was things like this that made him love her and hate her.

He loved her for going to the trouble but he hated her for touching his precious razors.

He picks one from the others and holds it up; he looks at his silvery reflection. He spins it in his hand and puts it back with its brothers.

He walks to his bed, glad he doesn't have to sleep under a freakishly girly net.

He doesn't intend to sleep, he doesn't take his shoes off and he doesn't pull up the blanket. Sweeney does sleep though, if you could call it sleep…sleep was meant to be restful but this had been torture.

Usually he dreamed of Lucy, it was always the same. The Flower Market. Walking around in the warmth with Lucy and Johanna. He always saw that smile on Lucy, and his little Johanna, her eyes full of wonder gazing at the flower in his hand.

This time he dreamed a different dream. A dark, cold dream. It started fine.

He was with Lucy in his parlour, she was her yellow-haired self but he wasn't Benjamin he was Sweeney. He is standing; his arm around her but then Mrs. Lovett runs in and links her arms around his body. Lucy looks at her strangely, Sweeney makes no effort to move Mrs. Lovett's arms. He can't move at all.

Lucy suddenly transforms to the beggar woman. Screaming deliriously, "Witch! Witch! Wife of Satan!" she's pointing at Nellie, "Home wrecker! Witch!" Panting with stress she directs her attention to Sweeney, "AAAAAH! Traitor! Traitor! Traitor! You said forever! Forever! Forever! Demon! Demon! YOU ARE THE DEVIL INCARNATE!" with that the woman shrinks in a red mist and turns into the picture frame that Sweeney had in his parlour in real life.

Sweeney kneels and picked it up; he places it gently on his dresser.

Nellie gives a sick smile, looking at the picture and kisses Sweeney, "Well that fixes that," she says as she nuzzles her cheek to his chest.

It is over. He wakes. Mr. Todd sits up in bed, almost screaming, his hair is, for once, lying flat, it was thick with sweat. He runs his ungloved hands through it panting, "What the fuck was that?!" he exclaims.

Nellie can't sleep, it's now 2 in the morning and she hasn't closed her eyes at all. She wishes it would happen again. That wonderful night only days ago had been her heaven. Now he wasn't talking at all. She knew it had something to do with Will but she didn't know what. Sweeney, her Sweeney, the one who made her feel love again. She wants him. She just wants to be near him. She gets up; she's wearing a yellow nightgown. Quietly she sneaks up to him.

He is sitting up in his bed. Looking stressed. She walks over and he looks up at her, she just smiles.

He smiles back and lifts the blanket up. She gets under it and wraps herself around him. She falls to sleep quickly, resting on him, but the barber cannot close his dark eyes.

**A/N: driven sighs as she looks around her abandoned warehouse, once quiet and empty now busy and loud. **

**Robina is sailing through the sky on a flying banana boat singing the Banana Boat sunscreen advertisement jingle. **

**The three unicorns are arguing about whether or not Charlie is the Banana King. **

**Driven gets up from her throne, which is shaped like a pineapple but does not have the spikes of one luckily. She inhales deeply and screams, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Birds fly from trees all over the globe and everyone turns to driven. **

"**The British are coming…THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" Robina panics, from up above.**

"**The British are not coming I just want quiet! Robina, sit down and read…or something! Unicorns…Charlie, you are the banana king and you other ones don't steal Charlie's horn and give him back his kidney and his TV, Oh and you know….SHUT UP!!!!"**

'**The gang' all shut up. Robina sits and reads the owners manual to a Playstation 1 and the unicorns go to find the letter Z.**

**P.S: These author notes will be hard to understand if you haven't watched Charlie the Unicorn on YouTube, check it out!!!**

**R&R**

**-driven.**

**I have a challenge for anyone who needs author and story advertisement!**

**The first person to name every character so far will receive: 5 chapter's worth of advertisement. **

**I want reviews with lists of characters + the name of your story that you want me to advertise. My story is usually, always on the front page of its category because of its regular updating, this means it gets a good amount of people reading it…the more people reading my stories…the more reading yours!**

**Please note: Gabrielle West and Nellie Lovett count as one character. **

**The Advertisement for the winner will begin at chapter 20 and go to Chapter 25.**


	20. Chapter 20

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 20: I Love You, Still

**A/N: Anyone ever noticed how in the movie, Anthony's eyebrow always twitches? Well that's the reason for the title. Also, the following about the pigeon really did happen, except we were looking out a window.**

**And now, the winner of my challenge is: SuperSnuffles! **

**Check out her awesome list on my reviews page! I have actually read her stories, so I'm not just writing this because I promised. **

**Her best is definitely: "The Luckiest" It's a Harry Potter Fanfic and come on…who doesn't like Harry Potter! **

**R&R her stories. **

**If her hits don't rise dramatically I will exceed 5 chapters and keep advertising until they do!**

**Driven has finally taken control of everything, well that's what she wants to think. Robina had been walking around for 3 hours complaining about numbness, "Driven, help! My left, buttock cheek has fallen asleep!"**

"**How should I wake it up? My trusty flamethrower or this nice, new chisel?" she laughs at the two weapons in her hands.**

"**Don't you dare! Driven….half my buttock is still sleeping…"**

"**For the first time, It's called an ass….or at the very least, a butt!"**

**Robina continues mumbling under her breath before replying, "Or a bottom or a posterior…or a bum!" she laughs.**

**Driven face palms herself. The pair walk over to driven's inside aviary full of different birds that magically appear there. A flock of about fifteen pigeons are perched in the corner, fourteen are grey and one is brown.**

**Suddenly Biohazrd23 appears. He notices the brown pigeon and points and yells, "OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT?"  
**

**Driven refrains from saying priest, "Hazrd, It's just a brown pigeon,"**

"**There aren't any brown pigeons!" He screams.**

"**Yes, they just aren't as common as the grey ones," she looks at him strangely. **

"**No….They don't exist!"**

"**Hazrd, dude, it's just like seeing a brown dog!" she's worried for his mental health.**

"**More like seeing a blue dog!" He exclaims.**

"**IT'S JUST A BROWN PIGEON!" driven screams through gritted teeth.**

**Hazrd looks at her, "A brown pigeon?" he's shaking. **

"**Yes, it is a pigeon that is brown,"**

**He rolls his eyes at her and skulks away.**

"**Does he have to join 'the gang'?" Robina questions her.**

"**The Gang, as you call it doesn't even exist…that was just a joke!"**

"**Whatever…" She walks off, possibly to eat a banana.**

Sweeney is still disturbed from his dream, it is morning now, he hasn't slept and Nellie has left to do what she does best, pie making and baking! He understands the dream, but he doesn't want to. He wants to love Nellie and forget of his Lucy he wants to let go, but he's not the only thing holding on. He knows that somehow Lucy refuses to let Nellie into his heart.

But he isn't sad anymore, he wants to work, for months he has not killed a soul, the last person's rubies he made drip were his own and he has been feeling bloodthirsty but first he wishes to see pie hag.

He storms down into her kitchen where she is taking a break sipping a cup of coffee at one of the tables.

He walks over, "You, what are you doing? We have a shop and if you haven't noticed we've barely got £20.

"You ain't gettin' me any supplies," she sips the coffee again.

"Pie Hag!"

"Oh, is that the best you can do? She stands up still gripping the coffee.

"I didn't want to offend you, your highness!" he yells.

"Your Highness!? Oh, yes! I love skinning and gutting your victims, it's a luxury watching my old friends eat my other old friends!" Her voice is shaking and she throws her coffee cup at him, just missing his ear. He reaches behind him and picks up the old tea kettle, he glances at it then back to her. She holds up a fist, "Don't you da--" She is interrupted by a flying kettle which she dodges.

"I'll dare to do anything," he snorts.

"You're just a baby! Always blooding carryin' on like everything bad in the world's happened to you. You lost your little, ditzy blonde wife and now your daughter's run off on you, too, and no wonder!" she laughs.

He's had it now; he rushes out the door, grabbing a £5 note. He walks up the street. She sits back down, she can't cry, the tears refuse to fall. But her soul inside her cries, screaming out _I'm Sorry! Come Back! _And finally, _I love you, still._

It's early, around 2 a.m. Nellie has waited up all-night but he's not back…she is angry now running around the house screeching, somehow Toby and Will are still asleep.

"Aargh! That bloody man! His flamin' bloody attitude! I'm doin' somethin' about it. NOW!"

She races up to the parlour and finds his box of precious razors. Making sure there all in there, she glances around…she decides to hide them where he'd never think to look, underneath the floorboards again.

She walks over to the secret board and lifts it up. Sniggering, she places the box in the hole and puts the board back down. Finally satisfied, she leaves and goes to sleep.

It is 3 a.m and Sweeney is walking home along the dark, foreboding Fleet Street. He's been at the local tavern. He's not drunk, after years as a convict he learnt how to handle alcohol well. Of course he wasn't there all night. For the last 4 hours he was been sitting in Hyde Park looking up at the stars, Glued eternally to the inky, smog-ridden sky.

He turns at 186 and quickly scales the stairs to his parlour, his sanctuary. He closes the door behind himself and sheds his leather jacket. He walks to his bed in the corner and lies down. Without one thought entering his mind, he falls into a dark sleep.

The next morning he wakes, some people wake up confused and weary, Sweeney wakes up blank. No emotions, no thoughts.

Sighing he gets up, even making the effort to change his clothes. He glances down at the white shirt he just took off; saddened by its cleanness…no blood stains. Sweeney wants to work.

He walks over to the dresser where he puts his razors. They're not there. He searches every drawer, every spare space, with no findings.

He runs down stairs and finds Mrs. Lovett resting by the fire. "Hag," he points at her, "Where are they?"

"Where is what, love?" she frowns up at him, laughing in her mind at his anxious face.

"My razors!" he breathes.

"Oh…them ol' things…up the parlour ain't they?"

"No…actually that's why I'm asking," He runs his hand through his white streak.

"Well, I'm sure they're fine," she turns around to go back to sleep.

"Fine! I'll find something else to use," Curious, Nellie rises and follows him out the pie shop.

He searches through her kitchen draws, finding a small, thin knife. "This will do!" he climbs up onto one of the chairs and says, "You may have taken my razors but I can still work! I'll use this old thing!"

He brandishes the knife and, forgetting it isn't an easy-close cutthroat razor, goes to flick it shut.

Instead the knife just flips in his grip and makes a small gash along his finger, "AAAAAH! Pie Hag, Help!" He starts crying. Nellie sighs and gets him down. A grand total of five drops of blood have leaked from the wound. Nellie decides to humour him.

She sits him down in an old recliner. She rushes to the laundry and grabs several Blankets.

She wraps them around his trembling shoulders and gives him a warm cup of tea. Only then does she allow her self to laugh.

"What's so funny, hag? I may be dead soon and you're laughing! Fetch some bandages!"

She laughs again and returns in a few moments with bandages which she wraps around his arm and hand.

SCENE CHANGE TO THE BOUNTIFUL!!!!

Anthony is suddenly back on his ship.

He runs around screaming for Johanna. He asks around the crew, eventually coming to the conclusion that Johanna hasn't been seen since he went missing, an experience he doesn't wish to talk about.

Johanna knows that Anthony has returned but she has no way to get to him. She's trapped in a bowl with a book over the top with another frog. It's around eight at night when her chance comes.

Tired and drunk, the sailor moves the book, to read it.

In a flash she makes use of her oversized legs and hops out to the deck. Her fiancé is standing around looking worried.

She leaps up onto his shoulder.

He squirms and squeals, "AAH!! A frog!" Quickly Johanna leans forward and, using her smooth, green 'lips', kisses Anthony's cheek.

Johanna feels her legs lose grip as she tumbles from his shoulder, within seconds she is almost his height, she is herself again. "Oh my, Hello Anthony," She hugs him.

Bewildered, he stands there and lets her wrap her thin arms around him.

**A/N: driven is painting a giant Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter Mural on one of the walls when Robina flies down, with wings like one of the flock of Maximum Ride. "Driven, I'm out of buenanas," she says.**

"**So?"**

"**So…we need more!" she yells.**

"**Fine, we'll go to the shop," driven picks up her wallet and makes for the door.**

"**You aren't leaving me here alone!" Charlie runs forward.**

**The other unicorns giggle in unison, "Ooooh! An Adventure, an adventure in the great wide world!" They follow driven and Robina and Charlie outside. And so, Drivenbyrevenge, Evil Robina, Charlie and the pink and purple unicorns all walk single file, to the supermarket. **

**At the supermarket driven buys 50kg of buenanas and 50kg of Pineaplllezz. They don't need to pay as Robina and driven are buenanananana and pineapllle royalty. Within 3. seconds they are back in the 'not so abandoned warehouse'. **

**Robina is about to take her buenananananas to her banana hammock when driven says, "Stop! Disclaim my fanfic first, Robina!"**

"**Drivenbyrevenge does not own Sweeney Todd or Buenanas, but she does own Pineaplllezz, she doesn't own Maximum Ride, Mrs Lovett's Coffee cup, Sweeney's leather jacket or brown pigeons either!"**

"**Thanks, Robina," driven picks up her paint brush and continues on her Johnny and Helena mural. **


	21. Chapter 21

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 21: The Mysterious Case of Anthony's Twitching Eyebrow

**A/N: Apologies for any confusion in my last A/N….the title: I love you, still. Has nothing to do with Anthony's eyebrow…I originally had this chapter's name as the name of the last one, but I changed it at the last minute when I realised the chapter didn't even touch on his eyebrow…I promise that we will take a very close look at Anthony Hope's eyebrow in this chapter!!**

**Driven is standing up on a cherry picker with a paintbrush, carefully doing Johnny Depp's soulful, chocolate eyes. **

**She's humming Epiphany to herself when Robina flies up to her with a package, "Driven, It came!" **

**Driven struggles to take her eyes of Johnny Depp and replies, "What came?"**

"**Your wings!" Robina opens the box and pulls out a pair of Maximum Ride wings, she somehow, possibly using buenananana magic, attaches them to driven's back, "How do they feel?!" she laughs.**

**Driven swoops up and from the top of the roof yells, "Fantastic, I could kick any eraser's ass with these!"**

**Robina flies up to join her, "Do you reckon we should get some done for the unicorns?"**

"**Maybe Charlie but the others are bad enough, even without wings!" she flies back to the cherry picker.**

"**As you wish," Robina shoots down to the floor and hits the bottomless pool with a splash.**

Johanna and Anthony are lounging on the deck of the bountiful on extremely modern lounges,  
Anthony is wearing board shorts and Johanna is wearing a purple bikini, surprisingly they have had no strange looks from the rest of the crew.

"Anthony?" Johanna yawns up at the sunny sky lazily. I know this story is usually gloomy but the characters deserve a break from all the Sweeney related angst don't they?

He pushes expensive sunglasses up onto his head and says, "Yes Johanna?"

"I…I never thought I'd say this but I…I want to go…home," She replies. Well, the sunlight can't last forever can it?!

"But, where will you live?" He can't help but remember Johanna continuously refusing to live in his house.

"Well, I thought, I could go stay with Nellie and Father at first, then maybe...I might come to live with you….after we have our wedding..." she takes his hand.

"You mean that we can finally start planning it?!" He squeezes the life from her delicate hand.

"Yes and I thought, Well you know how Mrs. Lovett's happiness always seems forced, well it does to me, anyway…" she thinks back to months of Nellie forcing a smile and somehow continuing with her ridiculous job.

"Yes, Johanna," Anthony knows that Nellie loves Mr. Todd, sometimes he finds himself wondering if Mr. Todd knows.

"Well I would like to have her as my maid of honour; I don't know many people and Nellie has always been so kind to me, like a mother really! I thought it might cheer her, perhaps. Father could be your best man if you liked," she smiles, "We could pair them up as a couple, just for the purpose of the wedding, you know, we wouldn't mean anything by it," She grins at her plan.

"Yes, I'm sure that she would find it very exciting," Anthony smiles knowingly out at the ocean. If there is anything Nellie wants, it is to have Sweeney to herself.

Johanna rises from her lounge and goes to stand over her fiancé, "Just how, when this ship is bound for India, shall we get back to London?"

Anthony ponders this for a moment and then says, "Jetpacks,"

"Oh, of course in the 1800s, why didn't I think of that?!" she says with a hint of sarcasm.

"I haven't the slightest clue," He stands up with her and they both clap their hands, not once, not twice but thrice! A very classy looking butler appears, "Yes, oh great ones?" he bows.

"We would like two jet packs please," Johanna smiles, "and a map."

"Of course," the man rushes off like he always carries out ridiculous orders like this. A few minutes later he is back carrying two shiny, silver jetpacks. He gives them one each and hands Anthony the map. He runs away without another word.

"Alright, are we ready?" Anthony puts on his jet pack as Johanna does the same.

Johanna thinks back to the other frog and wonders if she should free it, she decides not to. Doing up the last strap she says, "We are going home,"

SCENE CHANGE TO 186 FLEET STREET!!!!

Sweeney is rocking back and forth, watching the midday sun through a grimy window, nursing his slightly injured hand, sitting on a lounge in the sitting room, a cold, untouched cup of tea is in front of him and pie hag is in the bakehouse putting another three dozen pies into the oven.

He has had a lot of time to think of late, he knows his hand is probably fine but he doesn't want to risk infection from the pie hag's old blades.

He misses his Lucy, it seems that he misses her more than ever lately, ever since that dream. He misses Nellie, not Mrs Lovett the pie hag, they are two different people. Mrs Lovett aka pie hag is a woman he cares nothing for and knows nothing of, a mere fleck on his life.

Nellie is the one that he loves. He cares for her. He wants to know everything about her past and be a part of her future, he needs her with him and he longs for her in the dark.

He longs to have Nellie back, not Mrs Lovett. Nellie seems to have disappeared. Why, he does not know…all he knows is that Mrs Lovett does not care for him much at all, a vague appreciation, nothing like the feelings that Nellie has for him, and the ones he has for her.

It has been an hour or so and Johanna and Anthony can see the thick, black smoke rising from the chimney of 186 Fleet Street.

They dive through the cloud and land, masterfully, in front of the pie shop. They take off the jet packs and suddenly they are wearing normal clothes again.

Anthony is wearing long pants and a sweater under a navy trench coat and Johanna is in a mauve dress and violet cloak due to the cool Autumn winds. They walk inside.

Mrs. Lovett, who has returned to the shop, rushes to the door and, without a word pulls Johanna into a tight hug. Johanna hugs her back and, after squirming away, smiles and says, "Oh, Nellie, I've missed you so! Where is father?"

Mrs. Lovett thinks about Sweeney's 'injured' hand and chokes laughing, "He's in the sittin' room, love."

Anthony nods his head at Nellie, "Hello ma'am,"

"Hello, love, how have you been?" she watches as Johanna rushes off to see Mr. Todd.

"You know…I really don't care to say," he shivers.

"Why is that love?" Nellie raises an eyebrow.

Anthony looks around and sneaks close to the baker and whispers, "I….I was kidnapped."

Mrs. Lovett almost chokes with laughter again before realising that he is serious, then all she can manage is a simple, "Oh, alright, love." Anthony sees Toby with a goat outside and runs over to see him.

Johanna opens the door and hears her father yell at her, "You! Close that door, the light will get in!"

She walks over to her father and says, "Hello, daddy, I'm home,"

"Come closer, my child," He beckons with his good hand, "I don't have much time left," Johanna sighs and leans down.

"What is it father?" she tries not to laugh.

"My arm…..it has been severed…I shall soon pass on…from loss of blood," he suddenly realises how ridiculous he sounds but continues raving on, "I don't want you to miss me…..Pie Hag….she will take care of you….and Toby and Will,"

"Who's Will?" she lets go of his hand.

"My apprentice…who, come to think about it, I haven't seen in days! Now leave…I wish to spend my last few moments in peace!"

Johanna suppresses a giggle and walks out. Sweeney watches her go and thinks of how ridiculous he's acting.

Anthony is outside singing 'if you're happy and you know it clap your hands' because he is so pleased to be back in London.

He sees Johanna and grabs her and yells, "If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it clap your hands!!!!" He squeals.

Johanna laughs at his facial movements and calls for Toby and Nellie, "Mrs. Lovett, Toby! Come quickly!"

Anthony stops singing as they run over. Johanna looks at the boy and the baker and smiles, "Look at his eyebrow when he sings…it twitches!"

"Sing, love," The baker nods.

Straightaway, Anthony takes a deep breath and, in a rather feminine voice, begins singing, "Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird…..HOW IS IT YOU SINNNGG???!!!!"

Johanna stamps her foot, "Hey that's MY SONG!"

Anthony ignores her, "How can you jubilate sitting in cages…never taking WIINNNGGGG??!!! Outside the sky waits, BECKONING! BECKONING, just beyond the BARS! How can you remain…staring at the rain…MADDENED BY THE STAAAAARRSS??!!!! How is it you sing, anything…how is it you SINNNGG???!!"

"Oh, my lord…It does too!" Mrs. Lovett laughs.

"Wow!" Toby giggles, "Anthony your eyebrow is possessed!"

"It is not!" Anthony strokes the accused eyebrow.

"It does twitch like the devil don't it!?" Mrs. Lovett is still laughing.

Toby falls to the ground, giggling and Johanna even snorts.

Anthony runs off somewhere with his hand over his eyebrow.

Toby, Johanna and Mrs. Lovett stop laughing and Toby looks at Johanna and hugs her, "I missed you, Jo! Come and meet Marge!

Johanna is pulled over to greet a nanny goat.

SCENE CHANGE TO INSIDE THE SHOP!!!!

Mrs. Lovett is ruling up a serious of tests on how top find out whether or not Anthony's eyebrow is possessed. She finishes and, leaving it on the table, goes to check on Mr. Todd.

"Hello, love," she says. He wants to cry when he hears the limited amount of emotion in her voice so he decides to continue complaining, "Hag! My tea is cold….MAKE IT AGAIN!" He sneers.

"Oh…you great, lazy thing, sometimes I wonder why I love you …." She whispers to herself as she picks up the cup, "Anythin' else, love?"

He wants to stand up and hold her slim body and press her to himself and whisper, 'I love you', to her, "Nothing else," she turns and leaves and now he knows how she felt for all the time that he did not notice her.

SCENE CHANGE TO OUTSIDE THE SHOP!!!!! (I'm really dragging this chap out aren't I?!!)

Johanna has been telling Toby about how she was a frog…he believes her.

"What's her name again?" Johanna pats Marge.

"Marge, 'er name is Marge, Jo," He smiles up at Johanna. He is very fond of the yellow haired girl and thinks of her as his sister.

"How pretty," She hugs both the goat and the boy to herself, _Isn't it great to be back in Fleet Street?! I didn't realise how much I missed it!_ Johanna, pale, fragile, frightened, once a prisoner, is now happy.

Truly Happy and all it took was a teenager and his goat.

Mrs. Lovett walks outside and calls for every one to come in, Johanna and Toby walk inside and Toby notices that Will is there too, even though he hasn't been out of his room in days. "What are you doin' Will?" Toby asks.

Will grins, "When Mrs. Lovett said we were examining a young man's face…I…like…TOTALLY couldn't REFUSE!"

Toby and Johanna shrug, with Johanna waving a quick, 'hello' to Will who blew a friendly kiss back, as is the style.

Mrs. Lovett walks over to Sweeney and leans down to him in his chair, "I'll tell you where your razors are if you stop makin' a fuss and come join us in an experiment," she bargains.

"Tell me first, hag," he whispers, pulling her closer by the lace around her sleeves.

"Where they were when I first gave 'em to you, you idiot," she laughs at him and rethinks as she goes to get up. Instead she kisses him. With no emotion or love, she just felt like telling him she still cared but really she wasn't sure if she did.

He moves his head, to kiss her back but she has already moved and is back with the others. He bite his lip and gets up and goes into the shop and sits down.

Nellie hands out sheets to every one, "These are all tests to see if Anthony's eyebrow is possessed,"

Sweeney takes the equipment, _possessed eyebrow? _"Am I missing something here?" he asks her.

Mrs. Nellie Lovett is oblivious to non-literal questions, "Pen, paper…no…you have everything!"

Sweeney sighs and reads the paper.

After a few minutes Nellie pulls Anthony to the front and says, "Alright, if you see the criteria next to test one put a tick next to it….Okay. Test one, Anthony, I will read it out, you have to repeat after me…but you have to sing...not speak,"

Anthony nods.

Mrs. Lovett reads out the line, "You would not believe your eyes…if ten million kangaroos came out of you closet and ate your food, Anthony,"

He sings, somehow managing to sound like a bad version of Owl City, "YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES…IF TEN MILLION KANGAROOS…CAME OUT OF YOU CLOSET AND ATE YOUR FOOOOD!"

"Alright, that was the test for twitch counts. Write how many twitches you saw,"

Anthony takes a breath and watches pens move.

"Next song, ready Anthony?" Mrs. Lovett pulls out another piece of paper.

"Yes, ma'am,"

"Repeat: Mama, we all go to Hell, Mama we all go to Hell, It's really quite pleasant except for the smell…mama we all go to Hell…scream it out please Anthony," She says My Chemical Romance's 'MAMA'

This time Anthony sounds like a drunk, Gerard Way, "MAMA WE ALL GO TO HELL! MAMA WE ALL GO TO HELL…IT'S REALLY QUITE PLEASANT…EXCEPT FOR THE SMELL…MAMA WE ALL GO TO HEEELLLLLL!!!!!!"

"Okay that one was the demonic, heavy breathy test, if you saw traces of those put a tick,"

The test continues through the day and by seven at night Anthony had sung songs by everyone from Lady Ga Ga to The Beatles.

Tired, Anthony sits and watches as the sheets are passed to Nellie.

She folds them and somehow manages to fit them all into her bra. (That's the magic of Tim Burton films!)

Toby yawns and says, "G'night, everyone," and stumbles up to his room.

Will gives them all a nod and says, "Well, one needs one's beauty sleep," and tiptoes off to his room.

Mrs. Lovett smiles at Johanna and Anthony, "I'll let you know 'bout the eyebrow but for now…I'll leave you to it," She rubs her eyes and walks outside and up to the parlour.

Mr. Todd isn't going to let her just walk into HIS parlour so, still nursing his hand, he rushes up after her.

"That, Will, he's using my room, there's lounges in the other room, we could sleep on one of those..." Johanna smiles up at Anthony and his eyebrow.

"Alright…but we must begin wedding plans soon," They stand and walk into the sitting room and are asleep within moments on a lounge in each others arms. (Ah…young love…how sweet it is! MAKES ME SICK!!!)

**A/N: Driven is finally finished her Johnny and Helena mural, she's flying around with Robina. She yells over to her, "Robina, disclaim this chapter please!"**

**Robina hovers in the air and an echo bounces over the walls as she yells, "driven does not own: Sweeney Todd, Anthony's eyebrow, jetpacks, Tim Burton Films, My Chemical Romance's 'MAMA', The parody version of 'Fireflies' by Owl City, Lady Gaga or The Beatles!" She swoops down and, expertly lands on the pink unicorn's back.**

**Driven follows and lands on the purple one, before realizing she is facing backwards, she turns around and both her and Robina scream, "Onward, to the temple of the Buenananana King!" **

**They gallop off into the sunset, yes there was a horizon and sky and sun in driven's warehouse, after all she's drivenbyrevenge, she can do anything.**

**(Please remember that driven's warehouse is inside a giant volcano, (the size of an island), and it also has underground tunnels, so there is a lot of space!) **

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!! : D**

**P.S: I'm doing a songfic for the next Chapter that reflects Sweeney and Nellie's mixed up feelings!**


	22. Chapter 22

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 22: Killing Loneliness, With You

**A/N: This is still part of my fanfic…I just feel like doing a Songfic chapter, this is to H.I.M's Killing Loneliness. **

**If you haven't heard it I suggest you listen to it...after all, what's the internet for?! **

**It's based on the feelings that the Sweeney and Nellie have in my fanfic. **

**Enjoy! Please don't judge me!!! (Italics are the verses).**

_Memories, sharp as daggers  
_

_Pierce into the flesh of today  
_

_Suicide of love took away all that matters  
_

_And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart:_

Her face, set like stone in his mind, Lucy.

His life now…he's trying his best, but it's not good enough he knows she's gone but, somehow, she's clinging to him, more than he ever did to her.

If he hadn't loved her, it wouldn't be this way; there would be no revenge, no Sweeney Todd and no undeniable anguish and angst.

He finds it hard to recall why he is this way….he wants to forget.

**  
**_With the venomous kiss you gave me  
_

_I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)  
_

_With the warmth of your arms you saved me,  
_

_Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you  
_

_I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb  
_

_I'm killing loneliness:_

Nellie Lovett, she doesn't know what thoughts and memories linger and float in the abyss of his mind.

What's this? The formula for her heartbreak: His lips, pressed to hers, close, like death, so close, because he is the one killing her.

She knows it means nothing to him…but it makes her come alive, before condemning her to Hell all over again.

_Nailed to the cross, together  
_

_As solitude begs us to stay  
_

_Disappear in the night, forever  
_

_And denounce the power of death over our souls and secret words are sent to start a war:_

The three of them are bound: Lucy to Sweeney, Nellie to Sweeney, Sweeney to both.

He wants to pull away from his past and give himself to her, Nellie, but he's being dragged down.

If he could capture the feeling she gives him then he wouldn't care but he needs her…maybe more than she needs him.

Death….how simple it would be…stuck in suspended animation…anything would be better than this.

The raging battle in which it seems he must choose between the devilish woman he loves and the wife he murdered. **  
**

__

With the venomous kiss you gave me  


_I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)  
_

_With the warmth of your arms you saved me,  
_

_I'm killing loneliness with you  
_

_I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb  
_

_I'm killing loneliness:_

Her love for him will make her death but each time she thinks that she doesn't care he's there again, taking her in his arms and saving her soul until next time, she's going to Hell, she doesn't care as long as he will take here there.

_  
Killing loneliness  
_

_With the venomous kiss you gave me  
_

_I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)  
_

_With the warmth of your arms you saved me_

Sweeney and Nellie, they want it to be love, but they can't define emotion so they're just killing loneliness with each other, killing loneliness.

**A/N: I know….it's not very good but ….it's a hard song to work with…Review please! :-D**

**Chapters will continue as normal from chap23!**


	23. Chapter 23

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 23: Slipping on Icy Streets 

**A/N: Apologies to Super Snuffles I didn't advertise for her story in chap 21 and 22 so now I will advertise to chapter 30 to make up for it…SORRY :D**

**I'm writing a new Sweeney story, it's the movie from Mrs. Mooney's perspective…but this is still my main fanfic so don't worry.**

**Driven has noticed that one of her friends has become a fanfic member under the name: Lightning McQueen, so she decides to kidnap her. **

**Lightning is sitting in her room, staring up at her hundreds of Short Stack pictures, (the band, not the pancakes!) When she hears a U.F.O, Lightning lives across the road from driven's house (not the one in the volcano, her normal one) so she hears random things like this often and thinks nothing of it. **

**Two seconds later and two Pineaplllezz are in her room dragging her out to, not a U.F.O but an albatross! **

**Yes, a giant albatross, that sounds like a U.F.O.**

**Lightning doesn't remember the trip to the warehouse…but the next thing she knows she is strapped to an atomic pineapllle….just kidding, she's unconscious and Robina is sticking bananas in her ears to wake her up. **

"**AAAAAH! What the Hell….Where am I?" she screams. **

"**Do not fear….'tis only, I, the humble Pineapllle queen!" driven flutters up above.**

**Robina yells out, "And me...LADY BUENANANANA!!!**

"**I am going to transport you to my fanfic story using pineapllle magic!" driven swoops down and picks up Lightning, "Yes, I shall put you in my story," she repeats.**

"**What the fack is that?" Lightning sees driven's flamethrower protruding from her spiky, yellow, utility belt.**

**Robina flies up and joins them, "Oh, that's just her flamethrower…she has a complete fetish for it!"**

"**I do facking not!" driven glances to the flamethrower, who is named Pyro, and sticks her tongue out at Robina. **

"**Sure…you don't," Robina flies down to help the unicorns with their snowman.**

**Driven is getting fed up so she does what no-one has never one before, presses the red button!**

**A blinding flash engulfs the room and Lightning feels her self tumbling, into another dimension. **

Anthony is sitting outside the shop with a mirror held up to his eyebrow. Suddenly something tumbles down; it is a little girl, around thirteen. Tall and skinny.

"AAAAAH, an alien!" Anthony runs off to Johanna for protection and Toby steps forward.

Lightning, who thinks Toby is very good looking runs forward and screams to him , "OH WOW…YOU ARE HOT!!!!"

Toby backs off, "No….I feel fine," he's checking for flames on him, "I'm actually quite cold because its winter here," he kicks up a bit off freshly fallen snow.

"No...I mean you're cute!" She prances off into the shop.

Mrs. Lovett rushes forward and sees her, "Oh, you poor thing, it's cold as the arctic out there, you'll catch your death of a cold!"

She pulls her into her bedroom and starts going through the wardrobe, "No…that's to big…..definitely not," She throws dresses in all directions until pulling out a small, blue one, "Ere you go, love, I only wore this one once when I was young." It is a lovely dress made with all different shades of blue and embellished with black and white lace sleeves from elbow to wrist.

Lightning looks down, "What's wrong with this," she nods at her Short Stack shirt and black jeans.

"Nothin' love…it's just not very lady like, what's your name, love?"

She looks up at Nellie, "Lightning McQueen," there's no way she's telling them her real name so she uses her fanfic one.

"Well, I suppose we'll call you Queenie, How is that?" she hands her the dress.

"Fine, ma'am," Lightning says.

"Now, tell me, love, how did you get 'ere?"

"Well….it was an albatross and then driven transported me here," she looks puzzled.

"Who is driven?" Nellie ushers the girl into the sitting room and they sit by the fire.

"Driven….she's the one who writes this…this is her legacy, her creation, she can fly too!" Lightning explains.

"Oh, of course she can, love," Mrs. Lovett thinks she's mad and says, "Would you lie to live 'ere until this, driven, person takes you back?"

"Would I have to do anything?" she is hoping that maybe she'll, be asked to help Toby with something, anything.

"Well, you'd 'ave to 'elp me serve them pies…not that we've been getting' much business thanks to Mr. T," she nods up at the parlour.

"Mr. T? Like the one in the Snickers ad?" she asks.

"What? No matter….there is a very small room round the back, it's only got a little bed but it's the only room left, you can stay in there, love," Mrs. Lovett points over at the door and pushes her through it,.

SCENE CHANGE TO PARLOUR!!!!

For the last few days Sweeney has been searching for his razors, Pie Hag said that they were where they were when she gave them to him, but at the time his mind had been so attached to Lucy that he didn't notice her take the box out until he saw the silver glint.

All he knows is that they're in the parlour. He checks his desk, for the fiftieth time and says, "My Friends," he sings to himself, "I will get you back….my silver friends…..my only true…friends…I will find you, You gained my revenge and I need you….You are the only things in my life that are true… my shiny, silver friends….I promised you rubies…and I let you drip them…..my shiny, silver friends," He drops down into the chair and gives in, glancing out the skylight from time to time to watch to white, sparkles fall from the sky, snow.

_Fucking pie hag, she would take the one thing that I have left in this fucking sad excuse for a life that she makes me fucking live!_

He wants them back, badly, he needs to vent his anger and if he cannot work with his razors he can't do anything.

He runs hand through his streak and sighs.

SCENE CHANGE TO OUTSIDE THE SHOP!!!!

Toby is lying in the snow watching flakes fall over him as he makes a snow angel.

Marge is sitting next to Johanna, who is making a snow castle. Johanna pats down the last wall and starts collecting twigs to lie across the top.

"What are you doin' Jo?" Toby looks up at her.

"I'm making an ice house, Toby, I'm putting sticks over the top and then I'm covering them with a snow roof."

"Who's gonna live in it?" He stands up and looks inside the small doorway

"I…I'm not sure I never thought of it like that," She starts spreading snow over the sticks.

"I could!" he smiles.

"I think that Mrs. Lovett would rather you lived inside, Toby," She laughs.

"You and Anthony are always arguein' 'bout houses, you two could use it," he jokes.

"I think it might melt on us, sweetheart," She stands back and admires it.

The two of them watch as Marge steps forward and trots into the house and sits down.

"Hahaha…problem solved, Jo!" They both walk inside and see Anthony sitting in the shop.

Toby sits down at his usual table and picks up his gin bottle and starts drinking.

"Johanna, have you seen the girl yet?" Anthony asks.

Johanna looks confused and Toby says, "I 'ave, she said I was cute!"

They ignore him.

"What girl, Anthony?" Johanna asks.

"She looks about Toby's age, she fell out of the sky!"

"Really?" Johanna is sure that she misheard him.

"Yes, truly, now let's not confuse ourselves too much," he takes Toby's bottle and swallows some down.

Mrs. Lovett walks into the shop and says, "I don't want any of you teasin' Queenie, she is gonna be my helper, here, poor little thing, ah well," she takes the gin bottle, "No more, Toby, you need to 'elp Queenie in a bit."

"Help 'er do what?" he looks over forlornly at the gin bottle.

"I'm sendin' you both to the markets to buy me some seasoning and other things like that,"

She leaves to go get Queenie.

Queenie has changed into the blue dress and is looking at herself in the mirror, she has dark eyes, tanned skin and black hair. She does not belong here. She shrugs off her thoughts and hears a knock, she opens the door and sees, that woman, Mrs. Lovett.

"Queenie, this list has everythin' you need, Toby will 'elp you," she pushes the list into her hand.

"Help me with what?" she reads the list, _Coriander, 5 pounds of flour, one reel of black lace, one reel of burgundy cotton, one large bag of mushrooms, two small bags of Mrs. McGregor's fudge, a pint of cream, black boot ribbons and a new scrubbing board._

"You're both goin' to the markets to buy what's on that list. Toby has to go because he knows 'is way around London and you can read," She smiles, "TOBY!"

"Comin', ma'am," He rushes in.

"Go down to the markets and buy what's on the list, here's the money, but don't pay a dime over 4 pounds for the scrubbing board,"

"Yes, ma'am," they both say and walk out.

As they walk down the icy, slippery street Toby keeps stealing glances at the pretty girl.

"Why are you looking at me, Toby?" She asks.

"I was wonderin' how you got that funny colour skin,"

"This is normal….it's just a bit more tanned than yours," She wants to punch him.

"Oh…"He looks embarrassed.

"It's fine…why do you live with Mrs. Lovett?" She wants to make conversation but she has read driven's story and already knows the answer.

"When Pirelli got me from the workhouse I worked as his 'elper, I did, but when he left me in the pie shop, he never returned, so Mrs. Lovett, well, she sort of adopted me and now I 'elp her best I can, servin' pies and scrubbin' tables and cleanin' around the house,

"Why do you talk like that?"

"Like what?"

"Well you don't use an 'h' sound and you cut of the 'ing' and replace it with a 'in'," she explains.

"Sorry, Miss Queenie, this is 'ow I've always talked," he smiles.

She doesn't mind his way of speech because she can't deny that even though he acts and is treated like an eight year old, he is indeed a young man, the same age as her and actually, when she thought about it, pretty good looking.

A horse and cart trots down the road and she watches curiously and slips over the ice, just as she expects to bounce off the ice she is caught.

Toby grips his hands around her waist and pulls her up, "Miss Queenie, are you alright?"

"Fine, I'm fine," she doesn't attempt to move his hands, she just smiles and looks at him.

He turns red and moves his hands, as he puts them back to his sides he notices the dirt, permanently stained on them and checks her dress for marks.

"What are you doing?" she notices him looking from his hand to her waist and back again.

"I thought I might have made your skirt all dirty, Miss Queenie," He turns red again.

"Well, you didn't so let's keep walking," She too is red.

They reach the markets and Toby shows her to a tailor's stand where they purchase the ribbon, the lace and the thread.

She glances around, amazed at the crowded square, "Where to now, Toby?" she asks vaguely.

"Over there, miss, that there is the wagon belongin' to Mr. Dennings he's a farmer and he sells lots of 'is crop 'ere," They walk over to the wagon that is blooming with fresh greenery and other wonderful looking fruit and vegetables. Queenie realises how hungry she is.

"I'd like a big bag of them mushrooms, sir, and an apple please," Toby hands over a few coins that Queenie doesn't recognise.

"That apple isn't on the list," She says as Toby is handed the mushrooms and apple.

"It's for you, miss," he gives it to her.

She doesn't thank him; she just bites through the crimson skin and into the snowy flesh, letting the juices run down her chin as she eats it.

"Wait on, miss, I see Mrs. Macintosh, I want to talk to her," he rushes over.

Queenie finishes the apple and follows him.

"'ello miss how is business?" Toby smiles.

The woman looks up from her newspaper and glances at them from over a wagon of less than twenty pears, "Well, if it isn't little Toby, well, love I'm afraid to say that business has been more than bad…Mr. Hope left London and didn't tell me…all I 'ave left is the pears that I bought from him before that and now I'm runnin' out…I have limited money and my daughter, Madelyn, is very sick," The woman regrets burdening the boy with her story but can't stop a few stray tears escaping her eyes.

"Anthony is back, ma'am, he's been stayin' with us for the past week or so…but he should return home soon, I'll tell 'im I saw you," He smiles and hands her a pound note.

Her eyes light up at the sight and she gives a nod of thanks as they walk away.

"Who was that?" Queenie asks as they wander around.

"Penny Macintosh, Anthony supplies 'er with pears, that she sells 'ere," He pulls Queenie over to a small stall with a banner reading: Mrs. McGregor's Fudge, he picks up to bags of it and pays a small, tubby woman.

"Now…we need flour, coriander, cream and that scrubbing board," she looks at the list.

"Over 'ere, now," He pulls her to another stand, this one has food and herbs.

Without asking she picks up a bundle of coriander, a big bag of flour and a glass bottle of cream.

Toby hands her the money and she pays for the items.

They walk around the markets for a while, stopping at different stalls to look at things.

Queenie is standing at a jewellery stall looking at glass beads. "These are very nice….I like this blue one." She holds up a bracelet beaded with glassy blue beads that shimmer and catch onto the sunlight, "I'd love to have it," she pleads.

"We 'aven't got much money left and we still 'aven't got the scrubbin' board, let's go get it." He counts four pounds.

Silently, she follows and they find themselves examining different scrubbing boards, being watched by a slimy looking man, the merchant.

"This one, please," Toby taps the man and points to a nice, new wooden board.

"That's 5 pound, little boy…do you have that much," The slimy looking man seems to think that Toby's small stature means that he is only a small boy, barely capable of holding a crayon.

Toby thinks nothing of it, even though he has been doing a lot of thinking of late and says, "It's only worth 3 look at this fault 'ere," He points out a small knot in the wood.

"No…that adds to its quality, boy, but if you're sure I'll let you 'ave it for four," they man forces a smile.

"Oh, Queenie, look, is that a stall selling scrubbing boards for 2 pounds and under? We could go there,"

"I don't see any--" he interrupts stomps on her white boots.

"See, just tucked in over there, see the sign?" He points to an imaginary stall and she realises that he is trying to trick the merchant into lowering the price.

"NO! You can't go over there!" the man yells.

"Why is that, sir?" Toby smiles.

"Because these are of the finest quality…I assure you! Here, I'll lower the price to 2 pounds, how's that?" the man fidgets and looks over to see the stall that isn't there.

"That's better, sir," Toby hands him the money and takes the board and they run off before the man realises that he has been fooled.

"Well….I don't suppose I'll be getting that bracelet," Queenie looks over to the bead stall.

"Ma'am probably wants her change back, Miss Queenie, I'm sorry," he shrugs.

"It's alright, Toby," she hands him the bags of shopping, he takes them and his hands brush against hers as he does. She almost drops the bags when they touch and for a moment they both think that perhaps, the other will react somehow…but they don't.

They walk home, over the cool streets; Queenie is careful not to slip but thinks that maybe she wants to, just to have him catch her again.

Before they have even spoken a word to each other they are home and Toby rushes inside and gives the money and goods to the baker.

Queenie smiles and nods at Mrs. Lovett and goes to her room. She unlaces the white boots that Nellie found for her and sits on the small bed and yawns. Drivenbyrevenge is meant to be her friend and yet she has exiled her in this hell hole of the 1800s with no-one interesting except a boy who's main interest is in a goat.

She gives up on thought and, without thinking about dinner, falls asleep on the creamy sheets.

**A/N: driven and Robina are talking about Harry Potter, something they haven't thought about since they raced each other reading the books and Robina won by two pages. **

"**I think that Bellatrix and Voldemort were meant to be together," Robina explains to driven.**

"**Well…actually, that's a funny thing, in this fanfic I read, Bellatrix is sort of trying to win his love, it's great!"**

"**What's it called?"**

"**It's by an awesome writer called Super Snuffles and it's called 'The Luckiest'," Drivenbyrevenge grins.**

"**Are you sure it isn't just one of those stupid stories written in around five minutes and not thought through at all?" Robina is always worried about badly written fanfics.**

"**No way, Robina, this story is written from Bellatrix's perspective and it is so insightful on her mind and thoughts that you feel like your reading her diary!" the both of them fly over to the pineapllle throne and the buenananana hammock, driven sitting on the first and Robina on the latter.**

"**Cool, driven I'll definitely read it!" Robina starts peeling her fiftieth buenananana of the day and driven starts on a pineapllle pie.**

"**Disclaim please, Robina!" driven reminds her friend who suffers from short term memory loss.**

"**Driven doesn't own Sweeney Todd, Blue glass beads, wooden scrubbing boards or ice houses!"**

**All crappy advertisement aside: The Luckiest is seriously a great story so read it or I shall send my oompa loompa helpers to cut you in the night….MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Review this chapter please, everyone and tell me what you think of Queenie!!! :D**


	24. Chapter 24

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 24: Memories are Knocking/Stolen Childhood/Tumour/Drown in Her Kiss

**A/N: MAN! That's a Long Title!!**

**Robina is standing in front of driven and the three unicorns holding a buenananana microphone, "I fear that my time here is coming to an end…I have been called to France, and as the queen I must go," she wipes a tear from her eye and looks down at the unicorns and driven.**

**Charlie rolls his eyes, "Oh of course….a fourteen year old buenanana queen who is also the queen of France…why didn't I think of that!"**

"**Hey…I'm the queen of Canadia!" driven tries to push herself into the conversation.**

"**Don't you mean Canada?" Charlie stomps a hoof impatiently.**

"**No…I renamed it because the people aren't called Canadans they're Canadians therefore the country should be Canadia! Also it sounds better than Canada," she explains.**

"**It's true…she did re-name it," Robina nods.**

"**Yes, of course…..another fact that was just sooo obvious, because people can re-name countries whenever they please!"**

"**Yeah, they can also make themselves leader and declare a war….using fruit as weapons," Robina is very serious.**

"**Hahaha….Jessica is still complaining after that time that she tried to take over our Jamaica with her measly, little oranges against my coconuts and your buenananas and she failed…MISERABLY!" driven high-fives Robina.**

"**GET ON WITH THE SPEECH!!!" Charlie screams.**

"**Ah yes the speech, anyway…I'm leaving now….GOODBYE!!!" with that Robina is gone.**

**Driven wipes a tear away and says, "Great, now who's gonna disclaim for me!?"**

"**Don't look at me!" Charlie is not interested in a career.**

**The other unicorns are too busy, babbling about a man in a hat, to hear her.**

"**Well…okay here goes," driven braces herself to do what she has only done a few times before, "I, drivenbyrevenge do not own Sweeney Todd or anything affiliated with Sweeney Todd…even though Johnny Depp lives in my wardrobe,"**

Toby watches as a golden circle rises over a mist horizon…it's the sun. Not that it'll do much to the icy, London, winter weather.

Toby is beginning to realise how grown up he is. The trauma he went through just over a year ago is what made him grow up so quickly.

The strange life he lived, and still lives. Here is a thirteen year old boy, wiser than most of London's inhabitants. Toby isn't stupid…he isn't the most intellectual person you'd meet but he knows what he's doing, which is exactly why he would never let anyone into his mind.

His mind….a dark pool of nightmarish thoughts about his guardians, his past that keeps knocking…promising to break down the wall he has built to keep its memory out. His life now isn't much better, he doesn't trust Mr. Todd and even though Mrs. Lovett is practically his mother…he doesn't trust her an awful lot either.

Queenie, Toby barely knows her and yet he finds himself wondering about her. Where did she come from? How did she get here? Things like that….

Actuallly he found it quite surprising that he had an interest in Queenie at all…he'd never liked any girls before. But Queenie was different…he found her attractive, which was different for Toby…since when had he found girls attractive? More like repulsive!

She was attractive to him, though and why wouldn't she be, she was very pretty, a young lady with beautiful eyes but she had a strange air about her….she was different from everyone else....almost like, she was from another dimension or time…but, that wasn't possible….was it?

SCENE CHANGE TO THE PIE SHOP!!!!!

Mrs. Lovett has been up all night reading results from the test they carried out not long ago.

She has finally found some results by midday and she rushes out to where Anthony and Johanna are watching birds, "Anthony! I found what makes that eyebrow of yours twitch!"

"What?" Anthony runs forward, hand over his eyebrow.

"It's a tumour!" she smiles.

"You mean like a magical, happy, tumour?" Anthony likes to see the bright side.

"No…a malignant tumour…"she forces a smile.

"You mean a special----"he begins.

"You're going to die," she interrupts.

"What…? No! This is not happening, this is not happening…YOU'RE WRONG!!!" He is crying.

Johanna pulls her navy coat around her frame and looks at Nellie, "Nell, are you sure about this? Is there any chance you may have made a mistake?"

"No…no chance at all…he is definitely dying!" Nellie shrugs and walks back inside, leaving the young couple holding each other, crying their innocent eyes out.

SCENE CHANGE TO THE PARLOUR!!!!

Sweeney hasn't slept…not that that's anything new. He cannot find his razors…he needs his shiny friends…he needs to work.

To let the flow, the blood, of those who moralize…that is his bliss but he needs his razors to do so.

If only he had been paying attention when Pie Hag had given them to him…but he'd been thinking about this room…only seconds before that, if he was remembering correctly, he had held his daughters doll…he still missed Johanna now.

Johanna lived with him, yes, but the Johanna he loved was a bright eyed tot with a smile wide enough to light up the bottom of the ocean. The Johanna he had gotten…she smiled all the time. It was different though, forced. This Johanna, he loved, but she was far too much like him…more than she would ever know.

With every laugh he heard from her mouth…he knew that her tears were lurking…he didn't know what Turpin had done to her, in the years that he held her as a prize, like a bird with clipped wings.

He didn't want to know what nightmares he had cursed her with…his innocent baby daughter…now tainted with the disease of memories.

She wanted to cry and so did he…for Lucy…for the lost years. The years that the three of them could have spent as a family, lost, he would never know what games Johanna had played when she was six. He would never know if she had any friends when she was eight. He would never know what her favourite drink was when she was twelve.

These useless pieces of information…he didn't need them but he wishes he would have been at her side to watch her grow up

Chances are that she would not have been allowed to play games, she would not have had any friends and at the age of twelve she wouldn't have been allowed to sample drinks to find her favourite.

He knew so little of his beloved daughter but one thing he did know: she was far more broken than she would ever let anyone know. Johanna Barker had not had a childhood…it had been stolen away from her and ripped into shreds before her big, blue eyes.

He knocks over a stand with a dead house plant in it…soil scatters over the floorboards that are still slightly shiny since after Will decorated.

Sweeney wants to scream in frustration…if he doesn't find his razors soon…he…he, well he doesn't know what he'll do and that's the problem.

Sweeney is the type that likes to be in control of the situation, and without his friends doing that is extremely difficult.

He screams…he can't hold it in, "AAAAAH!!!!"

In a matter of seconds Mrs. Lovett is at his side, "What's all this screamin', what's 'appened?"

"My razors…" he cannot admit to her that he can't remember where they were.

"Oh...those bloody, old, things, is that all," she rolls her eyes and looks at him.

She regrets doing so…as soon as her eyes lock onto his dark pools of misery her heart is flooded with the feelings that she tries so hard to block off…her love for him.

His eyes, his skin, the faint, almost mocking, smile playing at his lips that contrasts so well with his eyebrows, set in a frown. She loves him…all of him…every side of this man…the one, who tried to kill her, twice, the one who she knows loves her but will not give up on his dead wife.

This man, this barber…she cannot let him go and she will love him until the end of time…even in death she will love him…but she can't tell him that, she has told him she loves him but there is no way that she will let him know just how deep her love is.

"My razors…" he repeats, breaking her thoughts.

"You can't remember where they are…can you?" She teases him.

"I can remember…I'm just not sure," he lies.

"Ah…of course," She humours him.

"I…I'm not exactly sure if I know where they were…I have a vague…idea…perhaps you could help?" he pleads.

"Well…they're in this room," she looks around.

"I know that, pie hag!"

"Don't snap at me! If you aren't polite I shan't help you!" She scolds.

He composes himself and sighs, "I'm sorry," he whispers.

"You're what? Did you just say that you were sorry?!" She yells.

"Yes…" he is ashamed that this woman has had this effect on him.

She puts her arms around his neck and he tilts his head up and they stay like that…for at least ten minutes.

She kisses him, on his lips. He resists, refusing to kiss her back even though he wants to. Oh, how he wants to kiss her and surround himself in her love but he can't, he wants his razors and he's not giving in.

"I…love….you," she breathes into his ear.

He loves hearing those words, loves hearing them drift from her mouth between kisses and just those three words are enough to make him forget the razors and start kissing her back.

She wraps her arms around his body, tighter. He slips his arms around her ands runs his fingers down her back, making her shiver.

She squeezes her hands around his neck, stroking his messy, dark hair.

He breaks his lips from hers and whispers in her ear as they clutch at each other, "Nellie, I'm yours…you're mine…we have each other in this hellish world that we've created,"

Never have his words been closer to the truth and she knows it. She doesn't want to think about it too much, though, so she locks her lips into his again and he drowns in her kiss.

**A/N: Charlie is trying to find what's left of his sanity by talking to driven (not that it'll help). She is in a pineapple floaty in a pool and he is standing by the edge. **

"**So…do you have any favourite Authors on fanfic?" He looks around to see if the other unicorns are coming.**

"**Yes! Super Snuffles is brilliant…I love her story: The Luckiest!" driven bounces up and down.**

"**Is it really good?" he glances around again.**

"**YES! In fact I rate it with 5 out of 5 Pineaplllezz!" she laughs.**

"**You can rate things in pineapples?" he raises his eyebrows, (do unicorns have eyebrows?) **

"**No…I rate them in Pineaplllezz…you have to extend the 'l' sound…because I renamed them as well….like Robina did with Buenanananas,"**

"**Anyway….."**

"**READ "THE LUCKIEST" IT IS THE BEST BELLAMORT FIC EVER!!!! Seriously, Super Snuffles is the best Harry Potter fanfic writer out there!" Driven screams. **

**:D Review please….Your opinion means a lot to me! :D**


	25. Chapter 25

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 25: I Can Help

**A/N: The Chapter after the random gibberish that I gibber about in the authors note is continued straight after the last scene in chap24.**

**Driven is standing on a podium no-one is looking art her but she screams out anyway; "I AM QUEEN OF THE POKEATHLON! My Pokemans are the best!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" She laughs maniacally.**

**Every one continues to ignore her.**

"**Hmm," She speaks to the person in her head, known as Sparklez Mc Cheesy, "Biohazrd23 never comes over anymore…Robina left, the unicorns are useless….I need someone to hang with in my crib…but who?"**

**She pulls out some crayons and butchers' paper and begins her brainstorming.**

Sweeney reluctantly pulls his lips from Nellie's. He gazes into her eyes, seeing the love for him that seeps from every gap on her. Nellie is back, the Nellie he loves and longs for.

"Mr. T…" She doesn't finish but kisses him again.

"Nellie…you're back," he whispers in her ear.

"What is that meant to mean?" she asks vaguely when she feels his lips hover over her neck.

"YOU, Nellie…not Mrs. Lovett….Mrs. Lovett isn't in love with me…you are," he presses his lips down on her neck and kisses it, feeling goose bumps form on her skin.

She stays silent, feeling his lips on her skin and his hands running gently through her tangled hair.

"Nellie," He kisses her, forgetting that he ever said anything bad about her.

The sensation and buzz writhing through her from his lips is amazing, she can barely feel anything else, and it's just them in each others arms, engulfed in the others kiss.

"I need you, Nellie," he strokes her neck and the goose bumps return.

She pulls away, "You need me but I LOVE YOU, it's different, Mr. T," without even a second glance she walks out.

"Nell! Wait…." He yells and then gives up, sighing and sitting on his chair.

_I know what she wants…I just can't say it! "I need you", that's the closest I can get to "I love you" because I'm not sure if I do. Great, now she'll be all huffy and ignore me again. I suppose I deserve it, after how long I ignored her for. _

_Still, what can you expect from a person like me? I'm the first to admit that I have some issues but it's his fault, Turpin. I got my revenge though I should be fine… but I'm not! _

_I love Nellie…no! I love Lucy, my beautiful Lucy. Lucy is dead…Nellie is waiting for me. Do I want her though?_

His thoughts spun around like this until almost seven-thirty at night, when he finally realised that he was arguing with himself.

SCENE CHANGE TO DOWNTOWN LONDON (yes, London has a Downtown!!)

Will wakes…the moon is glaring down on him. He is lying under an archway, peering out to the sky.

He doesn't know how long he's been like this, a week, maybe two…three?

He tried to make things better, tried to make Mr. Todd stop being so down. All he received was a broken heart.

Truthfully, he did not love the barber…he barely knew him. He thought he was good looking, yes but the feelings that he was trying to make up for was the lost love for his ex-lover, Gordon, overshadowed any possible love interest.

Will rolls over, groaning as he does so. He has no reason to live. He wants it to end. Every night he cuts his arms to pieces with a knife he stole from a vendor selling kitchen wares at St. Dunstan's Market.

His back aches from the days that he now spends lying on cobbled pavement.

He stands, he falls. "Aargh…" he moans softly, no one can hear him.

Someone does hear him though.

"You…you're in pain," A form steps from the darkness and states the obvious.

Will looks up silently, studying the shadow above him.

The person is male; he looks young…yet old, somehow, blond hair, almost white, shoulder length and straight, hangs around his thin face, his pale skin and light hair contrast with his deep eyes.

They are amazing, an indescribable colour, not red and not gold…somewhere in between, with hints of mauve, they are like windows into a mystical garden.

He wears a cape, not a vampiric, Count Dracula, cape. It ties around his neck and is blue, and silver and Will can see other colours, somehow woven into the material…it's not satin or velvet, something else, the cape is almost as amazing as his eyes.

With each stride he makes, the cape swoops around his form, clinging and fluttering around him, with almost a will of its own.

Under the cape, the man, is wearing a lighter blue jacket, buttoned right up to his neck, which is wrapped with a scarf of a creamy, white colour. His pants match the jacket.

"You want it to end," it's not a question; he knows what Will wants and prays for, death.

"Yes," Will says simply.

"I can help," The man leans down and looks at the boy with his angelic yet demonic eyes.

**A/N: Drivenbyrevenge still has no ideas and has thrown several tantrums in her warehouse. Suddenly, her friend Jasper's Future Wife appears.**

"**Hey, driven!" She smiles.**

"**Oh! Hey Jas, did you find the pineapple?"**

"**Oh…oh yeah!" Jas nods.**

"**Excellent," driven taps her fingers together.**

"**Well…sup?" Jas looks around and stares at the unicorns.**

"**Hey look it's Jasper!" driven points to one of her many traps.**

"**What! Impossible, he's at home in my wardrobe!"**

"**Apparently not," driven lies.**

"**We'll see!" Jas runs over and sets off the trap. Driven watches as a large cage clangs down around her friend.**

"**Well…well…well! Jas, congrats for volunteering to be my new disclaimer!" driven chuckles.**

"**But…wait…I…I didn't…WHATEVER! Drivenbyrevenge owns nothing!" Jas sighs.**

**Driven whispers to herself, "Looks like I'll need Pyro, my flamethrower again…"**

**I really would like some reviews on this one. Give me your true opinion so that I can improve my writing. :D**

**I AM NOT WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER UNTIL I GET THE REVIEW COUNT UP TO 40!!!!**

**Until then, your friendly, Johnny Depp loving, fanfic writer, drivenbyrevenge. :D**

**While you're waiting, you can read 'The Luckiest' by Super Snuffles! (IT ROCKS!!!!!!!)**


	26. Chapter 26

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 26: Yours

**A/N: **

**THANKYOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!! YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON THAT I KEEP WRITING!!!!**

**Driven is sitting with Jas, who is bound with pineapple scented rope.**

"**Well, Jas, you can disclaim now!" driven says.**

"**driven owns nothing," Jas sighs.**

"**What would you like to wear next time?"**

"**Huh?"**

"**Well, I always used to choose Anthony's outfits…with hilarious results! So, I thought…maybe you'd choose your own!"**

"**Huh?"**

"**Forget it,"**

Will leans forward to hear the man's voice, it is husky and dry but it sounds good.

"I'll help you," The man smiles and strokes Will's hair, not with affection or pity but with interest and wonder…he is examining the boy.

"Why?" Will looks at the man's gloved hand touch his hair. The gloves are as beautiful as every thing about him; they are soft, indigo leather.

"Because, I'll tell you truthfully, I'm lonely," the man pulls his hand back and sits on the pavement.

"I don't under…stand," Will croaks.

"You will, though, after I show you life," The man touches Will's skin, his hand is not warm like it should be but it is not cold, just slightly off a normal temperature. It has a strange buzz to it and Will feels it pulse through him. The man moves his hand quickly when he sees Will's reaction to the surge.

Will looks at him, angrily, "I have seen life...it is cruel and unforgiving, death sounds peaceful and that's what I want, peace from my thoughts and memories."

"But…you are so very young," the man isn't replying to Will, he's thinking to himself, "To snatch away…the light and day from such a young one and show him true life…is it just or fair?"

"Stop talking gibberish!" Will has only, strength enough to yell.

"Stand," The man whispers.

As if he has been cured of his feelings, Will stands and looks up at the man who is now standing, also.

"Why…who are you?" Will stumbles and falls down again.

"I...promise, Will, I will explain everything…if you can ever stand up!" The man is almost laughing at him.

Will decides to give it another try, this time he stands. He feels his bones creak, inside him and he wants to scream with pain.

The man holds out his hand as the universal signal for 'wait' and steps, swiftly to the edge of the tunnel. His eyes dart around the dark streets and he turns back to Will, "Come,"

Will breathes in deeply and follows the strange man.

For what feels like an eternity, Will follows the man through street after street in complete silence.

"How long has it been?" Will gasps, tired.

"Hush! It is almost one in the morning," The man points to a nearby clock tower.

"I'm tired...can we have a drink?" Will begs.

The man laughs at Will for the second time, "A drink of what?! Have you seen me with a drink at all? Do you think that I have a thermos of tea hidden in this cape?!"

Will stays quiet and they walk on.

An hour or so later they reach a set of silvery, polished gates. Silently, the man opens the gates. They open smoothly without a single creak.

They walk for another fifteen minutes, past stone angels…not over graves, just as majestic decorations, they wander along the shiny path past huge fountains, bubbling as clear, blue water pours from them.

The two of them reach the house. It is more than a house, a mansion…yes, mansion is a better word. The building is silver, not stony or grey like a castle but silver…not made of silver, coloured silver, and the rook is marble white and towering over them. Will can, practically see his reflection in the wall.

His eyes are sunken, hair is matted…he looks like someone who belongs nowhere, not in life, not in death.

The man swings the massive door open and they walk inside.

The room on the other side of the door is vast. The floorboards are polished and the walls embedded with velvet. Will gasps with amazement as he looks at the furniture. There is a glass top table with curved, gold, wooden legs, in the room's centre, with matching chairs all around it, a bookshelf lining one of the walls from top to bottom and left to right.

He sees another fountain in the corner, trickling softly. There is a fire crackling along another wall, in front of it are two comfortable looking chairs, they are deep purple and Will is sure they are suede.

Not much furniture for such a huge room but it is all carefully positioned.

Will looks at the man, "This is amazing,"

The man just nods and beckons him through another door.

This room is carpeted with a burgundy, soft, carpet, it is slightly smaller than the last but it is still beautiful. Two art easels are standing side by side and the walls are decorated with hundreds of different sized paintings, each painting has a certain charm to it.

Will has barely looked at five pictures before he is tugged onto the next room.

This room is tiled and smaller than the last but only by a few metres. The tiles are black and rippled through with white. Will feels dirty in the presence of them. Will looks around, there is a few strange nets hung from the ceiling and joined to walls, the nets are black.

On the tiles, in the corner is a statue, Will walks over to it. The statue is of a woman, she is beautiful, she is smiling, her cloak wrapped around her, with her mouth open in that grin, Will can see that two of her top teeth are amazingly sharp and her eyes look as if they do not belong to her.

Will studies the dark, stone woman and feels himself being tugged to yet another room. This one is a bedroom; dark blue carpet forms an ocean under his feet. A small bookshelf is against a wall. There is a stand with a fancy ceramic jug and bowl on it. A bed beckons him. It is massive and has deep red blankets on it and gold pillows, poles extend from all ends and there is a gold net over it.

The room is a lot smaller than the others. Will, sees a set of drawers across the room from the bookshelf, the drawers are wooden and there is a golden, shimmery handle on each drawer and a large polished mirror gleams next to the drawers.

"Sleep, Will," The man turns to leave.

"WAIT!" Will calls and the man comes back to his side.

"What?" He stays calm.

"How do you know my name?" Will is confused.

"Will…short for William, I know your name because I know you…more than you think, I wouldn't have let you into my world if I'd only just found you. Did you know that…when you sleep, you talk? You do…it has let me learn so much of you…but I've never been this close to you before.

Will feels the man's electric fingers stroke his face as if he has discovered something new and amazing.

Will looks around, "What is this?"

"Your room. That is your bookshelf, full of your books, that is your bed with your blankets and pillows and those drawers are yours and in them, the clothes are yours. That stand is yours, as is the jug and basin on it, it is filled with water that is yours and the towel hanging on the railing next to it, is yours. The mirror over there…that is yours, this carpet, these walls and this roof…it is all yours, now…Sleep, William,"

Will says no more ands watches as the strange man leaves the room. Will methodically takes off his torn, broken boots and his pants and what is left of his fraying, torn shirt. He walks to the drawers. The clothes inside the drawers are beautiful…nothing compared to that of the man who brought him here…but still, they are beautiful.

He takes out a loose green shirt and pulls it over his head, it feels comfortable. He pulls out black pants, a sort of dusky black; he puts them on as well. The young man wanders over to the jug; shakily he fills the basin with water and sets the jug beside it.

He splashes his eyes but it isn't enough, he dunks his whole head in the cool water. He feels it soak into his skin and run through his hair. He lifts his head out and shakes his hair dry.

He feels refreshed but still unspeakably tired. He folds down the red blankets of the bed and falls to sleep beneath their peaceful clutches.

**A/N: driven is screaming her head off, crying and wailing. Her sister and herself have just finished reading the books that they have read together for what feels like an eternity, The Saga of Darren Shan. **

"**AAAAAH! Darren's dead!!! Why? AAAAAH!" She sobs.**

**Jas looks over, "Who?"**

"**The Saga of Darren Shan…they're these amazing books and Eliza and I just finished them and DARREN DIED!" driven screeches.**

**Jas sighs, "You do realise that if anyone reading this is actually reading the saga then you've spoiled the ending…"**

"**WHO CARES, NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE! DARREN'S DEAD!"**

**Jas shakes her head and stares straight forward, "Hello, I'm Jasper's Future Wife, this chapter has been brought to you by the kind people at Darren Shan Inc. and Sweeney Todd Inc. and the abyss that is drivenbyrevenge's delusional mind. Driven owns nothing. Thankyou for reading,"**

**Seriously, THE SAGA OF DARREN SHAN is amazing! Rest in Peace, Darren, even in death, may you be triumphant! **


	27. Chapter 27

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 27: Shiny Things

**Driven is flying around, still furious about the end of the saga.**

**Jas is watching her, wondering how she ever got wings.**

**Driven swoops down and screams, "Jas! Disclaim!"**

**Jas reminds herself that none of this is real and says, "driven owns nothing,"**

Queenie is up and in the kitchen with Toby. Toby keeps blushing and staring at her. It is extremely awkward.

"Miss Queenie, I have somethin' for you," He stutters.

"My name is Lightning Mc Queen…call me Queenie, not Miss Queenie…and what do you mean you 'have something for me'?" She asks sceptically.

"Well, u…um, close your eyes."

She does so.

"Now…hold out your hand," he says, shakily.

She feels something hard press into her palm.

"Open your eyes, Qu…Queenie," he smiles.

She looks down into her hand and sees the bracelet that she wanted about a week or two ago.

The glassy beads smile up at her. She slips it onto her wrist, smiling.

"Thankyou, Toby," She refrains from hugging him.

"Do…you…like it?" he looks at the bracelet.

"I love it! But…how did you get the money?" she keeps her gaze on the beads.

"That's my secret." He walks off.

Queenie shrugs and sees Nellie walk through the door.

Mrs. Lovett smiles at the girl, "Mornin', love, how did you sleep?"

The baker reaches to a new milk bottle and two glasses.

Queenie watches as the woman pours the creamy milk, "Alright…I'm not used to this place yet,"

Mrs. Lovett hands her a glass and they sit at one of the tables, "What do you mean, love?"

"Well…I don't know, I suppose this house will take a while for me to get used to."

"All new places are like that, dear," Mrs. Lovett gazes into the milk.

"Mmmm," Queenie agrees.

SCENE CHANGE TO THE PARLOUR!!!

Sweeney has done it! He's found his razors. They were under the floorboards! He's holding one up to the light of the window.

"Oh…my friend, I've found you!" He whispers to the blade.

Suddenly a customer comes in. Sweeney almost squeals with the excitement of having his first costumer in almost a month.

It is a man, about forty, of a reasonable size, not fat but not skinny.

"Hello, sir, how may I be serving you, today?" Sweeney smiles up at him, demonic glint returning to his eye.

"Well, actually, I've been shopping around for a cologne…something Spanish, with perhaps a few hints of oceanic scents…do you have anything or know where I could buy something like it?" The man looks wealthy and well-read, he is wearing an emerald green suit and his slightly thinning hair is swept back.

When he realises that the man did not come for a shave Sweeney wants to scream. There isn't even any point offering, the man's face is as smooth as glass, and not even a hint of stubble is lurking near the surface.

"Well…uh…not really but…." Sweeney stutters in anger.

The man cuts him off, "Well good day, then sir," he makes for the door.

In a rush of bloodthirsty adrenalin, Sweeney lunges after the man, wielding his razor.

"Ah, get off…what are you….Aargh!" The man starts to ask but Sweeney cuts him off with a smooth slice of the razor.

"Over here, sir," Sweeney pretends that the costumer isn't bleeding fatally and pushes him into the chair.

Sweeney pulls the blubbering man's head back and he slices through the smooth skin again with the blade of his friend.

The man makes one last feeble attempt to push Sweeney away. He fails, of course. Sweeney makes one last, jab through the man's neck, and stomps down on the lever. The man slides down to the bakehouse. Finally, Mrs. Lovett will have some supplies.

Sweeney collapses on the chair panting with the adrenalin and crazed rush that killing gives him.

SCENE CHANGE TO THE MYSTERIOUS HOUSE!!!!

Will is in his room, he has changed his clothes again and now wears loosely fitted brown pants and a white, renaissance style shirt. His looks at his reflection, his hair used to be short and metallic pink (how he got pink hair in the 19th century, I DO NOT KNOW!) now it had grown out, back to brown, chocolate brown, it was longer now, not very long because it was extremely short a while ago, but it was long enough to look messy.

He scrambles around in a drawer and finds a brush. Carelessly, he rips it through his hair. The man walks in without knocking.

"Ah, Will, you're up, I knew you would be, you're hungry," The man states.

Will puts the hair brush down and nods; the man is still wearing the same clothes but has ditched his cape.

The man beckons Will out to a room, there is wooden boards along the floor and candles flickering, attached to the walls. The man pushes Will into a seat, a light brown lounge chair. Will looks around him. The chair is the only one of its kind in the room, nearby it is a different chair, black, leather, but still a lounge chair.

The man tells him to stay and walks out.

There is a wooden stand by one corner and on it sits a large, crystal bowl, the bowl is full of liquid, it's a shiny, golden liquid, the liquid is moving about the bowl, swirling around in a gentle frenzy.

Will cannot see anything making the golden liquid move and stops looking at it, for fear he will not be able to remove his gaze.

The man is back at his side again, holding a silver bowl. He hands it to Will, it is soup.

Will sniffs it, it smells wonderful, sort of like chicken soup, but he can smell many herbs as well…there's other scents that he can't pick out mixed through.

He holds the steaming bowl to his mouth and drinks deeply, it tastes even better than it smells, the heat burns his tongue but he doesn't care. It is the first time that he has had anything other than a dead rat for weeks. The taste sets in and Will finishes the bowl quickly.

As fast as lightning, the man hands him another. Will takes it and drinks, slower this time, as he does the man sits in the other chair and watches.

Will places the soup on his lap and looks to the man, "Explain everything, what is your name?"

"My name?" He mutters, then after a pause he looks back at Will, "My name does not matter," The man looks distant and vague.

"Well, what do you want with me?" Will takes another sip of the broth.

"AARGH!" The man slams his fist down on the arm of his chair, making Will jump, "I was sure that when you saw the statue you would understand…I never thought I would have to spell it out for you!"

Will frowns, "I…I don't understand…"

"Alright…do you see that bowl of liquid?" The man sighs and points to the bowl.

Will nods.

"Go over to it, dip your hand in the liquid," The man stands and they both walk to the bowl.

Gaze drawn in by the golden liquid. Will cautiously dips his left hand into the liquid, he feels it cling onto his fingers, wrapping around his skin, it hurts. He pulls his hand out. The man frowns at him and he worriedly puts it back. The liquid swims up his hand, becoming like a film, a second skin.

"Take your hand out," the man nods.

Will pulls his burning hand from the beautiful bowl.

The both of them watch as the liquid drips straight off, Will gasps as he sees his hand.

There is a raw, fleshy 'x' mark engraved over his palm…burnt into his skin.

"No…NO! AAAAAH! I thought it was the right one! Instead I've picked up a bloody useless, kid, AAAAAH!" The man yells almost toppling the bowl.

Clutching his hand, Will backs away, towards the door.

"Get…Back Here," the man says stiffly, he examines Will's hand again, wanting to find a new result. A smile grows on his face as he watches an 'o' shape stretch out from behind the 'x', Will is speechless, his hand still burns as the 'o' grows bigger than the 'x' and Will is left with a mark embedded on his hand, an 'o' with an 'x' inside it.

"Oh, can it be? It must…I've never seen anything like this before, amazing, it is you…" He gasps.

Will frowns, "What…who am I, I'm confused."

"Look," The man holds his hand out, the faint scar of an 'o' shape is on his hand.

"It's different," Will shrugs.

"Yes, I'm not telling you what but an 'o' means something good, an 'x' isn't a good sign for my kind and the circled 'x'…it means something different altogether!" The man squeals.

"What?" Will studies his own hand.

"Never you mind…" The man smiles.

"Tell me who you are," Will insists.

"Fine…" They both sit back down.

"Well?" Will asks.

"If…you must know then let us walk and talk."

They both leave the room and wander through the house, as they walk through rooms that Will hasn't seen yet he asks, "This place is amazing…is it your home?"

They turn into another room, it is freezing and dimly lit, the man looks at Will, "No…it's his," the man nods at a person slumped in the corner.

Curious, Will, walks over to the man, his clothing looks dirty and his eyes are set into a stare, mouth open in a silent scream. He is dead. There is a small trickle of foul smelling, dried liquid staining his neck, blood and by the looks of things that's all the blood he has left.

Will looks from the man's corpse and back to the man next to him…he opens his mouth to release a bloodcurdling scream…nothing. He's in shock and he can't make a sound, if he did no-one would hear him anyway.

"Hahaha…hmmm….phfff….hahaha…"The man chuckles at the expression decorating Will's feminine face.

"What…is this, what…wh—what are you?!" Will tries to back away.

The man quickly slams the door behind them and he hunts Will further into the room, the stench of death closing in.

"William," He teases, "You act as if I'm a demon or something! Ha! I'm just like you, we're very similar…did you know, that I too have a little obsession for shiny things?"

Will trembles, "How did you know that I like shiny things?"

"Oh, William…you must try not to talk in your sleep…"The man laughs.

Will frowns and keeps backing away.

"Keep still, please, William," The man gives him no choice as he grips his hand onto the boy's wrist.

"Let go, you crazed lunatic!" Will yells.

The man rubs his back, "Shh…shh…indoor voice, please, Will, I'm not crazy, just different…people said that Copernicus and Galileo were crazy too but they were geniuses…I'm just like…you,"

Will whimpers as the man pushes him against a wall.

The man pushes Will's head back and exposes his neck. Smiling, wickedly he bares his teeth.

The fangs are beautiful, two of them protruding down from the top of the mouth. They are perfectly even, a lustrous, pearly, white colour. At the ends they are sharp, sharper than anything that Will has ever seen before.

This time Will can scream and he does. He screams as the man shows his teeth, he screams as the man looms over him and he screams as the fangs close in on his neck.

**A/N: Jas takes one look at driven and says, "See you!" driven has undone her ropes.**

"**WHAT! You can't go…you're my disclaimer!" driven looks around for Pyro.**

"**Sorry, driven, I have my own fanfics to write, drivenbyrevenge owns nothing!" She laughs and disappears.**

**Driven collapses in annoyance and rocks back and forth.**

**Hello, what do you all think of this chapter? Reviews would be loved! I promise that I am relating the story line with Will back to the main Sweeney story line it's just taking a while to get there! :D**


	28. Chapter 28

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 28: Merrh…/Lovett Puddle

**A/N:**

**This chapter is dedicated to Biohazrd23 for his awesome inspiration, read his resident evil parody: Fun at the Mansion! **

**THANKS BIOHAZRD23!!!!**

**Driven has decided to kidnap Biohazrd23 for the time being.**

**She pulls a few levers and flicks a few switches and he is standing before her.**

**He frowns at her, "I am sick of you, and your magic tricks!"**

**Driven picks Pyro up, "Hello friendly friend…DISCLAIM!!!!!" **

**Hazrd sticks the finger up at her, "Driven owns nothing,"**

Will stops screaming when he does not feel fangs on his neck.

Instead he hears laughter. The man lets him go and says, "Did you think I was going to bite you William, drink you dry, turn you into a creature of the night....Hmmm…? HA!"

He giggles and walks out, locking the door behind him.

Will faints.

SCENE CHANGE TO THE PIE SHOP!

Mrs. Lovett is happy to be back at her post and is very grateful to Mr. T for getting her some supplies.

She is re-dusting the bench with flour when a customer walks in.

A woman with a small son, who is gazing around curiously, walks over to the baker and says, "Hello…I'd like a…" she cannot make up her mind.

Mrs. Lovett quivers slightly, "Would you like a…merrh…" She stutters.

The woman is about to question her before the baker interrupts, "I'm sorry I don't know what came over...merrh…, It seems that I cannot stop saying…merrh…merrh…….merrh!" She suddenly melts into a puddle on the ground.

Sweeney looks up from his razor, where he is standing in the corner.

The costumer shrieks and runs out.

Sweeney rushes forward, pulling a jar off the shelf, he kneels over the Lovett-puddle and scoops it into the jar, carefully.

He strokes the puddle a little before putting the lid over the top. He whispers to the jar, "Oh, Nellie, what happened….I, this is terrible!"

He places the jar back on the shelf and begins pacing with his razor.

"I love Nellie…I love Lucy…I love Nellie….I love Lucy…I love Nellie…I love Lucy…I love Nellie…Lucy…Nellie…Lucy

…Nellie…Lucy…N…L…N…L…N..." He stammers.

Suddenly Acro Princess appears holding a half dead stinking fish, "MAKE UP YOUR MIND, YOU STUPID BARBER!" She screams as she whacks him across the head with the fish.

"What the fuck are you doing with that fish?!" He yells.

"I'M PUNISHING YOU!" Acro Princess yells back before realising that she's talking to the punisher of the millennium, the demon barber of Fleet Street.

"Whatever…." He waves his razor like a wand and she disappears. (WOW AND THIS ISN'T EVEN A PARODY!)

"Oh, Nellie…why did you have to say merrh…?" He whispers to the Lovett-puddle.

SCENE CHANGE TO ST. DUNSTAN'S MARKETS.

Toby is standing at his stall where he sells small blankets woven from goat hair.

When he got Marge he was told he would have to earn his keep to keep her.

So he learnt how to weave, and using all of his friends excess hair he had taken up making blankets and rugs, he dyed some of them too, with dye that he bought. He sat with a money tin and only his small brain as a calculator. Rugs were piled around him with signs saying things like: 'this section=1£', 'All baby blankets=10 shillings' and 'Dyed rugs=5£'.

He didn't get many customers but when he did they usually bought a lot.

He sits falling asleep as the sun stared upon him. He hears a voice, "No…It's too early to get up…"He murmurs at it before coming to his senses and realising it is a customer.

"This rug, how much…?" A man jabs, at one of the clearly marked piles, with a dirty finger.

Toby jumps up and runs over, dusting grime from his freshly woven work, "The sign says, '3£, sir, would you like to buy it, I just finished makin' it yesterday,"

The man frowns…is this a tear?" He points at piece where Toby couldn't get the threads together.

Toby grins and leans forward, ribbing off loose ends to make it more presentable, "Certainly not, sir, 3£!"

The man grunts and pulls out a small bundle of money. Toby's eyes light up at the money and he picks the rug up and takes it to the counter. He refold it carefully and passes it to the man in return for the money, without a word of thanks, he leaves with the rug.

Toby thanks the sky and drops the money into the tin and sits back at his post with the sun….beating…down and he…falls deep into sleep.

SCENE CHANGE TO INSIDE THE JAR!

Lovett-puddle glances around her surroundings; she is safely encased in a jar, on a shelf. _Drift. Voices…whose voice? HIS. Sweeney Todd's voice, mumbling something sadistic to his razor, about…what? I hear my name, he says the word love, and now I hear nothing._

The silence fills Lovett-puddle's thoughts. She feels the jar, cool and safe, her nest, like an egg. She spins and stops and spins around again, slower, looking out of the smudgy jar into the shop…she can see HIM.

_I watch him tuck his razor into his pocket and run his gloved hand through his beautiful hair, that hair I love to touch and stroke, I love his hair._

_His eyes flick around the, otherwise empty, room, his eyes. Like nothing I have ever seen before, they are never-ending pools of chocolate filled with thoughts. He seems down and emotional all the time, but I know better than that, he has a reason to live. If he had nothing to drive him he would let himself die. _

_He was once driven by love for his wife and child and after that he was driven by revenge _(YAY! Drivenbyrevenge! THAT'S ME!) _But what is he driven by now? I don't care, it doesn't matter, and I love him. _

_Love isn't the right word, it's more than love, this wonderful feeling he gives me without knowing it, I need him, he is my world and I would die for him and I will if it comes to that._

_He bites down on his lip, the lips that have missed mine and spun me to heaven and back to Earth every time he moves them._

_He smirks slightly at something, I don't know what…one side of his mouth turns up and his eyes light up, he's laughing inside but he hasn't laughed for so long that he's almost forgotten how._

_I don't know what has happened, I'm a puddle now, in a jar, but it's given me time to think, when you are a puddle you can really come to grips with things._

_He stands, I love it when he stands, he doesn't need to move, the way he stands, it's a wonder. He stands with a purpose._

_I watch as the barber walks over to my jar. He picks me up. I feel myself tremble and wonder if he can feel it. He puts his mouth to the jar and says something but I cannot hear much all I hear is, "Nellie…Sorry…How did you……………merrh…Nellie…I" Then it stops and he puts me down with a sad, confused smile, the smile I love so much._

SCENE CHANGE TO THE PARLOUR!!!!!!!!

Sweeney walk in. He takes off his jacket and throws it to a corner, her places his razor on his dresser. He sits on his chair of doom and cries. He cries his eyes out, he cries his eyes out for Lovett-puddle.

**A/N: Biohazrd23 looks at driven, "So…um…BYE!" He disappears.**

**Driven screams, "I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF THAT HAPPENING!! I NEED A DISCLAIMER!!"**

**Charlie rolls his eyes, "Why don't you just kidnap someone else?"**

**Driven says, "Maybe, I'd rather have someone volunteer…I could kidnap someone from the fanfic! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA…MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" she laughs maniacly and goes off to read 'Lord Loss' by Darren Shan.**

**Reviews….please…:-) …I beg of you…:D**

**P.S. So…anyone read 'The Luckiest' yet? READ IT!! OR ACRO PRNCESS WILL HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A FISH!!!!!**


	29. Chapter 29

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 29: Catching Up, Apprenticeships and Soap

**A/N: **

**Sorry if this chapter has no point but it's something I've been meaning to do for ages.**

**Driven does the 'Imma cut you' look as she laughs and watches Mr. Desmond Tiny appear in a teleporting device. Charlie grunts in amazement and the other unicorns rush off.**

**(If you don't know who Mr. Tiny is you should read The Darren Shan Saga by Darren Shan, HINT: Desmond Tiny, shorten the Desmond to Des and you get Des Tiny or Destiny. Mr. Destiny, he wears a yellow suit, green gumboots and has a mysterious heart shaped watch and is fairly short and has a very mocking attitude.)**

"**Well, well, well…" He walks forward looking at driven, "Wait a minute! You're not Darren's replacement!"**

"**Hello, Des, m' buddy! Hehehehehe…"She smiles.**

"**This isn't funny…little girl, you shouldn't meddle with the meddler." He scowls.**

**She watches him look around for a place of exit, "A shame that you won't be leaving…"**

"**Why?" He asks.**

"**Well, you may be the most powerful force on earth but my awesomenessnessness overpowers you!"**

"**Very, well, "His mouth returns to a frown as he realises that she is right, "What do you want with little ol' me?"**

"**You are going to disclaim for me, drivenbyrevenge!"**

"**Why me?"**

"**REVENGE!!!! For what you did to Darren, you screwed up everything!"**

"**Tis my nature!" He smiles.**

"**Alright, thankyou for accepting the job, WELCOME ABOARD!" She sticks her tongue out at him.**

"**What's in it for me?" He straightens out his suit.**

**She grinds her teeth at the little man, "Life and a Sense of Purpose, **

**Mr. T!"**

"**It's Mr. Tiny, to you, girl,"**

"**Then you'll call me driven or 'your highness' Now disclaim, gumboot man!"**

"**Driven doesn't own a thing…except for me at the moment."**

**She claps for him, "Yes! Very good, Des!"**

It's just past midnight and Sweeney is still moping. Although, being Sweeney he's enjoying it. He looks around the room, from his chair, over to his razors. He can't stop thinking of that blasted puddle. With a groan he rises, stiffly from the chair and picks out a razor from the box, silently, he begins pacing along the room.

SCENE CHANGE!

Johanna and Anthony have grown tired of sleeping on separate couches in Nellie lounge room and Johanna is laying awake eyes dancing over the shadows in the room. The eyes fix them selves on her sleeping fiancé and she mumbles to the shadows, "One day, Ant, I'll live with you, we'll be so happy…one day, I…promise. She's wide awake, thanks to the footsteps upstairs. _What's he doing now? Polishing the floorboards? _She gets up and wanders to the kitchen, plans forming in her pretty little head as she grabs a gin bottle and one glass. She passes the shelf on her way out and gazes at an odd jar of silvery liquid. _Strange…_ Silently she tiptoes up the stairs to the parlour. She knocks on the door.

Sweeney turns quickly to see Johanna at the door, bottle and glass, in hand. He opens the door, "Johanna, you should be sleeping…"

She walks in, "Perhaps, as should you, you hypocrite!" it's a joke, said with a laugh.

"Well, you have my wit, Johanna, and yet it seems I know nothing of you…" He takes the bottle as she offers it and pours himself a glass.

A similar look takes over her face, "That's why I wish to talk with you…but I'm not sure what to ask first, I never knew you."

"I'm Sweeney Todd, London's best barber…I resign at 186 Fleet Street. That's about all there is to it." He swallows the gin down.

"No…there's much more, father, it goes deeper like the night you threatened me. Your name is not Sweeney Todd, my mother's name was Lucy and you keep many secrets from me, from everyone, your past."

"Past…" He mumbles, "Foggy, distant, hellish…yet beautiful...past." He holds her close and says, "I'm sorry, you wouldn't understand."

She breaks away, "I want to understand…we have until daylight…I will listen."

"Okay…where shall I start?" He gulps some of the gin down and they both sit, crossed legged on the floorboards, "Well...you're right my name wasn't always Sweeney Todd, it's what I use now…but I was once a happy, carefree, naive," He spits the last word in disgust, "Benjamin Barker. Lucy was my wife, and you were very young…so young, look" He gets up and hands her the photos of Lucy and her as a baby. She stares at them.

"Go on…"

He bit his lip, "Nothing could have stopped what happened but sometimes I find myself wondering about it. I loved Lucy, like life and even more. She, and you, Johanna, were stolen." He refilled the glass.

Now it is she who says a word as if it is a cockroach crawling from her mouth, "Turpin."

He doesn't even falter slightly at the mention of the man who destroyed his happy little world, "Yes, I was sent to Australia."

"Why did he do it?"

"Jealousy." There was no anger to his voice, Johanna's presence was somehow, calming, "He wanted Lucy to be his so he took you both…so tiny, you were far too small for all that, you had no idea  
Johanna…" He squeezed her hand.

"What was she like?"

He chokes on memories and all he can say is, "Yellow hair. Beautiful smile, you look like her."

"That's why you never talk to me? I remind you too much of her."

He smiles vaguely, "Yes, you look just like my Lucy." He lifted the gin to his mouth and swallowed it down as his daughter asked yet another question.

"Australia, what was it like?"

He gives a short answer, "Hot, sandy…air like salt and dust…but my mind was never far from you, and Lucy,"

"I would have been Johanna Barker," She says slowly.

"You are Johanna Barker, you cannot be Johanna Todd. You are a barker, through and through and I'm proud, of you. Although you are like we were, young and so very naïve."

"Yes, I fear I am a little naïve. Continue please, father.

"Well…fifteen years later I returned to London, broken, tainted and shadowed. Anthony brought me, he's shaping up into a man nicely." He smiled at her.

"He…saved me, from that life…"She whispered slowly.

"He's very bright." Mr. Todd drank the rest of the glass and looked back at Johanna, "Tell me something about you, anything, please."

"Well…my earliest memory is my birds, one was named Hope the other was nameless but sometimes I called her Joy…They sang so beautifully, they were my reason and my life." \

Sweeney almost laughed. Reason and life? Where had he heard that one before?!

Johanna continued, "I remember once, my twelfth birthday we had a party, no children just the judge's friends. It was the first and last time that I was allowed outside of the house. I was happy to be out! There was a girl, about my age walking down the street across the road; she waved at me so I ran off to greet her. It was the beadle who dragged me back, kicking, screaming, crying and very embarrassed. The worst part was when Turpin screamed at me and struck me hard across the face, in front of all those people…they just laughed. I went straight to my room and was never let outside again."

"Oh," He frowns as she points to a scar along her jaw line. Why hadn't he noticed that before?

"What did you call him?" The barber fears the worst.

She smiles, "Sir, mainly or Judge Turpin, neer father…he made it very clear that he was not my father."

"So he could marry you! Urgh…" He fumes in disgust.

"I refused, how could I say yes? It would only tie me further into his web of tricks and lies." She saw her father's glass was empty and promptly filled it up.

"Bedlam, that bastard sent my baby to Bedlam!" He tugs at his hair in frustration.

"I wasn't in there long, thanks to Ant, It wasn't as scary as it was strange, those woman, eyes full of confusion and fear, keeping to themselves. Screaming and crying at night and always shaking," She begins to tremble and Mr. Todd puts his hands to her shoulders and, slowly she calms down.

"Oh my poor little lamb…how did this ever happen…?"

"I was wondering if I could go and live with Ant?" She watches him sip on the gin.

"You're old enough to decide for yourself."

"Do you think she would've like him?" Johanna stutters.

"Yes, pet, she'd have loved him, she loved everyone. A loving person, beautiful, inside and out." He says shakily.

She stays silent for a while before replying, "I miss her, I know I was young when she died, but I remember her and I miss her."

He is silent and she says, "Would you teach me to cut hair?"

"Why?"

"Please?"

"Why?" 

"I want to be like you…" she tries.

"No you don't.…trust me, but I'll teach you, since Will ran off I've had no-one to assist me…you're hired, now get some sleep." He throws her a .pillow from his bed."

"I won't be sleeping tonight, father!" She laughs.

"We'll see," He smiles. (Yeah, Sweeney Todd can smile!)

A few moments later as Sweeney drains another glass of gin Johanna yawns.

She gets into the chair of doom and curls up around the pillow.

"I thought you weren't tired?" He laughs.

"I fear that tiredness is taking over, goodnight."

He smiles and strokes her hair, "Yes…sleep, goodnight."

She falls asleep.

He smiles down on his daughter.

_My Johanna, how many nights did you sleep in fear and tears? Now you are safe, always, my dear. I've missed you, but now you're mine. We'll be the same one day…maybe. _

Suddenly he hears a voice.

_**She's beautiful, Ben…she does have your wit!**_

He looks around before realising the voice is in his head.

_Lucy? You're dead._

_**Yes, thankyou Ben.**_

_I'm sorry, I didn't know, it was wrong I'm so sorry Lucy._

_**Stop. It's fine; you freed me from the walls of insanity that I built around myself…it's wrong of you to kill, though. Turpin was a man as well, just a confused one.**_

_I had too even things out._

_**Surely, Ben, you can stop.**_

_Benjamin would, I'm not Ben anymore, Lucy._

_**I know, Mr. Todd. Sweeney Todd. Or Mr. T…that's what SHE calls you, I've seen you smile inside when she says your name, you love her now.**_

_No! No, no, no! I LOVE YOU!!!_

"_**Benjamin loved me, yes…Sweeney loves Nellie. You tell me you've left Ben behind, if that's true then let me go, please!**_

_I can't lose what I have left of you._

_**What? You can't stand to lose what you have left of me! What do you have left of me?**_

_Memories…_

_**Yes, Ben. Dark, shadowed memories, of a past that feels so far away…**_

_I miss you more than anything Lucy, I'd give anything to have you back…But all I have is your memory, the wavering image of your eyes and your smile. Your voice runs through my head every minute and I can't bear the thought of losing that. I need what's left of you. You're mine for the rest of my life because I can't let go._

_**That's a weakness Ben, it shows fear. Please…let me go. Do you want the nightmares to stop? **_

_I take the nightmares as a blessing; anything that includes you is a blessing._

_**You're as naïve as ever, Benjamin.**_

_I don't love her anyway…_(Yeesh! Stubborn, much?)

_**Yes, you do. You don't know it but you need her, too, more than she needs you.**_

_Lucy, what are you doing in my mind?_

_**I'm not Lucy. Lucy's dead.**_

_What are you?_

_**A memory, a sad one, one that needs to be let go. Remember me, Ben but don't cling…you have been through Hell but still have love left deep in your soul, give it to the lonely baker, you need it as much as she does.**_

_Lucy…why are you doing this?_

Silence….Sweeney knew that that was the end of the conversation.

THE NEXT MORNING

Queenie wakes, she's been in her room for days now, only coming out to eat and use the bathroom. She's been avoiding Toby. Today, however, she won't be. She gets up and does a general morning ritual and goes outside to find Toby.

She finds him outside with a handful of goat hair and a near hairless goat.

"What are you doing?" She says.

"Evenin' this out..." He pulls at the hair.

"Why" She sits down next to him.

"Because then I can spin it and use it to make rugs and things."

"She looks from his shabby clothes and up to his messy hair, "Are you making money with this?"

"Yep!" He smiles.

She laughs cruelly, "Then buy yourself a proper outfit and some soap!"

He watches her walk away and hangs his head in the shameful realisation that he is no longer a child. Having a job isn't enough to be an adult, he has too look right.

Still though, that bracelet had cost him more than a week's worth of earnings. He hisses angrily, "Spoilt Bitch…"

**A/N: Driven is lounging on a shoe shaped chair watching Mr. Tiny play with his watch muttering about dragons, little people and how lovely it would be to put Driven in the lake of souls.**

**Hello faithful readers!!! :D I would really love some reviews for this, I spent a lot of time planning it and would love your opinions, please!**


	30. Chapter 30

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 30: Need/ New style for Tobias

**A/N:**

"**OH MY JOHNNY DEPP!!!!!" Driven is running around screeching.**

**Mr. Tiny blocks his ears and complains, "Urgh, useless human what's wrong with you!"**

"**I AM UP TO CHAPTER 30!!!!! WOW!!!!! HIFIVES!!!!"**

**She does a really embarrassing victory dance.**

"**Oh yes chapter thirty…" He mocks, "That's almost as much as I've re-planned the universe…almost as much,"**

"**Shut up…."**

"**Oh, that's a great come back! I remember using that one when I killed off the dinosaurs!"**

"**Oh, HA HA! Short one!" she says sarcastically**

"**Quiet you!" **

"**YOU say I have bad comebacks."**

"**Shut up."**

"**Hypocrite…" **

Will, wakes, groggy and tired.

"Where…am I?" He asks a man beside him. He recoils in horror when he sees that what is left of the man is covered in flies, maggots eating him from the inside out. Then he remembers everything, just as a door opens and a slick, musical voice echoes over his ears, "William…I'm sorry…come out now…there's a nice hot bath waiting for you, I'm sure you want to rid your skin of the stench of death."

Will jumps at the chance of escape and runs through the door.

The vampire smiles fangs gleaming but with no intention of harm, "My, Will you have the death smell on you more than I do, and that's saying something."

"You tried to kill me, monster…" Will shakes in fear.

The man reaches out and touches his shoulder, "William, I'm not a monster, we'll talk later…bathroom is third door on the right of the big hall, you know where?"

He nods.

"Good, of you go."

Will does as he's told, he does stink pretty badly.

He reaches the bathroom and strips his clothes off. He sinks into the bathtub of hot water, it scorches his skin, steam blurring his vision. Will breathes deeply as he run a cloth over his face. "What the fuck am I doing…what have I gotten into?"

Someone replies, The thing you've gotten into isn't as bad as the one you got out of. I'll help, it's just taking some time."

Will jumps up in fear then back down into the tub, cowering, "GET OUT!!!!"

"No, I wish to speak with you."

"While I'm naked?"

"Well…do you really have a problem with it?" The man raises his eyebrows.

Will eyes force themselves over the man and he blushes.

The man smirks, "I thought not, for the record, however, I have no sexual attraction to you…just a mere interest…"

"Sure…" Will dips his head down into the tub.

The man isn't so sure actually. He smiles at Will dunking his head and looks at his arched back and smooth skin, shaking himself back to sensibility, he continues, "I need you Will, to help the vampires…I want you to become one."

Will runs the cloth over his arm and frowns, "No…never…I don't even know your name. This is ridiculous, no way."

The man watches the water drip over Will's skin, "Do you want to go back to the street, you fool?!"

Will stutters, "Can't I just stay here with you, as a human?"

"No."

Will finishes his bath in silence.

He gets out of the bathtub, not bothering to pull the plug. Naked, Will walks over and grabs a towel, fully aware of the vampire's eyes raking him.

Just as he is about to grab his clothes, the vampire tackles him, back to the bathtub, in one swift motion.

"Argh...what are you doi---" Will cries as the vampires teeth graze over his neck, threatening to break the skin.

"Little, human…Will, so alive…" The vampire whispers, "Have no fear, I'm not turning you yet…"

Will tries to protest and has to metaphorically kick himself when he hears a sound of pleasure escape his lips as the vampire's tongue runs over his neck.

They're both sinking lower, getting wet, Will: undressed and struggling.

The vampire presses his lips firmly to Will's neck.

"No! I want to be human, I don't…" Will begins before realising that the man is kissing him, hard, and sucking on his skin.

"Will….I'm sorry…you'll be like me one day and I won't feel so guilty for doing this," The man wraps his arms around Will's back and kisses his lips.

Will isn't sure what to make of this, he isn't sure if he likes it or not…

The vampire moves his lips back to Will's neck, licking and kissing him, hands running down his dripping back.

Will moans, softly as the man's hands squeeze around his shoulder blades and his tongue slips along his jaw.

"Promise, me, William…you won't leave…"

Will gasps, "I…oohh…I won't…" He closes his eyes.

"Yes, you will….they always lie…really promise, William. You can't leave me now I've got you…you can't, I won't let you."

Will catches his breath and mutters, "Tell me your name and I'll promise…."

The man half, breaks away, "Just promise, William."

Will bites his lip, confused, "I promise."

The vampire's lips turn to a smile, or is it a smirk?

Will pulls him down…right into the water.

The human feels himself blushing as the vampire runs his hand over his leg. Will rakes his hands through the vampire's smooth, white, blonde hair.

Clutching harder, each time the vampire kisses him. Will feels lips, roam down his chest down to his stomach, sucking at the skin, leaving little bruises, purple memories of pain and need.

"Will, my little human…your heart beats next to mine….let me make it eternal…please, Will," The vampire blows on his stomach, threatening to go lower.

"More…please…. PLEASE!" Will, screams as the vampire licks around his navel.

"No…Will…not yet." The vampire breaks away and gets up. Without even looking back, he walks out, leaving the gay boy, lying in a soapy bathtub, body tingling, in want, completely bewildered.

SCENE CHANGE TO LOVETT PUDDLE!!!!!!

_Where is he? He hasn't visited today…I miss him…maybe soon he'll just casually walk by…maybe, or maybe he'll spend the entire day within his parlour, stroking those infernal razors! _

_Lord, I hate you…more than anything…which is why I love you, damned, sexy barber. I can't do much as a puddle; how the bloody hell do I go back to normal? _

All of a sudden a voice whispers to her: (It's not Lucy, don't worry :P)

"Use the force…"

_The bloody force? I'm not fucking Yoda!!!! I CAN'T USE THE FORCE!!!!!_

SCENE CHANGE TO PARLOUR!!!!!

SEX!!!!!!! (Just making sure I had your attention! :D READ ON!!!)

Johanna has brushed out her hair and is sitting on the barber chair, father behind her holding a new device, scissors.

"Just show me a technique…" Johanna says nervously.

Her father sighs, and pulls a few pieces of her hair around to her line of vision so she can see, "Hold the scissors like…this…and just trim…along…here…very carefully. You see?"

"Like this?" She takes the scissors and her hair. Slowly the girl slips the blades through her hair, trimming off the ends.

"Yes…that's it," He smiles.

"Am I hired?" She laughs.

He pats her back, "You're hired,"

SCENE CHANGE TO QUEENIE'S ROOM!!!!

"Stupid, Toby!" She throws a rubber ball against her wall and catches it and throws it again, repeating the pattern.

"Stupid, spiky hair, cute smirk…big brown eyes! Stupid, fucking, cute pommy accent…fucking…voice! ARGH!!!! I HATE HIM!!!!!!"

She jumps up as she hears a knock at her door, "Ah! Come in…."

Toby walks in wearing a hurt expression. "Queenie…I wanted to talk to you…" He sits on her bed next to her.

She frowns, "What?!"

"I'm sorry…" he bites his lip, nervous.

"For what?"

"What you said…before…"

"Wait…you're apologising for something I did?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Yes,"

"Why?"

"Because you won't do it…so I will! Did you mean what you said…really, Queenie?" His eyes frown and he glances around.

She watches his eyes moving and thinks for a moment, "I'm not sure…well, you don't stink or smell bad, so I suppose the soap thing was over-the-top. Seriously, though, Toby…you look ridiculous…What are you wearing!? STAND UP!" She pushes him up and examines his 'clothes'.

"Okay…" She begins, "These pants are sooo 19th century! This vest and shirt are ridiculous and this jacket smells like mothballs!"

"So…" Toby blushes.

"Imma fix this, Toby, Imma fix this! DRIVENBYREVENGE, HELP!!!!!"

Driven appears, "Yeah, what do you want? I'm needed back in the Author's Notes,"

Queenie grins evilly, "Can you take me back to our time so I can get some trippy, awesome…clothes for him," she nods at Toby.

"Uh…OKAY!" Driven smiles.

"How do we leave?" Queenie stutters.

"George." Driven leads her friend to the outside staircase and picks up George, the flying carpet.

"Let's go!" Queenie and driven get on the mat and fly of into the distance.

Meanwhile Toby is still in Queenie's room, bored already.

SCENE CHANGE TO VAMPIRE'S HOUSE

Will shakes himself off as he climbs from the bathtub, still confused and a little scared. He dries off and dresses, then carefully tiptoes to his room. He drops onto his bed and smells something…what is it? Cookies. A plate of cookies is steaming happily at the end oh his bed. He gets up and takes one, slowly he puts it to his mouth, he chews, trying to figure out the flavour, he can't tell.

Is it chocolate? No.

Hazelnut? No

Is it vanilla? No

What is it…?

It's beautiful anyway…sweet and smooth, but wonderfully creamy, he reaches for another and eats it as well, enjoying the mysterious deliciousness of each bite. In a matter of minutes there are only three cookies left and Will is satisfied, he goes to sleep.

The vampire watches through the window…as Will sleeps.

"William, I'm sorry but I need you…I shouldn't take advantage of you…but your mine now, my little living breathing human with blood pumping through those veins…but soon that'll change, when I turn you to the right side. I love you, William, my pet…"

The vampire sighs as he thinks back on the past few weeks, "I'm so sorry, little William, all will be just fine soon enough…I'll even tell you my name, soon, my little human…." He leaves.

**A/N: Driven and Queenie are chillaxin' at the warehouse.**

**Charlie walks over, on his back is Robina, brandishing a buenananana she yells, "France was victorious and I have returned!"**

"**YAY! Robina!"**

**Robina jumps down and the two of them do a victory dance. (the second one that driven's done :D)**

"**Let's work!" Queenie yells, "The Clothes, driven!"**

"**Ah yes, come over here to my endless clothing supply for all ages and genders!" The three of them wander over to a wardrobe that's bigger than your yard, yes YOUR yard.**

**Queenie pulls a pair of grey, skinny jeans from a shelf, "These are hot, let's get these!"**

"**Add 'em in," driven nods to the basket in her hand.**

"**Buenanananana!" Robina says.**

"**No, he cannot wear a banana…" Driven sighs, "Oh, this is awesome!" She waves a Bam Margera shirt, complete with neon blue and green heartagrams.**

"**Yes!" Queenie grins, "Oh…and this!" She's holding a baseball cap, with the 'Fox'™ logo on it.**

"**Shoes…shoes…shoes," Driven glances around.**

"**Buenanananananananananananananananananananananananana!!!!!" Robina cries.**

"**ROBINA!!!!!! Bananas are not shoes! Shut up!" Driven and Queenie say at the same time.**

"**Buenana…" Robina mutters angrily.**

"**Ooh, hair dye!"" Driven grabs black, blue and green hair dyes.**

"**A straightener!" Queenie throws that into the basket as well.**

"**A buenananana?" Robina holds one up.**

**Driven sighs, "Put it in…."**

**Queenie yells, "WHAT?!"**

"**Just to shut her up…" Driven whispers as the buenananana queen puts a few Buenanananas in the basket.**

"**He could wear gumboots…" Des suggests, pointing at his own feet.**

"**Just because you have a fascination with weird items does not mean we do…now go play with a rock, or something…actually, wait! DISCLAIM!" Driven restrains Robina from putting any more fruit in the basket.**

"**Driven owns nothing…except her stupid opinions about me…" Mr. Tiny growls.**

**First: I want to say thankyou to everyone who has reviewed, read etc. You are the people who I write for, and you make me think I'm actually good at this :D I cannot believe that I've done 30 chapters, wow! I will not be posting 31 until I have 60 reviews. Review, please, everyone. YOU THERE, reading this sentence…I mean it…REVIEW!!**

**Until then,**

**-driven**


	31. Chapter 31

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 31: Cue Dangerous Music

**A/N: Thankyou, everyone, who reviewed! 60 reviews: YEAH! YOU GUYS ROCK THIS PARTY!**

**Beware: SEX SCENE AHEAD. (Not overly graphic) Just to freak out Robina some more after her astonishment at the last chapter! Love Ya, L.B! (Lady Buenanana) :P**

**Mr. Tiny is still lingering around the three girls. He is holding a rock.**

"**Ooooh…a rock….what's its name?" Driven smirks with more sarcasm than Gerard Way when he's trying to convince everyone that he's 'okay'.**

"**Rocky," Mr. Tiny says seriously.**

"**Shoes, driven, wake up!" Queenie yells, "We need SHOES FOR TOBY!"**

"**Okay…uh…I don't know grab a pair of Converses or something…." Driven turns back to Desmond.**

**Queenie grabs a pair of black converses with Short Stack lyrics printed over them.**

"**Disclaim, meddler." Driven sighs.**

"**Drivenbyrevenge owns---"He begins.**

"**WAIT!" Robina interrupts, "I came back so I could disclaim and now this idiot has taken my job…WHAT THE BUENANA?"**

"**Great…I went all that time with NO disclaimer and now I have TWO!"**

**Just at that moment Jasper's Future Wife (Jas) Appears dragging a wagon with a fridge in it.**

"**Driven! I got you a disclaimer, you can BORROW Dimitri!" **

"**That's a fridge…." Driven raises one eyebrow.**

"**Urgh…idiot…he's in the fridge…." She opens it and a very annoyed looking Dimitri is standing inside. **

**He steps out, "So….is this the one I'm going to Disclaim for?"**

**Jas grins, "Yep…Buh-bye!" She disappears.**

"**Make that THREE Disclaimers…." Driven sighs, "DISCLAIM!"**

"**Drivenbyrevenge owns nothing!" Robina, Mr. Tiny and Dimitri all say in unison.**

Johanna is sitting downstairs with Anthony.

"Ant…I was wondering…do you think Nell was right about that tumour?" She bites her lip.

"I have no doubt," He says, rather pessimistically.

She hugs him, "No…you cannot die…Ant….We haven't even gotten married yet…"

"That reminds me," He breaks away from her and forages in his jacket, he pulls out the ring she gave back to him months ago.

"Oh…" She trembles.

He holds her hand out and slides the ring back onto her hand, "I love you Johanna…more than anything…please, tell me you'll marry me…THIS TIME,"

She smiles, "I'll marry you Anthony. I love you…too much to NOT marry you,"

He smiles back.

"I know that you don't really want to talk about it but, I do actually think Nell was right about the eyebrow tumour…but I don't want to die…obviously….so I don't know what to do….should we just go ahead and plan the wedding?" Anthony stutters.

Johanna smiles, "Definitely."

Anthony squeezes his fiancé's hand.

****** SCENE CHANGE TO LOVETT PUDDLE*****

_Okay…somehow…I have to get my body back…but first…I have to get out of this jar…_

"Use…the force, you will."

_I'm going to ignore that voice…Okay…on 3 I'll push this jar off the shelf…1…2…3! _

The jar falls to the ground and smashes into shards.

_YES! Perfect, I'm free… now how do I get back to normal?_

Suddenly Drivenbyrevenge appears. "You stupid woman," She sprinkles pineapllle dust over the puddle and disappears again.

Slowly Mrs. Lovett takes shape, the puddle moulds back into a body and Mrs. Lovett is reborn.

"OH YEAH….100000 points for NELLIE!" Nellie laughs, and goes to see Mr. T

*******SCENE CHANGE TO THE PARLOUR*****

Sweeney is putting his razor back in the box and washing his hands of the blood of the man whose fate he just sealed: Death by razor….straight into a PIE!

He does a double take when he sees the baker at his door, with way too much enthusiasm, he runs to the door and pulls her in, "Mrs. Lovett!"

"Yes, Mr. T?" She smirks.

He hugs her, "Don't ever, ever, ever do that again. Nellie, please,"

"What….? Say Mer---" She threatens.

"Don't say it!" He interrupts and presses his lips against hers.

Nellie almost faints, she's just spent weeks as a puddle and now she's being kissed by what has to be the sexiest barber on the planet…it's not quite 'I love you' but it'll do for now.

He almost falls into his chair. He pulls her down with him and holds her close to his chest like a prize.

"Mr. Todd…you're over reacting, a little, I was just a puddle." She laughs.

"You can't do this to a puddle…" He whispers as he kisses along her collar bone.

She shivers and runs her hand around his back.

"Nellie…my, Nellie…." He stammers.

"Sweeney…where's Johanna and Anthony and Toby and Queenie?"

"Johanna and Anthony are downstairs talking, Toby is at the markets and Queenie flew away on a flying carpet…that one you used…"

"Okay…so no-one's around…no-one can see or hear us…" Nellie kisses him.

"So?" The barber, although extremely good looking, is completely oblivious.

"You…know…" She whispers, as he runs his hand down her neck.

He shakes his head.

"It didn't need explaining last time…" She whispers to herself then looks at him, "Okay…fine…" She stands up.

"Where are you going?" He gasps.

"Obviously you don't need me…" She smirks.

"Nellie wait!" He stands up.

"What…something wrong Mr. T?" She almost laughs at the look on his face as she slides the hairclip out of her hair letting her auburn mane tumble over her shoulders. She unties the ribbon around her waist and slips the dress off. Mr. Todd's expression is priceless as he watches. She peels her shoes and underwear off as well. Naked, in front of him she laughs, "Understand, now, Mr. Todd?"

"Uh—huh…" He nods and steps forward, already undressing. As he pulls his pants off she strips him of his jacket, and shirt.

The two naked demons clutch at each other whispering the other's name to the air.

"Nellie, now, please…" Sweeney cares not to waste time and pulls the baker down to the cool floorboards.

She wraps her legs around him as she feels his cock against her, sliding into her quickly and smoothly, "Oh…GOD, SWEENEY! Yes….now! Harder….ohh…God!"

He is able to keep a better control of himself as he enters her again and again, "Nellie…Oh….Nellie…"

She kisses him and then gazes into his black pools of eyes, him still rising up and down and sliding in and out of her, going deeper each time.

"ARGH, NELLIE, OH GOD!" Sweeney feels his breath came out shakily as he feels Nellie's chest convulsing against the hard muscles on his.

"Sweeney….I love you..." Nellie stutters.

He presses her up against himself, firmly. He rakes his hands down her creamy, white back and around her hips. Nellie moans again as she feels his hands squeeze around her ass. Her hands wrap around his shoulders and she grips on to them fiercely as he speeds up as if trying to bury himself inside of her.

"Mr. Todd, OH! GOD, yes, yes, SWEENEY!" She screams in pleasure as she feels all her dreams become reality as he comes inside her.

"Nell…oh…God…." He moans as they climax in unison and relax, breathing hard.

"Sweeney…oh, Sweeney…" Nellie whimpers, her legs still wrapped around him as she runs her fingers over his chest, "Now, please…say it…say you love me,"

"Nellie…" he buries his lips in the skin on her breast and kisses it.

"Yes, Sweeney?" She looks at him, hopefully, gasping at the touch of his lips.

"You…you smell like…" He thinks for a moment, "Pineapple…."

****SCENE CHANGE TO JOHANNA AND ANTHONY DOWNSTAIRS*****

Johanna is furiously writing a guest list for the wedding, "It'll be small… just Us, Father, Nell, Toby, Queenie, Penny Macintosh, uh…who else is there?"

"Oh…maybe, driven would like to come?"

"Who?"

"Drivenbyrevenge, she could be a special guest…she's the one who kidnapped me…"

"Oh…alright why not!" Johanna writes driven's name down.

Driven appears and giggles deviously, "Put: Me, Robina, Dimitri, The Three Unicorns, The Max Ride Flock, Mr. Tiny, Rocky the Rock, Jasper's Future Wife, Acro Princess, Bio Hazrd 23, Super Snuffles, Not so Perfect Wizard, The Dreaming Demon, Rossie94, JDLuvaSQEE, SlytherinPrincess2359, Lovett-Lestrange666, Fishy the Awesome Hahaha, CaptainFlyingSparrow,…I think that's it….BYE!"

She disappears and Johanna writes down all of the previously mentioned names.

"So much for a quiet wedding!" Anthony shakes his head.

Johanna just laughs.

******SCENE CHANGE TO TOBY AT THE MARKETS******

Toby is packing up his things and going home.

The sun is beginning to dip down into the horizon.

"Okay….Rugs…check, blankets…check, money…check…Okay," He piles the things onto Marge's back and slowly leads them home.

Just as he walks into the outside area of the Pie shop Toby sees to girls on a rug crashing down, quickly.

"AAAAAH! MAYDAY, MAYDAY! WE ARE LANDING!" Queenie shouts.

Driven stays calm and pretends to talk into a radio, "Buzzzz, Attention, passengers, we have reached our final destination, please undo your seatbelts and wait until the carpet has come to a complete stop to leave your seats…Buzzz!"

Toby screams as the carpet hits him and knocks him down, making Marge jump and scatter everything.

Queenie jumps from the mustard rug and hugs Toby, "Oh...I missed you, you foul smelling boy!" She jokes.

"Sorry to ruin the moment but let's get started!" Driven and Queenie watch Toby gather his things up and the three of them go inside.

Queenie takes the basket of clothing etc, "We'll use my room, okay?"

"Yep!" Driven and Toby and Queenie go to Queenie's room.

They force Toby into a chair and Queenie runs a cloth over his grimy face as Driven searches fro a place to plug in the hair straightener.

"What are you…doing!" Toby squirms.

"Improving you…stay still! Oh and Driven this is the 19th century you ain't gonna find no power point!" Queenie laughs.

Driven sprinkles pineapple dust against a wall and a power point appears, "If you say so!" She replies and plugs the straightener in to warm up.

The girls brush out Toby's matted hair and Driven starts to mix up the black dye. She spreads it through his hair. While Queenie prepares the blue and green dyes. After a while Toby is sitting has three different colours in his hair.

Driven looks at the heart shape watch she stole from Mr. Tiny and says, "Okay, that's been ages, go have a shower and come back to us."

Toby sighs and goes off to the downstairs shower.

Queenie lays out the clothes on her bed and driven checks the temperature of the straightener, burning herself in the process, because she's no good with those types of things.

Toby gets out of the shower and putting underwear on and wrapping a towel around his waist walks back upstairs.

"Woah! That was fast!" Queenie says.

"It's because he's a guy," Driven rubs at the burn on her hand.

"Okay…Toby, put these clothes on, those jeans, that shirt…those shoes there and yell out when you're done." Queenie and driven walk out of the room and wait for Toby to get dressed.

Toby dries off and pulls the shirt on, it's very bright. He looks at the pants…bewildered.

The girls hear struggling cries as Toby puts the jeans on and they can't help but laugh, knowing that it's the pants he's struggling with.

Eventually Toby conquers the out fit and is ready, "Come in!"

The girls walk in and Queenie giggle at Toby's pants, "Well…they are TIGHT," Driven hi fives her and they burst out laughing.

"GET ON WITH IT!" Toby cries.

"Okay, Queenie get the straightener." Driven starts to brush Toby's hair and Queenie straightens it.

"Ah! That's Hot!" Toby yells as the straightener scalds his ear.

"Sorry…" Queenie says sarcastically as they finish with his hair.

"We're done!" Queenie smiles at Toby's hair. Black, an electric blue fringe and neon green tints through the back.

"Not quite…" Driven pulls out scissors and Toby watches as she creates him a side fringe, "Now…we are done!"

Queenie sticks the baseball cap on his head and Toby stands up.

"Wow…" Says Queenie, "I would sooo date that!"

Driven laughs, "It's hard to take you seriously when you've got Sway, Sway Baby written on your foot!" she points to Toby's shoes

"Hahahaha! This side says 'I'm comin' home'!"

Toby ignores them.

"Something's…..missing…." Driven frowns.

"I know!" Queenie forages through her pile of clothing she came I before Nellie forced her into a dress. She pulls out a jacket, with a Short Stack skull on the back. She gives it to Toby and he puts it on.

Toby looks at the jacket, "Isn't this a girls' jacket?"

"No." Queenie lies, "It's a Short Stack jacket!"

"What's Short Stack?" Toby frowns.

"Queenie's favourite band…they're okayish." Driven explains.

"OKAYISH? WHATEVER they are soooooooo awesome!"

"Whatever…see ya!" Driven disappears.

******SCENE CHANGE TO VAMPIRE'S HOUSE*****

Will is sitting at a table across from the vampire.

"Will, we must talk."

"We need more than to talk!" Will back chats and gets a slap across the face for his efforts.

"William…be mature about this…I still want you to become a vampire." The man grits his fangs.

"And I still want to know your name." Will presses.

"Alright…" The vampire sighs, "My name is……"

CUE DANGEROUS MUSIC

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CLIFF-HANGER!**

**Driven is too tired too write proper Author's Note so she just sits there for an hour watching Mr. Tiny talk to Rocky the Rock. She is on her computer so she quickly checks out Fang's Blog where she leaves wedding invitations for Maximum, Fang, Gazzy, Iggy, Angel, Nudge, Total and Celeste. **

"**Yes, Rocky…we'll get back my watch and then we'll dump driven in the lake of souls for all eternity while I re-plan my universe again." Mr. Tiny mumbles to the rock.**

**Driven ignores him and picks up Robina's buenana phone and calls Jasper's Future Wife, Acro Princess, Bio Hazrd 23, Super Snuffles, Not so Perfect Wizard, The Dreaming Demon, Rossie94, JDLuvaSQEE, SlytherinPrincess2359, Lovett-Lestrange666, Fishy the Awesome Hahaha and CaptainFlyingSparrow to invite them to the wedding as well!**

**Vote in my poll to decide who dies!**


	32. Chapter 32

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 32: Anthony's Habit Strikes Again

**A/N: This is set, basically straight after the last chap. :D**

**Driven is flying around screaming, "YAY! JOHNNY DEPP!"**

**Fishy the awesome ha ha ha appears, "We get it, driven you like him..."**

**Robina walks up and rolls her eyes, "Let's just sing the song already!"**

**A stage appears and the three of them get up onto it, each holding a microphone. **

"**Unicorns, I need a beat!" Fishy says and the unicorns trot over and stamp their hooves to make a beat.**

"**Mr. Belikov, use this!"Robina throws an electric guitar at Dimitri. He grabs it and plays along with the unicorns.**

**A cow moos nearby and walks over. It has bling all over its neck.**

**Driven looks around deviously, "1...2...3...4!"**

**All three of them sing to the tune of Sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows, "Sunshine, Lollipops and Pineapples, Gerard Way and Paris Hilton, JOHNNY DEPP and Jensen Ackles...are all having group sex...at my house tonight! Alvin and the chipmunks, cupcakes with yellow icing, Fishy, Bling Cow, Robina and Driven, went to NARNIA! Niki rode a dragon, over the volcano, then it died and so did she so...Let's all party!"**

**Mr Tiny sneers, "Childish, stupid activity..."**

**Driven gets down and laughs, "So is collecting Bottle Tops!"**

Will shakes in anticipation and the vampire opens his mouth, "My name is...Sevastian Morgistior, but you will call me Arctis Le Murvin."

Will chanced himself at being a smart ass, "Do I call you that because Sevastian Morgistior is too ridiculous?"

"No William..."

"So...Arctis..."Will laughs nervously.

"This is no first name basis, Will. You'll call me Mr Le Murvin or Sir."

"Yes Mr Le Murvin..."He sniggers.

A knock rung through the house.

"Wait here, boy," Arctis gets up and sweeps out of the room.

Will inhales. _Sevastian...Morgistior...Morgistior...sounds like abattoir...weird._

He straightens the mint green scarf he'd found in his room and waits.

Sooner rather than later, two sets of footsteps echo along the corridor. Arctis and a man much taller stand before Will. His skin is dark, his eyes grey and his hair is thick, dark and curly. He has a mysterious look about him. He turns to Arctis and speaks in a deep voice, "Sevastian, is this him? The one that was foreseen? THE PROPHET?"

Arctis nods, proudly, "Yes, Razith, it is..."

The man, Razith, kneels before Will, "Oh...prophet, sent by the Gods...lead us onward..." Will interrupts by jumping up.

"What's going on? I'm no prophet!" He kicked Razith when he clung to his ankles.

Razith jumps up and hisses, showing fangs. Will gasps at the sight. Arctis's fangs are pristine and white, these are a haunting ivory with ingrained flecks of red on the tips.

"This is not a prophet, this is a demon!"Cries Razith. 

Arctis tries to calm the other vampire, "No, I tested him, he's the prophet, it's certain."

Will frowns and backs off.

Razith sneers, "This thing, is not our saviour, he is a pussycat!"

Will felt himself crash against the floor as Razith leaped on him and bend his head for a better look at his neck. Shadows danced around the edges of his vision as Will felt himself drift. Pain edged in as he felt the foreboding burst of his skin when Razith pushed his fangs through. He thought it was over, for him, that he was destined to die on a floor to the hands of a vampire. But then Arctis leaped onto Razith and, with a throaty roar, pulled him off. Will put his hand to his neck, a slight, sticky trickle turned his fingers red. He watched Razith and Arctis. They both stooped somewhat and circle each other. Razith's eyes seemed to turn red, Arctis bared his fangs like a hungry wolf and they both made low growls at each other. They continued to circle but then Arctis jumped, pinning Razith to the ground. Arctis' voice was like one that Will had never heard before, demonic, hellish, "You WILL NOT INSULT ME OR MY WARD! Whether or not he is the prophet does not concern you!" will Then a great snap filled the air as Razith's head went limp and Arctis clambered off of him.

Will fainted.

SCENE CHANGE TO YE OLDE PARLOUR!

Sweeney is back in one of his moods. He's just finished polishing his razors, and Mrs. Lovett's dressed now but she's still sitting on his bed!

"Can I help you?" He looks up at her.

She smiles, confused, "Uh...no, dear, I was just sittin' here wonderin' if I could do any thing for you..." She thinks up a quick answer, wondering why his mood had changed so quickly. She was sure that less than an hour ago he'd been at the best she'd ever seen him, even smiling a little but now, he'd gone all shadowy again.

"Uh, no, I don't think there is," He frowned and walked over.

She stood up and draped her arms around his neck, "Mr. T, surely there's somethin' you wanna say?" She pressed, desperate to hear the words.

"Like what?" He didn't respond to her putting her arms around him.

"I love you..." She whispered down to his feet.

"I know you do..." He slowly slips his arms around her waist and her eyes light up.

"Nellie...I'm sorry..." He mumbles.

She shifts her head to his shoulder and sighs, "I love you, so much...I waited for you, for...so long..." She's almost crying.

Mr. Todd feels slightly awkward, the last person he comforted like this was Lucy, that was when...when was it? He couldn't remember...

"Mrs. Lovett...I..." He stops.

Nellie lifts her head up, she's crying now. Transparent tears stain her pale face and surround her chocolate eyes, but somewhere inside all of that, there is hope...even Sweeney can see it. It's dull in her but it's still there, begging for the future...and somehow it envelopes Sweeney too.

"I love you...more than anything...more than life...throwing me into the fire just made me love you more!"

Sweeney hesitates, unsure then he kisses her. Nellie feels her ankles falter at the power of his kiss, somehow she thinks that his kisses are better than having sex with him. She kisses him back, suddenly; she doesn't care about anything else, the only thing left is Sweeney Todd and her love for him. She twirls his dark hair through her fingers and he grips her tightly, almost lifting her from the ground. The feeling he gives is like a drug to her.

He breaks away from her. She feels her mind drift higher just at the sight of his face. Lips, slightly parted, eyes...those eyes...still dark, but somehow more alive, eyebrows arched slightly in a somewhat confused, yet focused expression, hair tousled from where she'd been playing with it, tongue hovering in the middle of his mouth between those...indescribable lips.

"Nellie..."

His voice is like an awakening from her little world and she speaks, "Say, it, say you'll love me forever."

He pulls her closer, kisses her gently and smiles. He runs his hand through her hair, "Nellie, I...I...I love..."

CRASH

Anthony bounds through the door speaking at a hundred kilometres an hour, "Mr. Todd, the wedding is soon! Very soon, and I'd like your opinion on venue and...have I interrupted something?"He drily noted the somewhat broken expression on Nellie's face.

"Nothing..."She said shakily as Mr. Todd broke away from her, emotionlessly.

"Show me, downstairs."Mr. Todd didn't look at Nellie as he walked out of the parlour with Anthony.

When they were gone, she screamed, louder than ever, "AAAAAAAAARGHHH! Stupid fucking Anthony, with his stupid fucking interruptions!" She started crying again and threw herself on the bed sobbing, "He was going to say it...he really meant it... "

SCENE CHANGE TO QUEENIE'S ROOM

"So..."Toby begins.

Queenie frowns, "You, look...cool," She tries.

"No...It's not overly cool..."

She interrupts, "I meant you look good."

"Oh...okay..."He looks around, nervously.

She steps forward.

"Uh...I've never had a girlfriend, before...and I was thinking..."He stutters.

She kisses him, answering his question before he asked it.

SCENE CHANGE TO ANTHONY AND JOHANNA IN YE OLDE SITTING ROOM! (yes that's right, 'ye olde'.)

"Father..."Johanna hugs him, as though she hasn't seen him for an age.

He smiles, slightly and sits with them.

"We want these people, there so the church will have to be big enough." Anthony shows Mr. Todd the list.

"Okay..." He raises his eyebrow.

"Well, daddy, do you think pink flowers or yellow?"Johanna laughed.

"Yellow," He says vaguely, "Like your hair..."

Anthony hums the words: Buried sweetly in your yellow hair.

"Now...I was thinking that the dress should have long sleeves but Anthony thought puffed ones. What do you say?"

"You could use Lucy's..."He said vaguely.

SCENE CHANGE TO YE OLDE PARLOUR!

Mrs. Lovett peels herself from the bed and wipes sticky tears from her eyes.

"This is it," She tidies herself up before the mirror, "Now, or never, he's got to give...I'll make him." She looks at her self...she's somewhat tidier. Nellie sighs and begins plotting her master plan. 

**A/N: Jasper's Future Wife walks in, "Hey, I'm here for the fridge...and Dimitri."**

**Driven wheels Dimitri in the fridge to Jas and she nods in a silent thank you. Jas hugs driven and Fishy runs forth, "Can I have a hug?" Jas slaps her across the head.**

"**Bye!"She disappears.**

"**Great now I can have my job back! As your disclaimer!" Robina flies up, does a flip and lands back to the ground.**

"**Yeah, whatever," Driven ignores her.**

"**Bitch," Robina mumbles.**

**Fishy rolls her eyes as Driven flips out her Dsi and starts playing Pokémon heart gold.**

**Driven beckons Robina, "You, you think you're so great...help me! How do I catch Mewtwo?"**

**Robina shakes her head, "Okay..fly...here...good...now how many Ultra Balls you got?"**

"**Thirty."**

"**Uh...yeah, get about fifty more."**

**Driven does so.**

"**What now?"She asks.**

**Robina says, "uh...go up there, through here...surf now."**

"**SURF?"Driven groans and uses it. (Sorry if you don't play pokemon but meh).**

"**Go into the cave, there."Robina says.**

**Driven does so, "AARGH! OMJD! You didn't tell me it was pitch black in there!" She turns her Dsi off.**

"**Yeah, You'll need flash for that. Did I forget to tell you?"Robina giggles.**

**Driven rolls her eyes and summons Pikachu, "Use thunderbolt."**

**The yellow pokemon screeches, "PIKAAAACHUUUU!"The surrounding area turns a blinding yellow and Robina is toasted.**

**Reviews please!**


	33. Chapter 33

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 33: 

**A/N: Robina shakes herself back to normal because she's a magic buenana, "That was cruel and horrible,"**

**Robina just strokes Pikachu, who then disappears.**

**Fishy holds back laughter and says, "So...Jensen Ackles..."**

"**Johnny Depp..."driven agrees.**

**Robina stamps her foot, "Oh good! I'm so sorry for not having a celebrity obsession!"**

"**HA! Pooned!"driven says.**

**Robina looks up, "Pooned?"**

"**Pooned." Fishy nods.**

Dear readers, due to me and my sister being extremely annoyed at the long intermission on a The Sound of Music DVD, I'm taking it out on you!

**INTERMISSION.**

I would like to propose the following titles of plays or poems yet to be written by myself, and or my sister.

The Beadle: A Legacy

The Secret Diary of a Straight Razor.

One Million Reasons Why Johnny Depp is Better than Zac Efron. (part I)

One Million Reasons Why Johnny Depp is Better than Zac Efron. (part II)

Play-Doh, the toy of 1000 uses. (Uses may not be numbered to 1000)

Fred Abberline, an ode.

Tarrant Hightopp, an ode.

Mort Rainey, an ode.

Sweeney Todd, an ode.

Benjamin Barker, an ode.

Roux, an ode.

Edward Scissorhands, an ode.

Willy Wonka, an ode.

Captain Jack Sparrow, an ode.

Fairy Princess Kyia-Belle's secret Meetings with Lord Dashingham.

The Tweedles, brothers in arms.

The Gullufurous journey of Maderterlik Flop.

The Millwitted, Marpy Moo, Meets the Nullskinned Nooby Noo.

**A/N: I do, hope you enjoyed INTERMISSION PART ONE. Cghapters will continue as normal when I'm sick of annoying you :D**

**Fishy is rollerblading around on the frozen lava pool, driven is chillin' in her Deppmobile and Robina is sleeping in her banannannanananananana hammock.**

**Driven yawns, "DISCLAIM."**

**Robina grins, "Driven owns nothing except her uber Intermission!"**

**REVIEWS PLEASE!**


	34. Chapter 34

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 34: Intermission Continues.

**A/N: Driven looks to Robina, she is very thoughtful and taps her friend's shoulder.**

"**Bananana?" Robina asks.**

"**Pineapple, no. I'm bored." Driven says.**

"**!"**

**Robina sticks out her tongue.**

**Driven rolls her eyes, "seriously though. What are we gonna do?**

"**Banananana."**

**Driven shoots her.**

**INTERMISSION**

**THE WAIT GOES ON!**

I shall now make a list of things to do with a single tub of green play-doh, then I shall attempt each one.

Make a rejuvenating face mask.

Results: It fell apart on my face….probably not as rejuvenating as possible but still makeable.

Make a necklace.

Results: MY HAIR IS STUCK! ARGH! FACK FACK FACK!

Eat a tiny, tiny, piece.

Results: OMJD, that was more disgusting than when the zombies vomit on Zombie Land!...verrr-yyyy sallll-tttttyyyy…

Make fake nails.

Results: WHY DID I DO THAT? That didn't work out well…..

Make a cup and drink from it.

Results: ….the water held well, but it was awfully…..eeeeewww.

Attempt to mould the moisture out of the 'cup'.

Results: Very gooey, but very easy.

7. Make a fake moustache.

Results: Very hard to stay on and now my top lip is really itchy : (

8. Put it back into the tub when you're bored.

Results: Very, satisfying.

**A/N: Driven is running around screaming her lungs out like a mad Indian, "WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP! NYAH!"**

**Fishy looks at her, "Huh?"**

"**I'm UBERLY DEPPIC!" Driven screams.**

**Robina, who was not injured by the shooting, rolls her eyes, "Driven owns nothing except, her green play-doh, her Sweeney Todd wall and Johnny Depp."**

**Fishy interrupts, "AND I OWN JENSEN ACKLES! NYAH!"**

**Driven calms down and laughs, "You mean Jemsen Cackles, as of according to Microsoft Word's spell check?"**

**Fishy nods, "OH YEAH!"**

**Both of them then explode, leaving Robina glancing around, nervously, wondering where the unicorns are.**

"**Well….I'm not cleanin' this shit up." She nods down at the guts spewed all over the floor from when Fishy and Driven exploded.**

**Review and you get a free lifetime supply of Green Play-Doh.**

**DISCLAIMER: Promised Play-Doh supply may not actually exist.**


	35. Chapter 35

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 35: Are You Annoyed Yet?

**Robina yawns, and says, "I wonder where, that fish did go…a fish, a fish…a fishy…oooh."**

**Charlie comes over, "Have you seen my kidney?"**

**Robina raises an eyebrow, "I thought you'd found that…"**

"**Nope, that was someone else's kidney."**

"**Damn…"**

"**Yeah. Damn."**

"**So…um, watcha gonna do?"**

"**Uh, I dunno…wait, I guess…"**

"**For the kidney?"**

"**Uh, yeah."**

**INTERMISSION**

**Will it ever end?**

…

…

…

…yes, yes it will….just not yet.

THERE IS STILL TIME FOR A BATHROOM BREAK, FEEL FREE TO POP SOME MORE UNPOPPED POP-CORN!

**A/N: Robina flies up onto Charlie's back, "ONWARD! We are going on a fresh adventure!"**

"**A FRESH adventure…as opposed to a STALE adventure?"**

"**Precisely!"**

**Charlie rolls his eyes as Dana takes out a Banana Cannon and rests it on her shoulder and screams, "NOW, TO THE SECRET SPARE KIDNEY JUNGLE!"**

"**The Secret Spare Kidney….Jungle?"**

"**If we don't find your Kidney before the next blue moon, the evil driads of the palm trees will hunt us down and steal our souls!"**

"**Sure…"**

"**NOW, ONWARD! FOR THE GOOD OF KIDNEYS EVERYWHERE!"**

**With that, they rode out into the dangerous spare kidney jungle!**

**Reviews? Please?**


	36. Chapter 36

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 36: In The Jungle

**A/N: Robina and Charlie stroll through the strange jungle, followed at every corner by strange whispering hisses, Robina sings nervously, Ïn the jungle, the creepy jungle, the kidney sleeps TONNIIIIIIGGGHHHHT. In the JUNGLLLEEE the quiet jungle the KIDNEY SLEEEEPS TOOONIIIIIIIGGGHHHHT!**

**Charlie joins in, "WEEEEEEEEE OH WEEEEEE OH WEEEEE OH WIMBLE WAY!"**

"**All together now!" Robina cries.**

**They both sings loudly, "A wimble weh a wimble weh a wimble weh a wimble weh….oh in the jungle, the KIDNEY JUNGLE THE DRIADS HUNT US DOWN! In the jungle the kidney jungle we fight for our LIIIIIIVES!"**

**INTERMISSION**

Worst Sweeney Fics (No offence intended.) That must be read.

In no particular order.

1. Sweeney Todd and Maria love story. (due to bad grammar, spelling, layout, plot etc etc. Read it for a laugh, I dare ya!)

2. Stewing. (Actually, a good fic, it would just be better if it wasn't a one-shot.)

3. Lucy's Tower. (It's a poem, the idea of it is good but it's not very well written, seems a downright shame, really.)

4. Anything not written by me. (LOL, just kidding, Hi-Five to all the Sweeney writers out their, you guys make a hard thing easy as. =D)

Best Sweeney Fics. That must be read.

1. Anything written by me! =P

**A/N: They stop signing when suddenly something attacks Robina. Charlie is too lazy to see what it is, so he does nothing as it carries her off into the abyss of the kidney jungle.**

**Charlie stares up at the canopy, "I'm all alone….there's no one here beside mmmeeeeeeeee!" **

**Sooo, sick of Intermissions yet?**


	37. Chapter 37

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 37: Shortest Chap EVER!

**A/N: Charlie, walks along, nervously when suddenly something pops out before him! It's a mad hat! Charlie follows the flying mad hat through the jungle, narrowly avoiding several patrolling kidneys, finally, they reach a tower, on top of which Evil Robina is sitting with a pineapple on her head.**

"**For the last time I'm not the pineappllle queen I'm the buenananana queen!"**

**Charlie faints. Then wakes up again.**

**INTERMISSION**

An egg. Laid by hen. Cracked by hand.

**A/N: Suddenly, driven flies down, using her Maximum Ride wings "OH NO! A pineapple in distress! Don't worry I'll save you!" She swoops down and grabs the pineapple and flies off again.**

**The mad Hat croaks and explodes.**

**Robina looks down at Charlie, "Why do I get the feeling that this chapter is pointless?"**

**Charlie dies then comes back to life.**

**:D Fave this fic, if you love Johnny Depp, Fave me as an author if you hate Justin Beiber. Review if you think Johnny Depp's eyes are definitely made of chocolate. Alert this Fic if you're sick of Intermissions! Do all of those things if you were born between 1980 and 1999!**


	38. Chapter 38

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 38: Even I'm Sick of the Intermissions.

**A/N: Everyone does the cancan.**

INTERMISSION

B-B-B-B-Benny and the jetssssssssss!

**A/N: Everyone stops doing the cancan.**


	39. Chapter 39

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 39: Intervention

**A/N: Suddenly, Fishy and Robina ambush driven.**

**Robina ties her up, "We're having an intervention! We don't like your stupid intermissions!"**

"**But I'm lazy!"**

**Fishy puts a hand on her hip, "driven? You have chap ideas right?"**

**Driven nods, in truth, "Yes, but I'm too lazy to write them down!"**

**Fishy holds her still while Robina binds her to a tree, "well, then you'll just have to stay here until evil Dimitri gets you!"**

**Driven screams, "NO! NOT EVIL DIMITRI! ANYTHING BUT EVIL DIMITRI! PLEASE, NO!"**

**Robina sighs, "fine…but you're gonna get pretty damn uncomfortable against that tree! So yeah, take that!"**

**Driven sobs, "But I'm on strike…"**

**Fishy kicks her, "Not anymore!"**

**Robina punches her in the stomach, "Feel that? That's the feeling of buenananananana justice!"**

**Driven moans, "Ow…"**

**Charlie sighs, "This is getting weirder."**

**Robina slaps driven, "What are you gonna stop?"**

**Driven spits at her, "NOTHING!"**

**Fishy jumps up and down, "JENSEN ACKLES!"**

**Robina lifts an eyebrow, "Irrelevant…."**

**Driven sticks out her tongue, "I'm still doing intermissions."**

**Robina pulls her from the ropes, "Fine let's go home and see what happens."**

**She transports them back to the volcano.**

**Robina leads driven over to the massive, platinum door with the sign saying, 'piss off, I'm writing.'**

**Outside, millions of fans dressed as various demon barber is alive characters, including the original ST characters plus Will, and Sevastian, are holding signs, chanting.**

"**Whatta we not want? INTERMISSIONS! When do we not want it? EVER!"**

**Driven rolls her eyes, "Well…how long've they been there?  
**

**Robina frowns, "A...while…"**

**Fishy nods, "Yeah and we don't have the greatest crowd control system," She looks at two giant pineappllllles rolling around outside in vests saying, 'security'.**

**Driven shrugs, "Um...yeah, I've been meaning to do something about that…"**

**Robina smiles, "don't change the subject! Now repeat after me,"**

**She pulls out a watch and waits till driven's eyes are following it, "I will not write anymore intermissions after this one."**

**Driven nods at the watch, "I will not write anymore intermissions after this one."**

**Robina nods, "I will begin to put more effort into my writing."**

**Driven's eyes stay wide, "I will begin to put more effort into my writing."**

"**I respect my readers."**

"**I respect my readers."**

**Robina giggles, "I will give Robina $500," she pulls out a voice recorder and points it at driven.**

**Driven mumbles, "I will give Robina $500."**

**Robina clicks stop on the recorder, "Hehehehe…I will wake up when Robina says buenananana."**

"**I will wake up when Robina says buenananana,"driven follows the watch's swaying.**

**Robina says, "Buenananana!"**

**Driven falls down and gets back up, "Wow, I really should stop these intermissions…"**

**Fishy gives Robina a sceptical look.**

**Robina grins, "Works every time."**

INTERMISSION

YE OLDE FINALÉ!

Different ways to pronounce the name, 'Beranabus.

1. Beranabus.

2. Berrrranabus.

3. Beranabussss.

4. BERanabus.

5. BerANAbus.

6. beranaBUS.

7. BerANNNNNNabus.

8. B-B-B-B-B-BERANABUS!

9. BeranAbus.

10. BeeRaneAbus.

**A/N: Robina claps sarcastically at driven, "Very good, now where's my five hundred buckaroonies?"**

"**huh?"**

"**I believe this might jog your memory!" She pulls out the recorder and plays back driven's voice.**

"**That's not fair,"'driven mumbles pulling the money from her pocket and handing it over.**

"**Hehehe,"Robina grins smugly as she counts it out.**


	40. Chapter 40

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 40:

**A/N: Okay, first a massive thankyou to everyone for sticking it out through the intermissions. I didn't have writer's block, really, I was just too lazy :P**

**Also the review count is over 100 now so thank you so much, reviewers! You guys make this worthwhile!**

**Also I realize that this fanfiction seems to be coming to an end, but trust me, it's no-where near done, I'm not even halfway yet, which is why I'm glad it doesn't have an actual plot, it means I can take it anywhere I want.**

**With a massive smash driven's volcano door is smashed down, by the leader of the angry mob, Acro. She's dressed, of course, as Mrs Lovett, but instead of holding a rolling pin she's gripping a fish.**

**Driven rolls her eyes, "You're kidding…"**

**Suddenly, through the crowd screams a silvery, grey wolf, who sits in front of driven, baring sharp fangs. The wolf suddenly transforms into a slim, grey eyed girl, with wolf ears protruding from her silvery hair, SerenityGreyWolf.**

"**Driven," Serenity nods at her and ignores the screaming, rioting crowd, as she flicks off her fingerless, velvet black gloves onto a monkey, who then bows and carries them off.**

"**Where's my blood smoothie?" Serenity sighs.**

**Robina lifts an eyebrow, "Wolves drink blood?"**

**Driven walks away mumbling, "This one does…"**

**In a few moments driven returns, clutching a tall glass with a dark frothy liquid bubbling inside. She hands it to serenity.**

**Fishy looks worried, "Where'd you get the blood from"?**

"**I keep a stash of different types in the fridge," Driven answers as if it was obvious.**

"**Yeah…"Robina purses her lips.**

**Serenity shrugs, takes a sip and swishes it in her mouth. She nods in agreement and swallows it down.**

Nell bites her lip, and forces the rolling pin through the dough for the umpteenth time.

She's being trying to relax all day, but who, would you suppose has been plaguing her mind the whole time? Mr Todd.

She flicks her hair away from her eyes and tries to concentrate…it's no use. It feels like his dark brown eyes are burning into her skull.

Out of impulse she turns around, still holding the rolling pin.

She wasn't imagining things.

Sweeney is standing, smirk decorating his face, eyes running over Nellie.

He gulps, and steps forward, immediately putting his hands around her waist.

"Mr. Todd?" She frowns.

"Hmmm? He strokes the back of her neck and smiles when something that sounds slightly like a moan escapes her lips.

She blinks away a speck of doubt and leans forward, letting his lips press against hers.

Finally, it seems he wants her as much as she wants him.

Sweeney, can't remember why he's kissing her…but he knows it feels right…

He breaks away and brings one of his hands up to her face and strokes her cheek.

Anthony walks in, muttering about turtles.

Sweeney and Nellie break away and Sweeney gives Anthony an evil look and says under his breath, "I've had just about enough of this fucking sailor."

"What was that sir?" Anthony looks up, confused.

"Nothing, Anthony," Sweeney takes a meaningful look at Mrs Lovett and skulks off, probably to polish his razors.

Anthony shakes his head, "Where's Johanna?"

Nell frowns at him, "Haven't the foggiest, love," There's sarcasm in her tone.

He leaves, a few minutes later, in rushes Johanna "Have you seen Anthony?"

"No."

Johanna leaves.

Minutes pass and Toby runs in.

Sarcasm plaguing her mouth Mrs Lovett looks at him, "Ah! A customer, Wait…oh, no, just Toby!"

Queenie walks in.

Toby and Queenie walk out.

Mrs Lovett glances around and screams, "AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

Upstairs Sweeney glides the razor over his glove, polishing it, he hears the scream, flinches a little and continues what he's doing.

Nellie's mind is already ticking, furiously, she'll make Sweeney notice her…and she has a plan for it, too.

It'll take time, she'll have to wait until Johanna and Anthony's wedding to finish, but after a while, things will begin to piece together.

SCENE CHANGE TO QUEENIE AND TOBY!

They're sitting in Queenie's room, an awkward silence floating through the air.

"So….Uh…."Toby watches the floor.

"Yeah…" Queenie nods.

SCENE CHANGETO WILL!

Will and Sevastian are sitting at a glass table, a glass of blood is before the vampire and Will stares down at the most delicious, yet untouched, roast chicken he's ever seen.

They are both silent.

"Will," Sevastian takes a sip of blood.

"Sevastian."

"I've told you not to call me that,"

"It's either your real name or I'll make up one for you…Dorothy."

Sevastian grits his teeth, "Sevastian it is."

"That's what I thought….and now I've got you where I want you, Sevastian, I'm going to get some fucking answers."

Sevastian raises and eyebrow and gulps down the rest of the glass's contents

"Firstly, what the fuck are you?"

"Well, I'd thought that'd be a bit obvious, I'm a vampire."

"No kidding…I mean, is that all? You're not a freakish demon? No magic powers?"

"We all have powers if we look deep enough…everyone, demons, humans, dead, alive, un-dead, everyone."

"Stop answering in fucking riddles!"

"Fine, I am just a vampire, no powers, nothing."

"Next question. What am I doing here?"

"William, stupid boy, you're the prophet." Sevastian smirks.

Will chews his lip, "What did I say about answering in riddles?"

"In case you didn't know, the vampires as we know them are falling, human beings are thriving…but they're becoming harder and harder to catch…You think this shack is amazing? Imagine what I'm about to tell you. Years ago, many years ago, hundreds. Vampires lived like kings in a sea of naïve idiotic humans."

Will listens, intent and Sevastian continues.

"I myself, went out every single night, to theatres, to gala balls…anywhere I wished. Likewise, every night, I would kill, I began to develop a taste for certain blood, the blood of a loiterer….argh…the blood of a whore…something satisfying about that, no-one noticed them gone anyway, the blood of a middle class man, the blood of a small girl, each different, yet each one giving an amazing feeling….the point was that then I could have anything, often it was the desire of travel.

I had, at one point, 22 different houses, all around the world, Places like France, Italy, Spain, Wales, India, China and Japan…I loved places like that…but after a while, humans became smarter, I was lucky to get one every two days, in place of the ten-twenty I'd been devouring nightly.

I am Sevastion Morgistior, once of o the most powerful, respected vampires, now I am nothing, I'm reduced to this. Will, if you'd seen the places I'd once been, the amazing experiences I'd had then you'd know just how ashamed I am of what I've become. I am forced to squat like a poor man, in this dilapidated excuse for a house, I live on blood, still, but not like I used to.

No longer do I feast on the blood of humanity, I'm forced to drink from whoever I can get, the homeless, the poor, rats, cats, anything…I suppose I should be grateful, but…how can I be grateful, when I have the memory of something so much more?"

Will feels himself trembling, "I'm sorry…"

"Never mind, William," Sevastian gets up and walks out of the room.

Will starts to cry.

SCENE CHANGE TO ANTHONY AND JOHANNA IN THE SITTING ROOM!

Anthony and Johanna are on the lounge, before the fire, planning a date for the wedding.

"Well, it's November now…we don't want it to clash with Christmas so our main option is January," Anthony reasons, looking at the fire and taking off his coat, revealing a white, long sleeved, buttoned shirt.

"Or…we could get married soon, this month," Johanna kisses him.

He puts his arms around her, "Yes...we could, do that…if you want to…"

She wraps pale arms around his neck, "I want to be your wife as soon as possible."

"Mmm?" he kisses her smiling.

"What do you think?" She wraps a strand of his hair around her finger and looks at it.

"I want you to be my wife…as soon as possible…" He breathes and kisses her neck.

She laughs, softly.

"Why is that?" She lets go of the hair and smiles as he kisses her neck again.

"Well there's a certain thing I've been waiting to do…for …a while."

"What could that be?" She whispers, already knowing the answer.

He smirks at her, before pulling her onto him, and kissing her again, "Guess."

A sense of longing flicks over her eyes and he feels her wrap one of her legs around him.

Johanna Barker smiles, "I don't have a clue."

Anthony just laughs and stares up at his beautiful fiancé.

She concentrates in thought for a moment, and begins to unbutton his shirt, from the top, button by button until she reaches the bottom. She pulls open the shirt to uncover his pale chest and stomach.

She runs her hands across his chest and kisses him.

Toby opens the door, to see Johanna and Anthony on the lounge…kissing!

He lets out a gasp and Johanna turns and sees him, with a small squeak she jumps up and scurries out of the room.

Anthony gets up and begins buttoning up his shirt. He gives Toby an evil stare.

"Sorry…"Toby runs off.

Anthony rolls his eyes and finishes with the shirt. He puts his jacket back on and goes out into the pie shop and pours himself a glass of gin.

Sweeney, clutching a razor, walks into the shop to see Anthony at the table. _Since when did he drink?_

Figuring he must be in a bad mood Sweeney sits next to him and, feeling extra nice asks, "What's wrong with you, boy?"

Anthony hesitates, "Oh, me…I'm uh…just a little down about…the…weather…"he lies.

Sweeney cocks an eyebrow, "Is that it?"

Anthony nods, "Yes!" _NO! But do you want to hear the truth? What do you want me to say? I was getting jiggy with your daughter and Toby walked in? NO!_

Sweeney purses his lips, "…Alright…"

**A/N: How was that? I'm a little rusty…It's been a while…**

**Serenity finishes her smoothie and tosses it to one of the monkey slaves to.**

**She turns to face the rioting crowd and frowns.**

**Driven looks at her from the back, "WTD? She has a motherfucking tail?"**

**Serenity turns, "Of course I do…"**

**She nods down at the silvery wolf tail and looks back to the angry mob, "Maybe you should do something about them."**

"**Yeah, oi, Robina! Get over 'ere!"**

**Robina flies over, "Sup, pie face!"**

"**Yeah…uh, we need to get rid of them," driven looks at the crowd, who are now setting fire to her Pineappllle throne.**

**Robina nods, and proceeds, twirling a buenanananana in each hand, walking like Ned Kelly at Glen Rowan. **

**Driven face palms herself before nodding at Serenity and pulling out several tiny Pineappllle shaped grenades from her pocket and walking forward.**

"**LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" Robina and driven scream.**

**Robina shoots her buenanananana pistols at people, while driven throws the grenades, aiming to kill.**

**ONE HOUR LATER.**

**Serenity is sitting on the ground watching the raging battle, another blood smoothie at her side and a bowl of popcorn in her lap.**

"**Get him in the face, Robina!" She shouts.**

"**Driven, you idiot what are you doing?"Serenity takes another sip of blood.**

**Driven re-thinks her movements….hhhmmm maybe she shouldn't drop Charlie the unicorn on a talking pie. Talking pie? That could be valuable. **

**She lets go of Charlie who lands in the massive swimming pool, screaming about how he can't breathe underwater, and driven swoops down and picks up the pie.**

"**You saved my life, I am eternally grateful!" The pie squeals with delight.**

"**Yeah, yeah, yeah," Driven puts the pie next to serenity and goes back to the battle.**

**ONE HOUR LATER**

**The battle has died down, the rioters are gone, either dead or run away.**

**Driven claps her hands and 100 monkey butlers come out and fifty begin dragging the bodies away, while the other half re build everything that got destroyed.**

**REVIEWS PLEASE!**


	41. Chapter 41

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 41: Goodnight.

**A/N: So sorry for the wait! I've pulled the muscles in my arm and typing is very difficult with one hand, plus I can't sit up for too long. Enjoy, my minions. : ) This is set about a week later.**

**Driven is flying above everyone holding a megaphone.**

**Robina is watching the monkey butlers, while lying in her banana hammock.**

**Serenity has her legs crossed and is hovering half a metre above the ground.**

**Driven is screaming down at the monkey butlers through the megaphone, "Put my throne a little to the left…no…no, the OTHER left! Now forward a bit! Yes, that's it!"**

**She looks at the two monkey butlers in a cherry picker, one is holding a big disco ball, "Okay pin the disco ball, right….THERE! That's it! You guys," she shouts at some more monkeys, "I want the torture cage moved to that wall….(an hour later after they've got it against the wall…no, no, no, THE OTHER WALL! (one hour later), Yes, that's better!" **

"**Torture cage?" Robina asks, "What do you need that for?"**

"**Never you mind," Driven frowns.**

"**I love lollipops!" Robina replies, enthusiastically.**

"**Uh…yeah…" Driven raises an eyebrow.**

Mrs Lovett smiles as her fifteenth customer for the night, walks in and orders a pie, she hands it over and takes the money before giving him a table number.

She picks up a tray of fresh pies and walks outside, and dusts some more flour off her dress. The tables outside are filling up quickly and Nellie is overwhelmed with joy, that her pies are still the best in London.

Toby is wandering around, jug of ale in hand, followed by Queenie who is writing down orders in a little notebook.

Oil lamps are flickering at the tables lighting up the surroundings and every one is saying how good the pies are.

Nellie puts down a pie in front of a tubby looking man who nods in thanks.

"Enjoy, love," She nods back and walks on.

Sweeney is standing on the balcony, like he usually does when Nell has a lot of customers.

The shiny razor in his hand reflects the silvery light of the moon onto his corpse-like face and lights up his dark eyes as he twirls it around in his hands, humming about 'less honourable throats,'

_Eleanor Lovett, you never cease to amaze. It's been weeks since you've had any more than two customers, and yet, throw on a spangly dress and put up an open sign, scrub down a few tables and your shop is overflowing with life again…I don't know how you do it. I slit their filthy throats and you manage to make my customers into a treat for your customers, who in turn I'll kill anyway, they then become pies, who you serve to more unsuspecting patrons…it's a vicious circle isn't it? One that you manage to make so successful._

He runs his hand through his hair, in deep thought.

Johanna walks outside, apron tied around her waist, holding another tray of pies.

_Johanna, my little sweetheart…you're marrying him…Anthony, and I'm sad about it, I shouldn't be, he saved my life as well as yours and he's a good boy. Still, I feel like I don't know you yet…I waited for fifteen years, just to hold you again…fifteen years in hell under the hot sun, with only the memory of you and your beautiful mother to keep me breathing. The saddest part is that you ARE beautiful and pale with yellow hair, like her, sometimes I wished you wouldn't be, because I knew it'd remind me of her too much, and it does, your just like her, your looks your voice everything, it's horrible that you beauty has to be so painful for me._

Sweeney shakes his head, looks down at his razor and rubs it against his glove.

He walks into his parlour and slumps down on his bed, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling.

Two hours or so later the customers begin to thin out and Mrs Lovett's eyes begin to droop, it's about eleven.

"Toby! Time for bed, wash your face and tuck yourself in, g'night love," She kisses his cheek.

"Night ma'am," He walks off.

"You too, Queenie, thank you for the help, love."

"Yes, Ma'am, your welcome, goodnight." She walks off as well.

After a moment, Nellie yells to Toby, "Toby, dear, what 'ave you done to your 'air?"

"Oh…this…Queenie and Driven dyed it!" He blushes a little and keeps walking.

"Who in bloody hell is driven?" Nellie frowns.

Anthony comes outside, "I told you, she's the creator, the one that kidnapped me!"

"Oh…of course," Nell rolls her eyes and walks inside.

She reaches her room and immediately changes into her yellow nightgown.

With a long sigh, the baker unpins her curls and watches them fall round her well, structured jaw.

She forces a smile at her reflection in the old mirror and says, "Bloody stupid 'air…" She pulls a comb through it, begging it to straighter, with each tug, her hair insistently bounces back up into messy curls.

"Ah well,"She sighs a gain and puts down the comb. She pulls back the covers of her warm bed and lays down.

She blows out the candle on her table and leans across to pull the curtain open.

She loves to watch the moon as she goes to sleep.

SCENE CHANGE!

Johanna and Anthony are laying, under a blanket on the lounge curled up together.

Anthony is tired, "Goodnight, beautiful, I love you," He kisses Johanna.

"Goodnight…I love you too," She strokes his hair as he turns and closes his eyes.

Johanna's eyes dance up to the little window where the moon is floating in the velvet sky. She smiles as she listens to Anthony's breathing get deeper as he falls asleep. She keeps her eyes on the shimmery circle moon.

She loves to watch the moon as she falls asleep.

SCENE CHANGE!

The rest of the house is dark, Sweeney almost feels like he's the last man alive on earth, if he is alive at all…he's not so sure about that. Blurred images of a past life flick over his dark, bewildered eyes and he bites his lip in grief. Clearer images of everything that's happened recently join them, mostly Nellie. He smiles, just a bit…sort of realising what it feels like to move on.

"Goodnight Lucy," He smiles up at the sky and then looks down in the general direction of Nellie's room, "And goodnight, Nellie."

He turns around and stares up at the glowing white light above him.

He loves to watch the moon as he goes to sleep.

**A/N: Well, that was a bit repetitive, wasn't it! Probably the most serious chap I've written in a looooong time!**

**After a long day of screaming at monkey butlers driven flies down to where Robina and Serenity are playing cards, it's not doing very well seeings as Serenity can read minds and Robina cheats .**

"**All right you guys get up! We is goin' out for ze night!" Driven grins.**

**Robina and Serenity get up, Serenity sighs, "It's alright, I've won anyway."**

**Robina heaps the cards into her hands, "Yeah and the winner gets to play an extra game by themselves."**

"**Which is…?" Serenity asks.**

"**FIFTY-TWO PICK UP!" Robina screams and scatters the cards everywhere.**

"**Great…" Driven claps her hands and a monkey butler comes running, "Come on!" **

**She transports them to a nightclub.**

"** please," The bouncer nods at them.**

"**EAT FLAMETHROWER BITCH!" Driven Flames him with the flame thrower that I've forgotten the name of… -checks previous chaps- ah yes, that's it PYRO! She flames him with Pyro!**

**He falls to the ground and they let themselves into the club. The music is pounding and lights flash everywhere.**

**They walk over to the bar and order drinks.**

**Serenity leans over to speak to the bar-tender who is, on the second glance actually a living lawn gnome on stilts.**

"**I'd like some type 0 negative blood at approximately 15-20 degrees Celsius." **

**He passes her a glass of blood and she pays him in shiny coins.**

"**I can't accept this, it's not valid money!" He squeals.**

"**Too bad," She pushes him back and watches him fall over and shatter on the floor.**

**A new bartender walks up to the bar, he looks to be made of purple mist, he's a genie.**

**Robina gives Serenity an evil look and walks over to the genie, "BANANANANANA BANANANNAAAA!" He hands her a Bananana.**

**Driven rolls her eyes and clears her throat, "I would like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat." **

"**Here you go," He pulls one out from uner the counter and gives it too her, she gives it a strange look before taking a bite of the plum, "Echh…why'd I order this shit?" She throws the plum away and drinks the perfume before putting the hat on.**

"**Typical," Serenity takes another sip of blood.**

**Robina nods, "Banananana!"**

**Reviews? -does Puss in Boots Eyes- Please? –Bas eyelashes- you know you wanna!**


	42. Chapter 42

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 42: Sincere Continuation of the Plotline (I Promise) or 

**A/N: They are all back at the volcano, where the monkey butlers have finished their job and are now forming an orderly line in front of driven.**

"**You what do you add to this story?" Driven nods at the first monkey.**

**He trembles, "I know how to check a bananas exact ripeness, I could be Robina's assistant."**

"**Very well," Driven nods.**

**Robina squeals, "YAY! FINALLY I GET A SIDEKICK!" **

**The next monkey steps up. Driven strokes Pyro, "What do you add to this story?"**

"**Ummm….I…" He stutters.**

**Without a second thought, driven flames him, burning him to ashes on the floor, "I hate lazy monkeys…" She mutters, "NOW, WHO'S NEXT?"**

**The next monkey hesitates before stepping up.**

**Serenity walks over, "Surly there must be a better way of getting rid of these monkeys…"**

**Driven shrugs, "Hmmm…not that I can think of!"**

Johanna is in Mrs Lovett's room trying on the wedding dress that her mother had once worn. Its laced white sleeves reach around her elbows, there are white and pink satin bows along the edge of the corset and the shimmery skirt flows down smoothly…it's beautiful.

"It looks perfect, dear…" Mrs Lovett smiles.

"R…really?" Johanna blushes.

"Of course. Sweeney'll love it," Nell watches her twirl around in the dress.

"How long have you been calling him by his first name for? Don't you usually call him Mr Todd?" Johanna frowns.

"Oh…well I suppose...so…" Nell doesn't particularly want to discuss her current relationship status.

"Are you and my father..." Johanna looks at where her feet would be, were they not covered by the dress.

"Are we, what, Love?" Nell bites her lip.

"To…gether…" Johanna runs her hands down the silky ribbons of the corset.

"I don't know," Mrs Lovett answers truthfully.

"Huh?" Johanna brushes a strand of yellow hair from her vision.

"I love him…" Nell chokes out then quickly covers her mouth with her hand in disbelief of what she'd just said.

"I know you do."

"How?" Mrs Lovett nervously dusts off some of the flour that's seemed to become embedded in her dress.

"I can tell, ma'am. The way you look at him…it's obvious."

"I'm sorry…Johanna," Nell feels her lips trembling…it seems she always cries easily…

"What for? It's not your fault. I'll tell Anthony and my father that the dress fits…thankyou…Nellie," Johanna smiles honesty at Nellie.

Nell sits down after Johanna has changed and left.

It seems lately she'd been wishing she could turn into a puddle again. Everything had been so simple. When she was around the house all day Mr Todd treated her like…well nothing…not badly, but he just…ignored her…it seemed that half the time they were having amazing sex and the other half he thought she was a lamp.

She sighs and gets up and walks into the shop. Sweeney, as usual, is sitting with Toby. Both have a glass of gin in front of them. The bottle sits in the middle of the table and the two of them are eyeing it in silence, each daring the other to take some more.

Nell rolls her eye at them and purses her lips at a lump of dough on her bench. She shrugs and picks up her rolling pin. She forces it over the dough watching it flatten.

After a while, after getting sick of her humming about the standard of her pies. Sweeney speaks up, "Mrs Lovett?"

"What love?" She pushes the rolling pin…again.

"Nothin'" He grits his teeth and tips the rest of the gin down his throat. 

**(Now, let's get onto something good, I cannot stand all this SANITY!)**

"When's the weddin'?" Toby's eyes, that were looking through the window at his goat, look up at Nell.

"Soon, buttercup…soon…I think."

"Buttercup?" Toby's eyebrows raise.

Driven appears, "Meh you get what you're given."

Toby frowns, "No…we get what you write for us!"

Driven growls, "STOP ARGUING!"

Toby counters, "Stop writing comebacks for me!"

"AAAARGHHH! FACK!" Driven screams.

"No…not that word again…I've had enough of that word for a lifetime!" Toby whimpers.

"That was partially my fault…and the carpet's…" Nell says.

"No it was HER fault! She WROTE IT!" Toby looks evilly at driven.

"Wha—Wait!" Driven puts her hands up in defence.

The two of them advance on driven, who is backing away quickly. Mr Todd refills his glass and watches, a slight look of interest on his face.

Driven runs out the door, Mrs Lovett's follows brandishing the rolling pin.

Toby searches for a weapon, gives up, runs out side and grabs Marge.

He follows driven and Nell, wielding the goat. Yes that's right. He's running up the street threatening driven by holding up a goat…strange child (see Chap7 for more info on Toby being strange).

Sweeney shrugs.

Driven's magic powers have been drained from her frequent teleportations and her wings don't work so all she can do is run.

She can hear her creations/attackers getting closer…Mrs Lovett screaming about pies, Toby just screaming in general…and a strange bleating…

She keeps running down the dirty old street. Wondering why she decided to write a story set in such a dank place. She reaches the church bells of St Dunstan's. She rests peacefully for a few seconds until the bell ringer polishes off his coffee and starts up again. With Nell, Toby and the goat already appearing over the horizon, driven decides that it is most definitely time for her to get going.

Alas she is not fast enough, just as she turns to run, she is hit, brutally over the head with…a goat?

**A/N: Driven stops herself typing. A goat? Seriously what is she thinking?**

**She hears a crunch in her ear as Robina bites some popcorn, "No, no, no keep goin' this is getting' good!" **

"**You sure…it's not getting too weird is it?" Driven worries.**

"**Nope, it's uber! TYPE!" Robina eats some more popcorn.**

**Driven shrugs and continues.**

(Haha you thought that was the end of the chapter :P)

Sweeney hasn't seen any sign of Toby, Marge, Nellie or that weird, winged girl in a long time. He shrugs and gets up. He walks over to the bench and picks up the spare rolling pin. He pushes it over the dough and doing his best impression of Nellie, sings, while wriggling his hips, "These are probably the WORRSSSSST PIIIIIESSSS IN LOOONDOOOOONNNN!" He picks up an imaginary plate and walks, still wiggling those hips , to the table and puts it down, "If YOU DOUBT IT TAAAKE A BIIITE!"

"I'll take a bite of you in a minute!" Nell opens the door and glares at him as Toby drags the struggling driven inside.

Sheepishly, Sweeney sits down.

"OOOHHH! THAT'S IT! YOU GIVE IT TO 'IM NELL!" Driven yells, "Meoooww!"

"Urgh!" Toby grabs the half full gin bottle and smashes it over driven's head. She goes limp. Unconcious.

With a whimper Sweeney looks at the gin puddle surrounded by glass on the floor. Like a little girl, he starts weeping. The murderer drops to hands and knees and sobs over the puddle, "NOOOOOO! You were so young! I WILL AVENGE YOU!"

"Oh brother…"Nell facepalms herself.

**A/N: Robina looks, somewhat regretfully at the pile of dead monkeys behind her and then relaxes back onto her hammock and sips on her banananana smoothie. **

**Serenity walks up, "So…since I'm new…does that make me the new disclaimer?"**

"**Phft. No."**

"**Well…I should be, I'm a much better character than you, Robina," Serenity swings her tail.**

**Robina jumps up, "NEVERRRR! I CHALLENGETH YE TO A DUELETH!**

**Serenity turns into the incredible hulk, "BRING IT OOONNNNN!"**

**Robina looks at her, "WTF…"**

**Serenity turns back to herself, "Oh…sorry…that happens sometimes…"**

**A/N2: Woah…chapter 42…I'm rather proud :D**

**So, anyone out there like Maximum Ride? Just wondering because I'm starting a maximum ride parody soon. **

**So tell me if you like maximum ride :D **

**REVIEW if you agree that alpacas are just an embarrassing copy of llamas …or you know...if you liked the chapter… =] **

**No more chapters until I get 130 reviews…that's ten more…shouldn't be too hard. **

**Look! DOWN THERE! SEE THAT? IT'S THE 'REVIEW' BUTTON. C'MON…be a REBEL…click it. If you dare…. HA.**


	43. Chapter 43

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 43: A Deal is Done

**A/N: Dedication goes to Acro111, because I was inboxing her when I got the idea.**

**The speed at which you people take to review is appalling, to all who reviews asap, thank you so much! But to people like fishytheawesomehahaha, you disgust me : ) Have a nice day!**

**HERE IT IS: The long awaited…CHAPTER 43!**

**The fact that the talking pie is doing the moonwalk and not being interrupted is due to the other fact: Robina and Serenity (who IS NOT the incredible hulk)are facing off in what Robina would refer to as an –epic battle—**

**They are both on a thin (and I mean THIIINN!) Platform, held up only by four rusty chains, connected to the roof. Below them is a massive tub of sulphuric acid mixed with cabbage…and nooo-bodddyyy likes cabbage! (and no the cabbage is not dissolving, because it's cabbage…it's like roaches…they just won't die!) **

**Swiftly , forgetting that Serenity can float anyway, Robina uses her Maximum Ride wings and flies rights up, between the two chains on the left, only to be flung back to the platform by an invisible force field…put there by someone…possibly the talking pie!**

"**Idiota!" Serenity groans.**

"**NOOOOOO!" Robina rushes forward…a Bananana shaped dagger suddenly appearing in her grasp, "THAT WORD BELONGS TO MEEE AND MAYBE DRIVEN IF I EVER LET HER USE IT BUT THAT'S DIFFERENT!"**

"**DRIVEN'S NOT HERE TO SAVE YOU NOW!" Serenity rolls just as  
Robina stabs with the banana/dagger.**

"**AARRGGHHH EAT BANANANA!" Robina lunges the dagger through Serenity's mouth…strangely enough the dagger turns to a REAL banana.**

"**Mm, not bad...but now I kill you!" Serenity turns into a wolf and then pounces upon Robina, Clawing at her face.**

**Robina shoves her off and takes out a golden sword. Waving it maniacally she chases Serenity around the platform.**

**Swinging her whole body around and high kicking Robina around the jaw, Serenity screams out, "IN THE NAME OF WOLVES EVERYWHERE I ELIMINATE OUR ANCIENT ENEMY: THE BANANANA!" **

**Robina falls through the force field, the force of the attack breaking right through it.**

**As she falls Robina shrieks out what could possibly be her last words, "DRIVEN OWNNNSSSSS NOOOTTHHHHIIIIINNNGGG!" **

Driven's eyes are beginning to flutter open. She looks around the room.

Of course, Sweeney is still kneeling over the puddle of gin, Toby is giving her evil glances and Mrs Lovett is leaning against the bench, trying to stifle the laughter stemming from the idea of Sweeney crying.

As she is watching the people around her, driven gets an idea. She sits up, groggily and opens her mouth, "Uh…Nellie?"

Nellie raises an eyebrow at the girl in her shop.

"Well…you know…you don't have the 'best' way of acquiring meat," She nods at the pale barber, stroking the puddle, still letting out sobs, "and, well, I have some spare…ingredients…"

"Ingredients?" Mrs Lovett asks.

"We'll talk more inside my office," Driven leads Nell into the sitting room.

"This is the uh…lounge…"Nell says.

"No kidding," driven kicks off her shoes and leans back in the lounge in front of the empty fireplace

"So about this uhhmm…meat?" Lovetty frowns at driven's dirty sneakers on the floor.

"What do you think of when I say the word, 'monkeys'?" driven shifts in her seat.

"Bananas," Mrs Lovett says straightaway.

Suddenly Robina appears, "You called?"

"What the bloody hell?" Nellie rubs her eyes.

"What the Depp, Robina! Aren't you meant to be falling to your death at the moment, back in the A/Ns?" Driven scolds her friend.

"Oh…yeah I am…" She disappears.

"Anyway…" Driven continues, "Monkeys."

"For pies?"

"For pies."

"What do you want in return?" Mrs Lovett, it seems, is to wise for the young writer.

"For you to not kill me!" driven screams.

"Will you stop writing so ridiculously?" Mrs Lovett asks.

"I'll try," driven lies.

"Then alright, I will accept your monkey meat," Nellie smiles.

Driven nods, "I thought you would," she sighs and into a glass appearing in her hand, she pours herself a drink with a bottle that appears in the other hand.

At the sound of liquid filling a glass, Sweeney and Toby both rush forward.

"MORE GIN!" They both cry, in ecstasy. Sweeney lunges for the bottle and tears it from Driven's grip, who then shrugs and drinks what's in the glass.

Taking a deep breath Sweeney sips from the bottle.

A few seconds pass.

His face turns to an expression of utter disgust.

CRASH. Toby cringes as the bottle and its remaining content smash against the bricks of the unlit fireplace.

Sweeney grimaces and utters a single word, "Vodka…"

"You don't like Vodka?" Driven asks, looking mournfully at the smashed bottle.

"When you spend fifteen years getting used to what is possibly the cheapest gin, known to man, and then almost two years in the company of a baker, who only buys SAID GIN, you grow accustomed to one taste and one taste only! That," He nods at the mess near the fire, "Is not it."

After a long awkward silence, driven disappears in a puff of pineapples, no one even wonders about this, they've grown used to the strange happenings around Fleet Street.

"There, there, love, I'll go out in a bit and getcha some of that cheap gin what you love so much," Mrs Lovett smiles. Without even thinking about it she points a flour caked finger at the smashed bottle and it, and the puddle disappear.

Shakily, Toby stammers at Mrs Lovett, "Did you just make that go away, ma'am?"

Mrs Lovett looks down innocently at her hand and then at the fireplace, "Ah…I suppose I did..."

"What the goat? That's not possible!" Toby stands up.

From the corner, where he is curled up, Sweeney counters, "Not PROBABLE,"

"Exactly, dearie," Nellie smiles.

Toby stares at her, eyes wide and then shakes himself and goes off to find Queenie.

Nell takes a look at Sweeney. He is on the floor, head in his hands, staring into the pits of oblivion, muttering about yellow hair.

"You alright, love?"

"Fez."

"No, that's the wrong one, you're Sweeney! Remember?" Nell frowns.

"I mean umm…rubies…"

"That's more like it."

"Nell?"

"Yes, Mr T?" Nellie smiles when she hears the good-looking barber use her first name.

"You better go get that gin, now."

SCENE CHANGE!

Will is in his room, looking at the wall concentrating hard.

His door opens.

A silvery cloaked, tall figure steps in. Sevastian.

The vampire stands over the gay boy and says softly, as if he wants to cry, "I'm letting you go, little dove."

**A/N: My sister would like to argue with me and say that, cabbage is awesome, (yeah, sure).**

**She is arguing on the behalf of cabbage lovers everywhere. Urgh.**

**Review, my minions! XD**


	44. Chapter 44

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 44: What's the point of all this again?

**A/N: driven is sitting in her repaired pineapple throne watching evilly as Serenity dances around on the ground screaming with glee at her new disclaiming job.**

**All of a sudden a certain Banana Queen crawls from the cabbage and acid vat. **

**Serenity sees Robina and glares, "Dead or not, I still win the battle!"**

**Robina shakes herself off and flicks a bit of cabbage from her blonde hair.**

**Driven smirks, "That may be debatable," She strokes the talking pie in her lap, who purrs, happily.**

**Through the shaky silence, Robina sneers four words in Serenity's direction.**

**Four words that, to Serenity, could mean the loss of her newly found title.**

"**Best out of three."**

Will looks up at Sevastian, "Sir…why?"

"I was wrong about you…" He began and then continued in a hushed sob, "Thought I was a butterfly next to your flame…"

"Huh?" Will tilted his head, looking up at Sevastian's dancing eyes.

"Redemption…saviour…"Sevastian said hazily.

"Are you alright?" Will stood , but still had to look up as the vampire was much taller than he was.

"I've never been well, but lately it seems even worse…" Sevastian's face was like a wall.

"I need you William, but I cannot turn you…by force…I have too much self-respect to sink to that."

Will stayed silent until he realised that the vampire wasn't continuing, "Sir? Will you let me go?"

"Of course," Sevastian looked to the floor, "But you must leave here, just the same as when you came."

Will shrugged, "Sure…"

Silently, the vampire led the boy through halls and rooms and finally to the beautiful front door, they went outside.

"Goodbye, W…William…" Sevastian pushed him through the gates.

Will stood around, confused, he looked down.

Five minutes ago his skin had been washed and clean, now it was once again caked with dirt. Dried blood was smeared across his wrists. He felt an unimaginable hunger. Tears stained his delicate face.

William realized that when the vampire had said he'd leave as he came, he had meant it. Vampire? He asked himself. What vampire? No. He shook his head, he refused to forget.

SCENE CHANGE TO 186 FLEET STREEEEEEEET!

Mrs Lovett has returned with a new bottle of gin.

Sweeney runs forth and snatches the paper bag from her grip.

He tears the bottle out and squeals with joy before singing happily, "I've GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO YOUR TASSSSTTTEEE!"

"Yeah…" Mrs Lovett watches the gorgeous barber sit at the pie shop table, still humming. He gently pours the cheap gin into a dusty glass and drinks it down, satisfied.

Nellie picks up her rolling pin and tries to smooth the lumpy piece of dough on her bread board, wondering when the monkeys will arrive.

Toby and Queenie walk in, hand in hand.

This receives a curious glance followed by a ridiculing snort from Mr Todd.

Queenie glares at him. Toby laughs.

"Ello, Ma'am!" Toby smiles, not at all nervous about having a girl, holding his hand.

"Hello, love. How are you, Queenie?"

"Fine," She says briefly.

"You've been spendin' an awful lot of time in that stuffy room of yours, you need some sun, dear, you too Tobias!"

"Yeah, Tobes, what happened to your market job?" Queenie smiles.

"I didn't bother any more, once I bought you that bracelet…" He explains.

"Oh…strange boy…" Queenie giggles.

Sweeney looks up, "I've been sayin' that since chapter 7, but do people listen to me? No…"

"Huh?" Nell asks.

"Never mind…" Sweeney sips on some more gin.

"Well uh…let's go," Toby nods to Queenie, who he then leads outside.

"Young love…it sickens me," Mr Todd snarls.

"Jealous?" Nell smirks.

"Of what?" Sweeney screwed the cap back on the bottle and looked up at the baker, "I've got you…"

She swallows, nervously, "You…love me?"

Mr Todd took a deep breath, "I love…a lot of things…"

Nell groans, "Yes, gin and killing people," she rolls her eyes at him.

"If you don't want to listen to what I've got to say, then you don't have to, Eleanor."

"Oh, stop being ridiculous, Mr T, you never wanted to say anything important, and you know it!" The baker growled at him.

Mr Todd was at a loss for words.

SMASH

The gin bottle which was still two thirds full hits the wall behind Nell's head, smashing to pieces.

"Now, now, Mr T, you remember what happened last time we fought, don't ya?"

He stayed silent.

"You cut your hand, you bloody moron, now calm down…bloody 'ell…"

"PIEHAG," He snarls.

Mrs Lovett frowns, he hasn't called her that in a while, "Excuse me?"

Sweeney stands on the table, "YOU HEARD ME! PIE HAG! PIE HAG! PIE HAG! PIE HAG!"

"For Christ's sake, Sweeney, get down from there before you fall!"

"Fall? I'm SWEENEY TODD, I don't fall! I FLYYYYYY!"

With a deafening thud the barber falls to the uneven gritty floor.

"God, Almighty…" Nell facepalms herself and sighs.

"I've been brought down by the evil force of gravity! OH WOE IS MEEEE!" Sweeney cries indignantly.

Johanna rushes down the stairs, after hearing the crash, "DADDY? Are you alright?"

"He's fine."

"I WAS PUSHED!" Sweeney shouts from the floor.

Johanna was serious, "OH NO! By who?"

"Whom," Nell corrected her.

"By…Eleanor Lovett…" Sweeney gasped shakily.

**A/N: Serenity looks defiantly at driven, "BUT I WON!"**

**Robina repeats, "Best. Out. Of. Three."**

**Driven nods, "That would make it a little more entertaining…alright, then best of three it is!"**

**Serenity argues, "Bu-"**

**Driven shakes her head, "No 'buts' it's been decided."  
**

**Robina nods, "Yeah, you, you…stupid…dog!"**

**Serenity sighs, "That's not fair!"**

**Driven grits her teeth, "Never mind what's fair, run along the both of you, I have new challenges and battle fields to plan up!"**

**The two of them scurry off and driven pulls out her pineapple scented notebook and begins sketching up the next course for her two 'friends'.**

**Sorry about this Chap being so short :P Ah well, review if you liked it :D**


	45. Chapter 45

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 45: So We've Got THIS Far…

**A/N: 151 reviews? WOW. Thanks so much to everyone, I love you guys.**

**Good informative reviews are what creates these chapters so Thankyou :D**

**The talking pie does a backflip.**

**Driven looks at Serenity and Robina and says, "Alright take off your blind folds!"**

**Her two friends untie their blind folds to find themselves in a clear plastic bubble, with a door. Said door has been bolted shut by driven, from the outside.**

**The bubble is on the edge of a cliff (Yep, there's a cliff in Driven's volcano!)**

"**What's the deal with this?" Robina knocks on the door.**

**Driven undoes the door and opens it a little so she can hear them through the completely soundproof bubble.**

"**Huh?" Driven asks.**

**Robina repeats, "What's the deal with this?"**

**Serenity tilts her head up waiting for an answer.**

**Driven thinks about it, "Hmm…uum…I've always wanted to watch a battle scene without sound?"**

**With that she bolts the door and pushes the bubble off the cliff. **

**She flies down, beating it to the ground and takes a seat in a beanbag and leans back as the bubble hits the ground and rolls away with the wrestling writers inside.**

Johanna looks at Mrs Lovett in disbelief, "LE GASP! How could you?"

Nell rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time that day, "I didn't!"

"LIIIAAARRR!"Sweeney shouts from the floor, where he's lying face down.

Toby and Queenie rush in. Toby is frantically smearing Queenie's lip-gloss off his face and Queenie is pulling him along to investigate the screaming.

"What's happened?" Queenie asks.

"I've been murdered!" Sweeney yells, not making any effort to get up.

Mrs Lovett groans and slaps her palm against her forehead, "For Christ's sake you're still alive!"

"Barely! It won't be long before you finish me off!" Sweeney cries.

Nellie is almost crying, trying to hold back laughter at how stupid he was being, "Oh, Mr T, I fear that gin's been havin' an awful bad effect on ya mental state..."

Johanna glances down at her father who isn't moving.

Sweeney, still face down, says, "Eleanor, I'm afraid you'll have to leave!"

"Phft!"The baker replies.

"This shop isn't big enough for both of us!" Sweeney shouts.

"Well if you're so insistent, then! Toby grab his legs!" The baker grabs onto the barber's arms and Toby takes his legs.

Sweeney is shouting at both of them as they heave him toward the door, "I'd be struggling like a fish on a Saturday, if you hadn't broken my back, pie hag!"

"Oh, yes, I'm sure," Nell opens the door and looks onto the empty, grimy street.

"Fish on a Saturday?" Toby asks himself. _What sort of a simile is that?_

Nell and the boy drag Sweeney to the centre of the road and drop him.

"AHHHH! ABANDONMENT!"Sweeney screeches as the two of them return to the shop and lock the door.

"Toby, be a good lad and lock all the other doors, will ya?" Nell giggles a little.

"Yes ma'am!" Toby grins, obediently and rushes off.

"Time that man took some medicine!" Nell smirks at the sight of Sweeney rolling around on the road outside.

Johanna lets out a small giggle, "Perhaps it's for the best. You didn't push him?"

Nell laughs, "Of course I didn't push him, Johanna! He's just trying to entertain himself!"

Johanna feels somewhat embarrassed at believing her father and giggles at herself and the sight of him on the road floundering like a fish.

Toby rushes back after a few moments, "All doors locked, ma'am!"

Nell nods, "There's a good lad, go 'ave a pie or somethin',"

Toby rushes off and Queenie follows after him, desperate to get away from the strange happenings.

"So um what's happening with father?" Johanna watches the baker pick up her rolling pin.

"Oh, he just needs to learn a lesson, I'm throwing him out for a while."

"Oh…makes sense…"Johanna says and backs out of the room.

"That's what_**I**_thought!" Nell nods and decides to go get his razors…

Sweeney glances around, there are no carts or people coming…_Thank goodness…_

He sighs. How'd he get here? Pie hag threw him out. He'd only been joking anyway. Yeesh she was sooo touchy lately….Bloody hell and now he couldn't even get back in, the doors were locked! _Fuck._

A few minutes later…

Nell rushes out with a hessian sack he prays the razors are inside, she thrusts it into his stomach, as he's face-up where she dropped him.

"Mr Todd, as you're no longer living here…"

He props himself up on an elbow and she throws the razor box at him, it swings open. EMPTY.

He's about to speak when throws the first razor down at him, it lands on the road between his legs and he breathes a sigh of relief, thanking god that it hadn't hit any higher.

She throws the other six at him, one by one, until all seven of the razors are lying around him.

_You're scratching them! _He cringes.

"…You'll be needing ALL your worldly possessions…" She looks back into the hessian sack and gently tosses his photo of Lucy and Johanna into his lap.

He sneers at her.

She looks back into the sack, "Yep that's everything!"

He gives her an evil glance and she flicks the hessian sack at him, letting it land over his head.

She stifles a giggle and walks back to her shop. She gazes out the window at the man outside.

He's pale, there is a picture frame in his lap, seven razors scattered around him and a sack over his head…he looks rather comical…

Anthony walks in from the lounge room and does a double take at the sight outside the window, " Is that…?"

Nell nods, "You bet."

"Phhfftt," He starts laughing and pours himself a glass of plain tonic water from the shelf.

"Off the alcohol, Ant?" Nell laughs.

"I was never on it," He takes a sip of the water.

"You 'ad a glass of gin, a couple days back!" she argues.

"Yes, I suppose I drink alcohol off and on, but as a sailor, I need to keep myself alert!" He drains the glass and refills it and comes and leans against her bench.

"You're not a sailor anymore!"

"Yes well…once a sailor always a sailor!" He smiles.

"Now, why ain't you with little Johanna?" She asks.

"She's doing wedding things, deciding how she wants her hair…oh and by the way, I was wondering if you'd still like to help with anything?"

Nell gasped, "Of course! I'll be doing the catering, my dear boy!"

"Oh…" Ant glances down at the grimy bench covered in week old flour, "…Goody."

He shakes his head to himself and wanders off to help Johanna.

Nell takes another look out the window. Every item is gone…as is the barber.

**A/N: Robina smacks Serenity in the head.**

**Serenity screams at her, "What are you doing? We have to get out of this thing!"**

**Robina hits her again, "I have to regain my title! Stupid dog!" She hits her again.**

**Serenity slaps her competition, "No, I'm a WOLF!"**

"**Well I'M A BANANA!" Robina punches her in the stomach.**

**They're too busy fighting to notice the ball is rolling…towards a lava pit!**

**Driven claps her hands like a toddler and giggles as she watches the lava splash up as the ball lands amongst it.**

"**AAAAHHHH! LAVVVVAAAA!"Robina panics and hovers a few centimetres above the bottom of the ball.**

"**Ah! SHIT!" Serenity looks around frantically.**

**AS few moments of terror pass before they realise that the ball isn't melting.**

"**Well…at least driven was smart enough to lava-proof it!" Serenity smiles.**

"**Yadda, yadda, yadda, bla, bla, bla…do you ever shut up?"Robina smacks her in the back with a banana.**

**Driven takes a slurp of her pineapple smoothie and leans back on her bean-bag.**

**Oh by the way the next chapter will be number 46, which is the racing number of moto gp legend Valentino Rossi, he is awesome! So the next chapter will have a lot of Rossiness in it :S **

**I'm bored so anyone who reviews AND tells me an interesting fact about Valentino Rossi, I'll advertise for you, :D Google him for info. **

**Review please =)**


	46. Chapter 46

The Demon Barber Is Alive!

Chapter 46: Get Your Rossi On.

**A/N: Okay, I'm back, I know it's a shock I didn't die or anything. Major sorries for the wait. My computer stopped working, and then I started a new fanfiction (A Yu-Gi-Oh! One) and I promised myself to get it finished before I went on with any other, so it would be out of the road. So all 35 chaps of that are finally up (y) and I have returned! In the meantime everything I had written on my profile deleted itself and if you'd been on you'd know it was a lot so I'm pretty pissed about that –angry face-  
Hope everyone had a groovy Christmas and new year full of Deppness. Welcome back to the worst ST fic ever (Jokes). I'm rusty after all the YuGiOh I've been writing, so don't judge me.  
**

**Driven, claps cheerfully, as her two so called friends continue their battle inside the bubble.**

"**Has it occurred to you that perhaps we could work together against driven to free ourselves?" Serenity rolls her eyes.**

**Robina looks up from her banana smoothie, "Me? Team with You?...!"**

**Serenity sighs, "Then I'll just have to kill you…"**

**Robina glares at SerenityGreyWolf, and prepares to hit her, then she notices something, "Serenity…turn around."**

"**So you can kill me?" **

"**Seriously! Just turn around!"**

**Serenity sighs again, then turns. The two of them scream as the bubble edges closer, "LAVAFALL!"**

**STOP! Rossi Time!**

Woo! Valentino Rossi (yes this is an A/N rant of happy pies)

**Valentino Rossi is the 9 time Moto Gp World champion, he was born on the 16****th**** of February 1979 in Italy.  
**

(Two days after last)

Everyone's favourite barber is stumbling around the streets of London, his possessions being dragged behind him in a sack while he sings in a melancholy tone, "Alms, alms, for a miserable barber," He stops when a pedestrian flicks a coin at him, "MINE!" He pounces on the shiny circle and glares up at the people giving him odd looks. He gets up and continues walking down the street, humming something about alms.

Nellie has, in all truth been enjoying her time away from the barber. She leans back in her chair, yawning.

"I don't mean to be rude, ma'am but don't you 'ave pies to be makin'?" Toby asks, walking it to get a new bottle of gin from the shelf.

"Are you giving me lip?"

"No, but…" Toby sighs

"Away with ya!" Nell scolds, then turns around on her chair a little and goes back to sleep.

Toby rolls his eyes and walks away, bottle in hand, then sits at a table and begins his daily drinking.

STOP! Rossi time!

Valentino uses the number 46 for his racing, the same number his father used. He will be riding for Ducati in the 2011 season and is currently recovering from a shoulder and leg operation.

Johanna is brushing her hair, with is what you do when you have long hair and apparently no social life.  
Anthony knocks on her door, then walks in, "Hello, Johanna."

"Oh hello, Anthony," She smiles, and puts the brush o her duchess and begins to braid her hair.

"I was wondering…do you think perhaps someone should go look for Mr Todd?"

Johanna giggls, "No, daddy will be fine. He's probably out there right now, in a bar drinking have a grand time."

XXXXX

The barber, dragging the hessian bag behind him, continues his way around London, he has no idea where he is now. The streets are getting wider and emptier with only a few houses, spaced a long way apart…He is starving. He'd even eat one of Lovetty's pies, he is that desperate. He hated to seem weak but he had to at least ask someone for directions.  
With a sigh, Sweeney walks up the long path of a house. There are statues, it seems a very well to do place, he takes one of his razors from the sack and puts it in his pocket, just in case.  
He reaches the door of the massive estate and tidies his hair in the silvery reflection of its knob. He clears his throat then knocks.

After a moment or two, he hears loud echoing footsteps advancing toward him. The door opens to reveal a young looking man with a ghostly white face. His light hair hangs around a sarcastic expression and his face is lit up with marble violet-crimson eyes, "Why, Hello," He bows his head, and sniggers a little.

Mr Todd purses his lips, he hated needing help! "I am Mr Sweeney Todd, of Fleet Street…"

"Won't you come in, Mr Todd?" The man asks, his sarcastic expression not faltering in the slightest.

Mr Todd supposes that it can't hurt, and with a cold look in the man's direction, he steps inside.

Stop! Rossi Time!  
One of Valentino's favourite motifs/symbols is the sun and the moon. On his motorcycle leathers he has suns on one side and moons on the other. He changed which side went with what when he moved to Ducati to symbolise a change in his career.

Toby is onto his fifth glass of gin, when he hears a knock at the door He stumbles a little, getting up to investigate. When he reaches the door he opens it, no-one is there. There is, literally, a pile of dead monkeys, blocking the doorway. He swallows back vomit, hopes he's seeing things, then faints.

Upon hearing Toby fall, Nell gets up to see what's happening, "GOOD LORDY!" She grins at the supplies on her door step, "Driven has held up her end of the bargain!" She begins to pull the monkeys inside, glad the street is empty, she gets them all in in about twenty minutes and looks with glee at all the pie meat.

**A/N:**

**The bubble goes careering down the lava fall, driven flies after it, clapping her hands excitedly at the site as they splash into more lava.**

"**This is the worst thing driven has ever done to me!" Serenity screams.**

"**I wish I could say the same thing," Robina sighs.**

**STOP! Rossi Time! **

**Valentino has the words: The Doctor. Printed across the ass (I'm not kidding) of his leathers, it's also a nickname of his. His favourite colour is Yellow and his fan club is actually called The Yellow Community. **

**I don't own Sweeney Todd, apparently… **

**Review please :D  
Also thanks for the facts from SuperSnuffles, Hightopp and BlckPearl96, Go read their fics, they rock trust me.**


	47. Chapter 47

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 47: The Family Expands

**A/N:**

**Okay, so because I'm writing other stories with high priorities, my updates will not be as frequent, don't hate me for that. I still love Sweeney more than anything :P This might be a bit short, I am in a rush.**

**"I'm gonna call this round a tie," Driven decides, pulling the orb from the lava with a giant net. She let her friends out and proceeds to pull a jar from her pocket.**

**"What's that?" Serenity asks, giving the jar an odd look.**

**Driven ponders the object in her hand, reads the label and says, "Fjam...Uh I guess it's jam...i dunno, aw well, who cares? I'm hungry," She opens the jar of 'Fjam'.**

**Suddenly, in a puff of potato sacks, a fanfic writer appears.**

**"Sup?"**

**"FJAM I KNOW YOU!" Driven says, then looks forlornly at the empty jar.**

**Fjam shakes her head at Driven's idiocy then waves at the others, "Hey."**

"**Woo! A new buddy for mahh crib!" Driven grins.**

**Fjam nods, "Uh…yeah…"**

"**Well these two are battling for the tile of disclaimer, so you can do it in the meantime, Fjam," Driven states, much to the dismay of Robina and co.**

**Fjam beams proudly, "Driven doesn't own Sweeney Todd."**

Mr. Todd pulls his bag of things into the massive house, staring around at the marble walls.

"Let me, take your...erm…possessions," The man says, taking the bag and swinging it across his shoulder.

"Why does everyone always want to touch my sack?" Sweeney asks, as he is led to a table, "What is this place? Who are you?"

"This is my humble abode," The strange man says, looking around the large and well-furnished room, My name is Arctis Le Murvin."

"Is not!" A voice yells as a familiar boy walked into the room. Will.

Sweeney attempts to get up, he isn't getting anywhere, watching the silvery-blonde haired man and his own ex-apprentice speaking in circles.

Will drops at Sweeney's feet, "Take me with you? Please? I cannot stand another day with this man!"

Arctis rolls his eyes and Sweeney kicks at Will, "Get off!"

"PLEASE! I promise to do your bidding!"

"If you'll shut up, fine, you can come, but don't think I 'aven't forgotten your preferences," Sweeney snatches his sack back from Arctis and turns to leave, a grateful Will following behind.

"Not so fast," Arctis snaps.

Sweeney glares at him and keeps walking.

"I should probably mention he's a vampire," Will sighs.

(SCENE CHANGE TO 186 FLEEEET STREEEEEET!)

With a grumble, Mrs. Lovett tosses the last monkey into the bake house and goes back to her kitchen. She washes her hands and sighs, and begins to make herself a pot of tea.

Johanna rushes downstairs, Toby behind her. "Nell? Could I ask you something?"

"Anythin' you want, lovey," Nell smiles, pouring a cup of tea.

"Can you fix this?" She holds up her wedding dress, there is a large rip in the skirt, "Please."

"How did it rip?" Nell purses her lips and goes to get her needles and thread.

"Toby wanted to try it on…that's all…" Johanna explained, embarrassed.

"Oh of course…" Mrs Lovett nods as if that's a perfectly good reason.

Toby blushes, "Didn't look very good…"

"No, I don't suppose it would have. Now you go, play with Queenie," Nell shoos him away.

"Yes, ma'am," He leaves with a nod.

Johanna and Nell sit at a table. Nell inspects the dress, and sorts through her thread basket, while Johanna pours herself a cup of tea.

"Plotlines are funny things aren't they, Nell?"

"Huh?" Mrs. Lovett looks up from her sewing.

"Um….nothing, but strangely enough I think I was just possessed…." Johanna grins.

"In a fanfic like this, I can hardly doubt it," Mrs. Lovett says, in an almost depressed tone.

Johanna sighs, wonders where her father is and sips her tea.

"Hi there, little ladies," Anthony winks, walking inside, accompanied by the laughter of a studio audience.

"Why are you speaking like that?" Johanna glares.

"Well, dang it, I can't be sure, seems I'm just cluckin' like a turkey on thanksgivin' ain't I?"

"Are you alright?" Nell purses her lips and rethreads her needle.

"Fine and Dandy like cotton candy," Anthony grins. 

"What and what like who?" Johanna shakes her head at her fiancé.

"I say I'm about as happy as an ol' frog on a log," Anthony pours himself a glass of gin.

"Been to the pub…'ave we Ant?" Nell realises.

"No, not me, not lil' old me. I've been up that there waterhole, having a gum flap with the cronies."

"Oh…" Nell sighs, "Yep, he's drunk."

"I never been drunk a day in my life, I'll have you know!" Anthony stumbled a little.

"You do realize that this counts as your stag party? There'll be no more of this once we're married," Johanna scolds him and pushes him to a seat.

Anthony lets out a high pitched giggle but says nothing.

(SCENE CHANGE TO SWEENEY AND HIS SWEENEYNESSSS!)

"He's a what?" Sweeney rolls his eyes.

"Vampire."

Arctis smiles, "A Vampirious Blood-Suckious, to be exact."

Sweeney sighs, "Yeah, sure, okay, I'm leaving."

"You will gladly take us with you, yes?" The vampire grins, baring long white fangs.

"This is the stupidest thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm counting having my wife brutally molested and my daughter stolen."

Sweeney was over his grand adventure, he just wanted to go home! Hopefully pie-hag would let him come back to her.

He walks towards the door, dragging his bag along. Of course the 'vampire' and the boy follows.

"I've grown tired of this oversized abode, perhaps you will let us live at your humble home?" The man asks.

"No fucking way," Sweeney keeps walking.

"I'll be no trouble at all…do you have an attic?"

"Yes…" Sweeney mumbles.

"Perfect! I shall stay there!"

"No, you won't."

"But it'll be ever so much fun!"

Sweeney face palms himself, "If I agree will you promise to piss off and stay away from me?"

"As well as I can, whilst in the same home," He nods.

"You won't bother my family, or anyone else that I happen to live with?"

"Not at all."

"Deal."

Sevastian grins; this man was quite easy to work with!

They began walking back to Fleet Street. Will skipped, Sweeney stomped in a rather annoyed manner and of course the vampire turned into a bat and flew up in the sky.

"He really is a vampire?" Sweeney almost faints.

"Unfortunately, he's quite good at refraining from the drinking of blood."

"That'll be fine, I'm sure Tobias is full of blood, he can 'ave 'im," Sweeney laughs a little too darkly for Will's liking.

**A/N**

**Fjam claps, "Yay!"**

**Driven frowns, "Um are you leaking?"**

"**Leaking?"**

"**There's stuff dripping from your skin…it's quite scary…I'm surprised you haven't noticed…"**

"**Oh, that! That's just jam! I drip jam sometimes, from my skin!" Fjam smiles as if that's perfectly normal.**

"**Oh…oh of course…well umm could you maybe do something about that…perhaps a raincoat? Or I could lay down newspapers…"**

"**I can't make it stop if that's what you mean."**

"**You mean you just drip jam over everything and I can't even eat it because it's from your pores?"**

"**Yeah that's pretty much exatly what I mean…"**

"**Urgh, Talking Pie! Get me some newspapers!"**

**Sorry for the wait, but I warned you I cannot update as frequently. Please review.**


	48. Chapter 48

The Demon Barber is Alive!

Chapter 48: ASDFGHJKL;

**A/N: Okay...now I could go into a large list of reasons that I haven't updated...including other fanfics, a fuckload of computer problems...etc etc etc, or I could get the hell on with things and write the stupid chapter, which I'm sure you would prefer.**

**I think the main thing to blame, is YuGiOh! ...yes, I was stolen away by a Japanese show about cards...great. -_-  
Let's get movinggggggg...**

**Fjam was laying comfortably on some newspapers, that the talking pie, had laid down for her, and driven was riding a giant motorpowered snail around the volcano. **

**Serenity and Robina were standing around, awaiting the next round of their battle. **

"**Hmm," began drivenbyrevenge, patting the head of the snail and looking at her clipboard, "All right! Commence building!" With that, cranes, steamrollers, and a heap of other constructing machinery, appeared and began moving around parts of the volcano... "Ahahahahaha! This is gonna be great!"**

"**What the hell are you doi-" Fjam began.**

"**Ah! DISCLAIM!" **

"**Driven doesn't own Sweeney Todd..."**

"Alright! Let me in, now, Pie Hag!" Sweeney wraps fiercely upon the door to the fleet street pie shop.

A mass of curls, perched on a ghost white face, emerges through a window, which was opened with a shove, and results in dust splattering over Mr Todd's face, "Well, well, well, if it ain't the ol' Sween."

"...Excuse me?" Sweeney Todd's face goes flat at the idea of being referred to as 'ol' Sween.'

"Mr. T...I had no idea you, the gay boy and a bat were goin' to be visiting me!"

"He's not even a bat..." Will says under his breath.

"Shut the fuck up," Sweeney shoots a glare at Will, "Now let us in, hag!"

"Not with those manners...tsk. Really Sweeney, you're so rude..." Nell leans on her window sill, and plucks some dough from her hair.

"You have no idea what I've been through, since you kicked me out! Now let me in! Your business will die without me!"

"Pish! Posh! It'll be doin' no such thing. I've got two strong men around the house, I don't need you!"

"If you're referring to that sailor, and the rat boy as men, then I think the stench of rotting meat has finally started to decay your brain, old woman!"

"Old? I'm younger than you, you greying, senile fool!"

"Greying?" The barber snorts, "You've been dying that mop for years!"

"Are they always like this?" Arctis/Sevastian raises an eyebrow.

"I suspect so...they seem to be enjoying the argument..." Will sighs.

A smug grin forms on Mrs Lovett's face, as the barber glares at her, "Even so, Sweeney, you aren't comin' in."

"A cruel way to treat the love of your life..." Mr Todd shrugs, and feigns sadness.

"Oh, come off it, Mr T. Just give up, I ain't lettin' you through that door!" Nell shakes her head at him, not giving up.

"What is going on?" Johanna's petite, little, face appears behind the baker.

"Johanna! My daughter! Be a dear and let me in! There's a new cross stitching pattern in it for you!"

"Oh goody!" The young lady, rushes to the door and is about to pull it open, when her wrist is grabbed by the firm grip of Mrs Lovett.

"Johanna, love...don't you go listenin' to a word he says. He's not in his right mind! He's a danger to us and it's best if we leave him and his friends out there to calm down."

"Oh...fair enough," Johanna nods, immediately accepting this as a satisfactory reason.

"That's it," Dark brown eyes narrow upon the baker, "You've gone too far, Lovett! I'm not in my right state of mind? I'm not the one that spends the days turning the citizens of London into cannibals and fantasising about the sea shore!"

"Oh? Well I suppose you do something much more productive, then?" Mrs Lovett glares.

"I offer the best shaves in London...if that counts," Sweeney tells her, as if she already did not know.

"It doesn't count if you kill the customers!" Nellie slaps her flour covered hand to her face and swiftly slams the window closed, ending the conversation.

"This is not over, wench!" Sweeney calls out, threatingly.

"Oh, put a pie in it," Nellie rolls her brown eyes and proceeds to ignore the tapping of pebbles hitting her wall.

"He's quite immature isn't he?" Johanna purses her lips and begins to make a pot of peppermint tea for the two of them.

"Nothing but a child," Nellie sighs in agreement, as another handful of rocks clatter against the wall.

Mrs Lovett takes a cloth and begins to wipe down her bench. The kettle boils and Johanna, grabbing a towel to hold it, pours the hot water into a pot of tea leaves.

She fetches the strainer from a drawer and pours two cups of tea, "Sugar, ma'am?" she asks.

"One please," Nellie nods, not looking up.

Johanna nods and walks to the cupboard where the canister of sugar is kept. She grabs it out, but all of a sudden, something out side attracts her attention. With a smash the canister falls from her grip and sugar escapes all over the floor.

"Good Lord! Whatever did you drop that for?" Mrs Lovett looks up and rushes over.

"Uh, Ma'am...not to alarm you, but I think you should take a look outside."

Mrs Lovett glances to the window and gasps. There, right by her shop is a large Indian teepee and, what appears to be a ceremonial fire, complete with a boar, on a spit. The vampire, gay boy and barber are all dancing around it, like mad, clapping and cheering, each with a feathered headdress and war paint on.

"...This will not end well," Mrs Lovett purses her lips.

**A/N: **

**driven relaxes as the machines begin to finalise the course.**

"**Yo! You're fixing it, so I can win, right?" Robina winks at driven.**

"**Yeah you'd like that," The author shoots back.**

"**...Yes...I would actually."**

**driven rolls her eyes at her friend.**

**Robina pauses before wandering off, "...I need to pee."**

**Review ;D **


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